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May I remind you that the younger sibling is watching all this.
He may up the ante a bit.
How will you enjoy such a large place in two years should both of them leave?
You need to know that you have a right to live your life, you do not have to provide a home for the older child. Please take a moment to make sure you are not delaying the leaving the nest, trust me I have had to answer each of these questions myself.
If you proceed then I cannot see any rules applying, you are both adults and you have her as a guest in your home, to include notification of her whereabouts. If you can accept that then you will be ok.
Good luck, mine are all out the nest and it is great!!
Like I said, she is staying with me through college and police academy till she can afford to get her own place.
And as for my son, he'll be staying at home during college as well, his choice.
Great!
The thing I love about CD is we can discuss and chat without fussing
I think it is great that you are ok with them home. It will be a blessing.
Just don't forget to enjoy yourself, take a vacation.
I am also a single mom and have a 20 year old daughter and a 16 year old son.
The 20 year old moved out just a couple of months ago, getting an apartment with a girlfriend from work. Well, as it typical sometimes, the two are not getting along well, and my daughter's hours from hear part-time job have been cut. She is not making enough to cover her share of the rent, let alone half of the utilities. Her car insurance is high due to her points from some speeding tickets when she first started driving. She now wants to move back into my rather small home. My son has taken up residence in her old, larger room, and that's how that will stay.
She is one of those hard-heads that won't listen, and we have had a lot of conflict. I have actually been under less stress since she has been out of the home, and so has my son. But, I know she doesn't have anyplace else to go. I told her she must continue to work and pay her car insurance, groceries, and personal needs, clean up after herself, and get back into the community college if she wants to live back at home. Other than that, she is free to come and go on her own. She does not need to check in with me in any way, shape, or form. I realize she is an adult, although her maturity level many times is not at the level where it should be. I feel I have tried to help her as best I can, providing her with vehicles, etc, but I am on a low income and struggle to make ends meet myself.
Aha, but she has gotten a boyfriend during the time she has lived out on her own. He is 23 and does not have a place of his own either. They don't make enough between them to get a place together. I have told my daughter the boyfriend can come over sometimes, but I don't want him here all the time, and not overnight. She thinks this is ridiculous, or course.
Now, I am certainly no prude, having come of age in the late seventies and early eighties. I was not yet married to her father when I had her and her brother. The difference is, we both worked full-time and got our own place. We would not have been able to "shack up" at either one of our parents houses - and I find I am not comfortable with it either. I also don't want my son to feel uncomfortable. I don't think I would feel any differently about this even if our house was large, like the OP's.
I know it's a different "decade" as she puts it, but hey, I work hard and I'm the one who pays the mortgage. I have earned the right to my "space", and the right to feel comfortable in it, and to not feel "put-upon" by my children. And that's what you have to go on.
I don't know your relationship with your daughter. Maybe if my daughter had been more of a help to me in the past, I would feel differently about it now and tend to be more flexible.
I drink.
If my daughter wants to drink at home I am fine with that. (Legal in my state.)
If my daughter wants to drink outside the house and risk getting caught by the police and screwing up her chances of becoming a law enforcement officer, that is fine by me it is her life. I know she wouldn't screw that up, so when she turns 21 and comes home after drinking, I don't care as long as she is home safe.
If my daughter is off having sex with multiple men, I will of course say something to her but I would not kick her out.
I know my daughter, I know she isn't having sex with multiple men and I know she would only have sex with someone if she was in a relationship with them.
I don't care if she is having sex with a boyfriend, as long as it isn't in my home where I can hear it.
I have no need to worry about those things.
It sounds like you have a healthy relationship with your adult daughter. Enjoy having her around.
I've gotta tell ya....if she wanted to be rebellious she could do all that crap anywhere, even in a smaller house.
Quote:
She is a responsible girl.
Doesn't drink away from home.
Would never drink and drive.
She had good friends.
She is going into law enforcement.
She doesn't do drugs.
She is a very smart and bright girl.
Seems as if you've done well and you can trust her. I am the mother of TWO girls and the teenage/tween/young adult years are extremely trying. My advice to you: Stick to your principals, continue to enforce your rules and give her incentive to spend time OUTSIDE of her room. You could create a family night and let the two of them take turns picking the activity. OR have a designated family dinner night or Movie Night. My girls LOVE it when we do "Breakfast for Dinner" on Thursday nights or when we watch an old family favorite like "The Wizard of Oz" - something they both enjoyed watching as children. The key is: you have to find a connection and make it the highlight of your new home. This will give you ALL something to look forward to (now and moving forward), something to miss while she's away and something to come back to when she starts her own family.
What you need to worry about today is the people she may bring into your home - a boyfriend she doesn't know well, etc.
That outside door would bother me; just another point of access for someone to break in.
I have probably made my kids think security more than anything. You sometimes just don't know today.
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Another thought
