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Old 05-02-2010, 12:26 AM
 
Location: Unknown. Where am I? Am I lost?
5,438 posts, read 3,053,916 times
Reputation: 2396
Default Do you know who your older teens date?

Lets face it...I bet some of you here still have kids who live at home who are 18+....I know a lot of parents want their kids out of the house by then but it doesn't always happen.

So answer this question as if you did/do have kids over 18 living at home...

Do you know when they are dating and who they are dating?

I am 20 now nearly 21, you all remember me right? Ello.
Well I am starting to hear my biological clock ticking? Its not telling me to have kids however its tell me to get out there, date and settled down soon.
I want someone to crawl in bed with every night and cuddle up to.

For now I am just going to start with the get out there ans date section of my statement. I still live at home and it seems like every time I start dating the relationship gets ruined by my mom. At think at my age its time to NOT bring the date home to meet on the first date and that I should only invite him by once I get to a very serious point in the relationship, you know you date and THEN is the meet the parent stage.

My mom would still like to meet my dates, talk to them, get to know them....If I did that she would scare them all off.

I just don't want to even tell her I am dating, who I am going out with until I am sure there will even be a second date. Every time my mom has met someone, she talks and talks forever while we stand in the living room needing to leave or we'll be late. And then when I am at home she whines about them and points out all their downfalls till she's blue in the face.
She would start talking way into the future about them and its like MOOOOM I don't even know how long we'll last let alone get married.

Am I out of bounds with wanting that privacy, wanting to date without interference from others and to not even let her know I am dating until its serious?
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Old 05-02-2010, 07:30 AM
 
Location: Denver area
16,922 posts, read 11,716,053 times
Reputation: 18893
At 20 your "biological clock" should be the least of your worries.

Why not get to the point with your career where you can support yourself then you won't have to worry about this at all? Your career should be your first priority until you can support yourself. Then worry about the rest. How you handle dates in the meantime is something you'll need to work out. Why not have a conversation with your mom to figure this out? My personal thought is, if it were me (the mom), I would not expect to meet (on a regular basis) casual dates of my adult child living at home. If I did, I wouldn't expect to have more than light, friendly conversation. But that is me and my DD (about your age) does not live at home. I do think it's a good idea to always let someone know who you are with and where you are going. I tell my DD that even though she is not living at home.

Last edited by maciesmom; 05-02-2010 at 07:52 AM..
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Old 05-02-2010, 08:46 AM
 
41,737 posts, read 46,336,329 times
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Totally depends on if it's a male or female adult child living at home.

For women who live at home, it's normal for parents to meet the dates because the male date typically picks the female up at her house for the date.

For men who live at home, it's not normal for their parents to meet dates because the female doesn't typically pick the male up for the date.

If you want more privacy, move out of your parent's house.
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Old 05-02-2010, 10:01 AM
 
Location: Durham, NC
642 posts, read 1,056,568 times
Reputation: 611
Back when my parents house was still my legal residence I mostly lived in a temporary place such as a dorm, sorority house, or apartment so obviously not exactly the same but when I would be home over various breaks sometimes I did go out on dates.

Unless it had reached a more serious level "boyfriend" no I didn't bother introducing them to my parents. A lot of the times esp. if it's a first date I would drive myself simply for safety reasons so it's not like they had an opportunity.

When going out I would provide her some information just in case. "I'm going with my friend John to eat dinner at ____ we'll be back around 10 tonight."
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Old 05-02-2010, 12:05 PM
 
Location: Ontario
177 posts, read 241,546 times
Reputation: 79
She seems to be a bit overzealous about your dating. My mom was the same way-she wanted to meet my now-girlfriend of 4 years-on our first date as friends! It can be really embarrasing and you just need to let her know nicely that certain aspects of your life are private until you decide the relationship is at the level of meeting parents.
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Old 05-02-2010, 02:21 PM
 
Location: California
25,157 posts, read 15,845,263 times
Reputation: 17491
I watched many of my daughters early relationships play out in my living room and it was often as hard on me as it was on them when things ended since I would become close to the boys and sometimes their families. Once she went to college I basically told her I didn't want to meet anyone who she wasn't serious about, hopefully not until she had a ring on her finger. While it didn't work out quite that way I only met 2 in 5 years....and didn't become invested in them at all, or even meet their families, which was good for me.
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Old 05-02-2010, 02:27 PM
 
3,614 posts, read 2,642,663 times
Reputation: 3137
Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
Lets face it...I bet some of you here still have kids who live at home who are 18+....I know a lot of parents want their kids out of the house by then but it doesn't always happen.

So answer this question as if you did/do have kids over 18 living at home...

Do you know when they are dating and who they are dating?

I am 20 now nearly 21, you all remember me right? Ello.
Well I am starting to hear my biological clock ticking? Its not telling me to have kids however its tell me to get out there, date and settled down soon.
I want someone to crawl in bed with every night and cuddle up to.

For now I am just going to start with the get out there ans date section of my statement. I still live at home and it seems like every time I start dating the relationship gets ruined by my mom. At think at my age its time to NOT bring the date home to meet on the first date and that I should only invite him by once I get to a very serious point in the relationship, you know you date and THEN is the meet the parent stage.

My mom would still like to meet my dates, talk to them, get to know them....If I did that she would scare them all off.

I just don't want to even tell her I am dating, who I am going out with until I am sure there will even be a second date. Every time my mom has met someone, she talks and talks forever while we stand in the living room needing to leave or we'll be late. And then when I am at home she whines about them and points out all their downfalls till she's blue in the face.
She would start talking way into the future about them and its like MOOOOM I don't even know how long we'll last let alone get married.

Am I out of bounds with wanting that privacy, wanting to date without interference from others and to not even let her know I am dating until its serious?
someone should ALWAYS know when and who you r going out with--as someone that has worked with law enforcement in the past---you should always inform SOMEONE who u r seeing,when,where,especially if u r going out of the area with them-----this doesn't always apply if the person has been a CONSISTENT companion and some of your family/friends have some background on him
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Old 05-02-2010, 03:30 PM
 
47,586 posts, read 33,856,578 times
Reputation: 21520
If you don't want to be treated like a child, stop acting like one and move out. It's not up to you to tell your mother how she is to act in her own house.
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Old 05-02-2010, 05:02 PM
 
Location: In a little valley under the Rim
2,214 posts, read 3,740,072 times
Reputation: 1804
I would plan on meeting dates somewhere else for now on. You can tell your dates it is because your mom will talk them blue in the face and you can tell your mom it is for your own safety (as the previous poster mentioned). And watch out for those baby-making hormones! They come when you don't want one (I swear that is how it works )

I moved out at 18, so I'm not in the same place as you. I didn't tell my parents about the lesser dates (if I did refer to them in passing, it was as 'friend'), and slowly started talking about the more important ones, and finally had them meet the longterm ones. However, I don't think they really cared that much once I was grown.
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Old 05-02-2010, 05:36 PM
 
Location: Australia
1,489 posts, read 1,660,639 times
Reputation: 1642
I think it is perfectly reasonable for parents to know and be involved.

Old fashioned maybe.

I had a gf when I was 21. She was 19 or 20 and every time and I mean every time I went out with her, I had to first ask her then call and ask her parents and then font up to the house and come inside and say hello to her parents and then take her out and then bring her home by the agreed hour and go inside the house and say good evening to the parents. Sounds over the top doesn't it. But you know it made her feel special. It made me feel like I was being given a great responsibility.

Sure at first it felt weird when she was hesitant abaout our first date and somewhat embarassed that I had to call her parents but all the kids knew that she had strict parents and what the go was about how to have a date with her. And you knwo we just went with it. She was nice and pretty and pleasent and you do what you have to do to get that date. And yes it was kind of weird to go inside the house at 1am (not first date but later ) and 'hand her over' but you just lived with it. You get used to it.

On a slightly related topic, we were discussing this at work just the other day. One fellow was telling about he had told his 16y.o. daughter that he would come and get her at any time no questions asked. If she is in trouble like at a party where she does not feel comfortable she just has to call and he will drive over and pick her up. If used a code word ("I forgot to feed the dog") it meant that she was giving him permission to actually come into the party and drag her out. That was she could "save face" with her friends while being resucued. They asked but did not demand that she text her parents where she was. So if they changed partys, she would text the new address as they were driving
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