U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
 
Old 05-08-2010, 02:08 AM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
6,134 posts, read 6,681,001 times
Reputation: 3134

Advertisements

Ok so I was browsing yahoo answers and I came across this question about a wife and husband who have a 15 month old son together they also have a 15 year old daughter from HIS previous marriage who lives full time with them.

The mom has recently discovered that the 15 year old spanks the 15 month old when he is a "brat" and that her dad has given her permission.

The mom is obviously not ok with this and has talked to the husband and he thinks she is being silly about all this and he isn't going to talk to his daughter about it because she babysits for free and should be able to discipline him when she watches him.

The step-daughter told the step-mother that "when he's a brat i am going to spank his butt and my dad said I could."



Ok so, now I am going to rant.
I am an anti-spanker but that does not affect this because I can think logically beyond my own opinion.
My opinion: If you are going to spank that it should be after age 5, when the child can understand WHY it is happening, any younger and you need to just redirect their attention with a pop on the hand or removing them from the situation and no older than 9, some girls get their periods at that age etc and that after age 9 grounding/time out is very effective and you can reason with a 9 year old. Also, a spanking should ALWAYS be over clothes, not pants down, not pants and underwear down, OVER the clothes and it should be no more than a FEW swats. While I am an anti-spanker, I know people have their differences and I cannot control the world and that instead of screaming don't spank till im red in the face, that offering a controlled, set way of spanking so it doesn't cross boundaries, is a logical alternative.

Back to the story.

Point 1: 15 months old is STILL a baby and uhm I'm sorry but wtf would possess someone to spank a baby. IMHO it is WAY to young to spank if you are a spanker. You all, well most, have children and you all know what a 15 month old looks like and how they still are a baby and baby sized etc. This leads me to point 2.

Point 2: Unless im tragically mistaken a 15 month old cannot be a "brat". I googled the phrase "15 month old" on Google...uhm it looks like a baby..
My friend with the crazy scary parents have a baby who is 12-15 months old and when I was in the house the other day I saw the baby. Who was just that, a non speaking, waddling baby, who shrieked at things he wanted, like to be picked up etc. He didn't use words and had that oblivious babyness non-coherent of the his surroundings babyness....that's the best way I can explain it. As far as I am concerned, a 15 month old is not developed enough to have an attitude or be a "brat".

Point 3: The step-daughter told the mother "when he's a brat i am going to spank his butt and my dad said I could." she basically told her step-mother what SHE was going to do in her PARENTS home with a baby that is NOT her own. Oh hell no. Where does this girl get off telling her step-mother what she will or will not do to her baby step brother?
If the girl said I am not going to bed at 10pm and I am going to go to bed when I feel like, go ahead beat your chest all you want. I did that at 15. I had an attitude and I said what I was and wasn't going to do, "well im not going to bed", "i'll text whenever I want to", "I'll get off the computer in 10 minutes". Etc.
But if she thinks she is going to tell her step-mother I am going to spank your son whether you like it or not, *refrains from swearing* she's got another thing coming.

I am astounded at some of the advice the people of yahoo gave to this woman.
*Deal with it and accept the step-daughter spanking the son.
*Hire a sitter

I'm with option C, tell the daughter who it is going to be or face some consequences.

Some questions I have

1. Do you think that 15 months old is too young to spank?
2. What do you think about the step-daughter telling the step-mother "how it was going to be"?
3. What solution would you pick?



My husband lets his daughter spank our son and I don't like it? - Yahoo! Answers
Quick reply to this message

 
Old 05-08-2010, 02:14 AM
 
216 posts, read 612,184 times
Reputation: 179
I don't believe in spanking at all. I'm aghast at someone spanking a 15 month old. In my opinion, that is child abuse.

The 15 year old needs to be talked to and set straight. I would not trust her to babysit and don't think she has the correct disposition and tolerance to babysit. They need to hire a babysitter.

It seems to me that the 15 year old has some issues with her baby brother. Sense of jealousy or resentment. I think the family needs to seek counseling for this.

If I were the parents, I would be outraged by this. The parents have to be a united front in this and they should not yell or berate the 15 year old. That will just make it worse. They have to calmly, but sternly discuss this with her. If they come down on her too hard, she will resent the baby even more.

This is a situation that could lead to more serious issues. She can wind up emotionally scaring her brother and possibly cause him serious physical harm. I hope that the family gets moving on resolving this issue now.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-08-2010, 02:18 AM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
6,134 posts, read 6,681,001 times
Reputation: 3134
I am not sure resentment is the case here.
I think its a matter of the 15 year old trying to "parent" the child and doing a HORRIBLE job at it.

I fear the day that 15 year old has kids. Sounds like someone will be needing parenting classes in the future.

As for abuse, I don't think so, I think the 15 year is severely misguided as to how to deal with small children.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-08-2010, 06:04 AM
 
4,502 posts, read 11,989,464 times
Reputation: 4066
If the father is being a moron about it and giving the 15 year old permission to abuse the 15 month old, then the mother should find a different babysitter.

If the 15 year old insists on "spanking" the 15 month old, maybe the mother should "spank" the 15 year old and let her have a taste of her own medicine.

I can guarantee if the "spanking" keeps on, it's only going to get worse and more abusive. The 15 month old is going to end up with a host of emotional/psychological problems.

The parents need to be parents. The father sounds like an imbecile.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-08-2010, 08:39 AM
 
47,573 posts, read 60,631,888 times
Reputation: 22283
Why is the step mother having the 15 year babysit for free in the first place? Why doesn't the step mother take care of the child herself?

This sounds like a very dysfunctional family. The step mother is dumping her child on the step daughter who should not have to be raising the child at all. The father is taking the side of his child over his new wife's side.

And as far as the step daughter telling the mother how it's going to be - well - yes, if the step daughter has been assigned the duties of raising that child. If the mother was doing what she should be doing then there would be no issue. Don't dump your children on others for them to raise and then criticize.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-08-2010, 09:01 AM
 
623 posts, read 1,427,826 times
Reputation: 717
Yet another post about whether spanking is ok. Who cares! I believe in spanking and I turned out fine. You don't believe in spanking and you turned out fine.

As far as the family in the post goes. My philosophy: "You can't fix stupid"
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-08-2010, 05:26 PM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
6,134 posts, read 6,681,001 times
Reputation: 3134
Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
Why is the step mother having the 15 year babysit for free in the first place? Why doesn't the step mother take care of the child herself?

This sounds like a very dysfunctional family. The step mother is dumping her child on the step daughter who should not have to be raising the child at all. The father is taking the side of his child over his new wife's side.

And as far as the step daughter telling the mother how it's going to be - well - yes, if the step daughter has been assigned the duties of raising that child. If the mother was doing what she should be doing then there would be no issue. Don't dump your children on others for them to raise and then criticize.
She doesn't raise the child, she just babysits a few times a week while her parents work.
The daughter was told to babysit and we all know what babysitting entails, as a babysitter if you are told to not physically discipline the baby then the step daughter HAS to stop.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-08-2010, 05:29 PM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
6,134 posts, read 6,681,001 times
Reputation: 3134
Quote:
Originally Posted by littleelvis View Post
Yet another post about whether spanking is ok. Who cares! I believe in spanking and I turned out fine. You don't believe in spanking and you turned out fine.

As far as the family in the post goes. My philosophy: "You can't fix stupid"
No this thread is about a BABY being spanked.
I don't care if spanking is right or wrong or if it becomes an olympic game....YOU DO NOT SPANK A BABY!!!! A 15 month old baby!!!!!!
Nor can a 15 month old be a brat!!
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-08-2010, 06:33 PM
 
623 posts, read 1,427,826 times
Reputation: 717
Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
No this thread is about a BABY being spanked.
I don't care if spanking is right or wrong or if it becomes an olympic game....YOU DO NOT SPANK A BABY!!!! A 15 month old baby!!!!!!
Nor can a 15 month old be a brat!!
Acutally this post is about a 15 year old being given permission to spank a 15 month old which is silly. It seems pretty logical to me that a 15 year old should not spank a 15 month old. Like I said. You can't fix stupid so why argue about it.

Also this post is about another post on another website.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-08-2010, 07:04 PM
 
12,337 posts, read 13,573,862 times
Reputation: 14328
I had a situation similar to this. I found out my step son was spanking my son while babysitting.

Oh, I set him straight. I told him if he EVER laid a hand on my son again he would hear from me. I told him I would be the only one to administer discipline to my son.

He is a "BABYSITTER". That means watching. Taking care of.

I think you need to have a good talk with your husband. I agree with alot of your ideas on dicipline. Little slap on the hand at that age is fine. Just enough to get their attention and see your disapproval.
Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


 
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:
Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top