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I would also highly suggest that if she thinks she's fat, get her into some sort of physical activity... not that she needs to lose weight, but it may give her some self esteem if she see what amazing things her body can do (dance, sports, etc)
..... The kids were in state custody and had been malnourished, so it's been an effort to feed them correctly and ....
Although I am all for the parent strictly controlling kids, in this case, because she has probably had a pretty crap past, I would stay off the food case.
I reckon you should just give the kid a hug. Tell her you love her and leave it at that.
By only keeping good healthy food in the house then her basic diet will be great. Then if she eats junk when she is out with friends that will not hurt her. I would not try to "feed" her. I would concentrate on loving her, hugging her and doing stuff with her. She needs to feel free to talk with you. As the trust develops between you and her, then you can be more overt in your direction or control of her but she first has to trust you and be close to you if that makes sense.
I believe you took what you quoted out of the poster's context. She was referring to the child's life before she was adopted by the OP. (And as an aside, a woman believing she's fat is a little different than a nine-year-old believing it!)
No, because that poster thinks EVERYBODY needs therapy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by aidxen
Although I am all for the parent strictly controlling kids, in this case, because she has probably had a pretty crap past, I would stay off the food case.
I reckon you should just give the kid a hug. Tell her you love her and leave it at that.
By only keeping good healthy food in the house then her basic diet will be great. Then if she eats junk when she is out with friends that will not hurt her. I would not try to "feed" her. I would concentrate on loving her, hugging her and doing stuff with her. She needs to feel free to talk with you. As the trust develops between you and her, then you can be more overt in your direction or control of her but she first has to trust you and be close to you if that makes sense.
I think this is the best advice here. Exactly right.
No, because that poster thinks EVERYBODY needs therapy.
I have 1500+ posts. I have written the word "therapy" on exactly 6 posts and actually suggested therapy on exactly one thread, according to the little search box up there ^. Perhaps you have me mistaken with someone else?
I have 1500+ posts. I have written the word "therapy" on exactly 6 posts and actually suggested therapy on exactly one thread, according to the little search box up there ^. Perhaps you have me mistaken with someone else?
Possibly, and if so, my apologies. There are a few here who, when they post, say therapy is needed. I thought you were one.
Therapy is seldom needed, but grossly overused and suggested far too often.
Nip this in the bud while she's young. If she was malnourished, she probably doesn't know what her healthy body weight is and is already feeling "fat" as she becomes healthy. Take her to her doctor and let him tell her that she's a healthy weight, so that she knows it's not just you and her dad saying so.
I have strong feelings about young girls and weight issues because of my personal experiences with an eating disorder.
My mother is one of those people who never gains weight, no matter what. On top of that, she was a nutrition major. She's never been bigger than a six in the last 30 years (aside from two pregnancies).
My father's family tends to be on the heavier side, and the women are very curvy. Puberty hit me like a ton of bricks because I developed breasts and hips practically overnight. My mom wasn't used to that kind of development, so she kept encouraging me to "just lose 5 pounds". Well, I started engaging in unhealthy ways to lose weight, but kept wearing baggy clothes because I was so embarrassed of my "fat" body (I was a size 10-12 because of my chest and hips, but I had a 28 inch waist and you could see my ribs, and then I grew 4 inches so my body evened out), so my mom didn't realize how thin I was getting. If you look at my prom picture, you can see my collar bones protruding. My mom finally figured out what was going on when she saw me in that dress and it took several years of counseling before I finally felt better about my curvy body. I ruined my digestive system due to imbalances in stomach acid from starving myself and throwing up and I still have ulcers today.
Your husband may not realize how much little phrases may hurt a young girl, but it's great that you do. Talk to you husband because he probably doesn't realize how much his words can hurt. Take her shopping to find clothes that flatter her figure. Get her involved with sports to help her feel active. I started hiking in college and while I'm still a size 10, I'm pure muscle below the waist and I look and feel great. Keep an eye on her as puberty starts and encourage healthy eating, but don't comment if you see her gaining weight. If it starts to get out of hand (a lot of people gain weight before a growth spurt, but it can go beyond that), start going for walks with her without telling her that it's for exercise. Keep an eye out for compulsive eating as well- if she was malnourished, she may associate food with comfort, so help her come up with healthy ways of dealing with stress.
I think you have the right idea...I probably would add... "if you want me to help you get REALLY healthy, maybe we can join a gym together, walk together etc etc 3 times a week... Physical activity is key to staying healthy... I would work on a plan you can both do on together...
I see kids around 8 years old at our gym...running/walking on a treadmill right next to mom or dad... I love to see that!
Oh God...welcome to the fun and exciting life of raising girls!
Kids are mean and those kids who don't have very high self esteem (very few do) will take everything someone says to them as the truth. If your daughter isn't fat, she obviously let a person's comment get under her skin.
My daughter is VERY tall for her age and while she's not in any way fat, she's not one of those stick-thin kids whose pants fall down either. She wears normal clothes and they fit her like they should. But...a few kids in her class have said some dumb things that have hurt her feelings so in an effort to keep her self-esteem up about her size, when we go clothes shopping, I get clothes for her that are too big. She tries them on and they are huge. I make a point to say, "Oh...you need a smaller size 'cuz you're so skinny".
It's a never ending cycle of women trying on clothes and hating their bodies because they don't fit into "skinny jeans" or worse, those that refuse to get a different size and so they're squeezed into clothes that make them look ridiculous.
Your job is to let your daughter see how great clothes look on her. You're the adult so it's your job to find the jeans you know will fit her. If your kid's not skinny, don't bring "skinny jeans" into the dressing room. In every store, there are WALLS of jeans...most are in different cuts...so avoid the stuff you know won't fit her and find the stuff you know that will. Have her try on the "loose fit" stuff which will likely be too big. It's always better to see yourself in clothes that don't fit because they're too big than starting off your clothes shopping feeling bad about yourself. If your daughter is in between sizes, get her the largest size first.
Also, use the opportunity to reinforce your daughter's body image. There's nothing we can do about the images our kids see and especially the images that girls see that are declared "beautiful". What we can do is reinforce what is truly "normal" and what is not. There's a huge leap between obese and emaciated and the more girls are exposed to emaciated being used as the definition of "normal" the more their self esteem will suffer.
Your husband may not realize how much little phrases may hurt a young girl, but it's great that you do. Talk to you husband because he probably doesn't realize how much his words can hurt. .....
eh?
Husband did what?
I read this in the OP post
Quote:
This AM after hubby took kids to the bus, he told me our newly adopted oldest (9) girl told him she only had one pair of jeans to wear because they were the only ones that didn't make her look fat.
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