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Old 09-12-2013, 01:16 PM
 
Location: Mesa, AZ
451 posts, read 596,759 times
Reputation: 1164

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Quote:
Originally Posted by SandyCo View Post
How do I light a fire under him?!
Stop paying for things. He's legally an adult, you are no longer obligated to provide him with food, shelter, etc. It sounds like college is a waste of his time and your money, at least for right now. Let him spend some time out in the real world and let him figure out what he wants to do with his life. Once he has an ambition, then it will make sense for him to pursue a corresponding education. As long as you are paying for everything and he's happy with that, nothing is going to change.
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Old 09-12-2013, 01:18 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 86,082,030 times
Reputation: 39670
Quote:
Originally Posted by SandyCo View Post
Another update: He's now 24 years old. The bad news is that he's still living at home. This is due to a mountain of credit card debt that he accrued when he bought an old POS car that he tried to fix and ended up selling (he's now driving my old car). The good news is that he's still working at Ralphs, and has been promoted twice; he's now a seafood manager there and is just waiting to get his own store (he's kind of a floater right now).

He has definite plans to move out within the next year. I talk to him about that every once in a while, to remind him that this situation won't last forever. He's seeing the discrepancy between rents in L.A. vs. what he's making, and he's trying to find other ways to make money and supplement his income from Ralphs.

I know other people will say that I should have kicked him out when he was 19 or 20, but in this economy I don't think that would have been the best solution. Jobs are extremely scarce around here.

My daughter, the one who graduated from U.C. Berkeley, worked with autistic kids for a few months, decided she couldn't stand doing that, and she went back to working at Coldwater Creek as a clerk. Her store closed a year later, and she was unemployed for three months. Then she got a minimum wage holiday job at Macy's. Finally she got out of retail a few months ago, and is making $10 an hour as a receptionist for a manufacturing firm. They're going to promote her into the Engineering Department, and she'll be making a whopping $11 an hour.

My son sees his older sister struggling like that, making less than he is (he's making $15 an hour with far better benefits!), and he can't see the value of obtaining a degree. I've told him he should at least finish his AA, so it'll prove he did that much. He's very close to having that - maybe two or three classes. I don't think he'll ever set the world on fire academically, but he could do this.

He's definitely paying down the credit card debt, though rather slowly. He was making less than $10 an hour for almost five years, and one of his credit cards was charging 23%!!! Due to his debt to income ratio, he wasn't approved for another, lower rate card for a long time. That has since changed, that card has been paid off, and now he's working on the others. If nothing else, this has taught him a valuable lesson about credit, spending more than you make, etc.

I do feel a little better knowing that I'm not alone in this situation. I also worry about the time he has lost; those years are gone, and he can't ever get them back. However, we all take different roads in life, and sometimes it's only later looking back that we realize the long term consequences of our choices.


Some people posting today have missed this fairly recent update...
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Old 09-14-2013, 08:08 PM
 
Location: The Greater Houston Metro Area
8,955 posts, read 14,097,945 times
Reputation: 14777
So many degrees are a waste of money. We have a shortage of medical, engineering, tech and science. Getting a degree in 17th Century Women's Poetry or the like - and racking up student loan debt - is insane. I have a friend that is coming out of retirement for the second time to pay for his daughter to go back to school. 4th time - each degree was useless. She will not be able to support herself with the stupid majors she keeps selecting - but maybe that is the point?
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Old 09-15-2013, 06:32 AM
 
Location: USA
6,171 posts, read 4,956,679 times
Reputation: 10548
Quote:
Originally Posted by cheryjohns View Post
So many degrees are a waste of money. We have a shortage of medical, engineering, tech and science. Getting a degree in 17th Century Women's Poetry or the like - and racking up student loan debt - is insane. I have a friend that is coming out of retirement for the second time to pay for his daughter to go back to school. 4th time - each degree was useless. She will not be able to support herself with the stupid majors she keeps selecting - but maybe that is the point?

Yeah, there is no point going to college for anything except STEM. It also helps to go to a "name brand" college so you can network. All my friends who did two years at a rinky dink commuter community college and called it a day are working minimum wage.
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