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Old 09-13-2013, 02:34 PM
 
7 posts, read 9,180 times
Reputation: 10

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Hi all ~ I have been reading allot around the web, found some good thoughts but my situation is a bit different so I thought I would "tell my story here"
I am married with 3 kids, the 19 year old boy is the oldest of the 3.
My wife and I are lost with him...

My boy is 19 and a HS graduate.
Never had a drivers lic.
Never had a job
Doesn't go to school
Doesn't do much of ANYTHING except sleep and play online video games (did)

My wife and I have taken everything away that is extra = internet & cell phone.
He has a laptop that he bought with the money he saved from Christmas and birthday that he received from relatives. it is currently blocked from the internet.

He has had the same chores to do around the house for well over 5years. Still EVERY day we have to force him to do them..if we don't say anything to him he will NOT do them. Everyday for years this has been going on. Before he graduated he would loose internet privileges for not doing his chores..well now we need him to get his life going but he refuses to take action for himself.

He won't talk. When I or my wife talk to him, it's like talking to wall. He just won't speak up, mumbles and makes excuses is all we ever hear.
I leave the home everyday for work but my wife does not and she is miserable because of him never leaving his room ALL DAY LONG & Night. Sleeping and eating is all he does. It's wearing hard on my wife and she is MAD all the time because of his inaction to start his lfe as a young adult.

This is affecting our marriage BIG TIME(20years now) and she is blaming me for his lack of interest to join society/get a drivers lic/get a job/go out side/wake up in the am/ etc...
"You are the Father it's your job to make him do what he needs to do."
He and her only fight now, verbally shouting all the time...she is done with him.

He has no friends (besides online) he hangs out with, he does NOTHING.

How can a I fix this?
Has someone here been thru this?

Thanks for your time and thoughts in advance.
Steve

 
Old 09-13-2013, 02:36 PM
 
Location: Kountze, Texas
1,013 posts, read 1,415,759 times
Reputation: 1276
change the locks on all of the doors next time he leaves the house for anything
 
Old 09-13-2013, 02:44 PM
 
7 posts, read 9,180 times
Reputation: 10
Yeah = Tuff Love, this one I'm not sure would do anythign..he doesn't even have a key to the house..never needed one :-(
 
Old 09-13-2013, 02:57 PM
 
3,276 posts, read 7,827,254 times
Reputation: 8308
Tell him he has 30 days to either get a job or join the military. Otherwise, he will be on the side of the road with the rest of the trash. Those are his three choices. It's called tough love, and it will be the best thing for him. If you continue to coddle him, before you know it he will be 29.. 39... and 49 and still mooching off of you. When you die, he'll live under an overpass. Don't believe it? I have an uncle in his 50s who lives with his mother because he is too butt lazy to get a job. Do not let that be your son.
 
Old 09-13-2013, 03:01 PM
 
7 posts, read 9,180 times
Reputation: 10
Oh I believe it!
Thanks
Growing pains for me too, I just pray I can reach him before it comes to the whole "kick him to the curb" solution...
 
Old 09-13-2013, 03:08 PM
 
Location: Kountze, Texas
1,013 posts, read 1,415,759 times
Reputation: 1276
Yikes! Steve - This didn't begin over night - when he was 16-17 during school - was he the same way? He needs severe counseling. He has got to talk to someone.
 
Old 09-13-2013, 03:15 PM
 
Location: Gaston, South Carolina
15,697 posts, read 9,444,201 times
Reputation: 17596
Steve;

Someone else said it: this doesn't happen over night. What part of this do you and your wife accept as your responsibility? What do you want him to do? Go to college? Maybe a tech school. Get an entry level job? Just leave? It didn't get this bad over night and the problem won't just go away over night either. Beyond that, congratulations on raising a fine, young man. How are the other two kids?
 
Old 09-13-2013, 03:17 PM
 
7 posts, read 9,180 times
Reputation: 10
Oh yeah, he has been this way for years. I had hope he would grow out of it once he finnished HS..I was wrong.

I am a fairly mellow person and I consider myself reasonable and approchable. Yet everytime I try and get him to open up to me and tell me "what modivates you son" "let's do it, I will help you".. I get nothing in return from him. Other than having my wife yell at me everyday due to her frustration of his inaction... it's getting really hard not to rebel against her for jamming me up like that. I'm like the peace keeper between them.
 
Old 09-13-2013, 03:20 PM
 
13,976 posts, read 25,864,248 times
Reputation: 39857
I think you need a mental health professional for your son. Depression is a huge possibility.
 
Old 09-13-2013, 03:23 PM
 
Location: Finally escaped The People's Republic of California
11,269 posts, read 8,629,649 times
Reputation: 6390
Yep, it's time for that Father- Son talk....
Look son, your an adult now and as an adult it's time to make some tough decisions. Jump in the car and take him to see the homeless begging in front of the store. Decision #1
You want to be homeless?
Take him by the recruiters office and show him the men of the military.. Decision #2
You want to become a real man??
See if he wants to get a job, but tell him you will take 50% of what ever he makes for rent, because adults pay rent....
Or go back to school if he doesn't Like any of these options, only feed him oatmeal for breakfast lunch and dinner with water to drink, because you are only responsible for children not lazy adults.....
When he does start trying then shift gears and support him as much as possible
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