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I would have made my child tell the teacher what happened because the child needs to own up to his mistake of breaking the no toy rule. Then the teacher can notify the other kid's parents and let them deal with disciplining their own child. Meanwhile, I would have disciplined my own child for knowingly breaking the rules by taking those particular toys away from him.
Ah so the kid knows the rules.
And now he knows that he can disobey his parents if he feels like it too.
Disagree. Play is important. School should be funWhy. OK for your kid to break school rules and disobey his parents but not to steal Hmmmm.
Handle it? how? Is punching OK. Finally. I know these slack teachers. They only work till 3pm and have about a gazillion holidays. Plenty of time to respond to pesky parents on matters of disciplineBut you are making a big deal out of it.
Yes you were wrong.
1. You let the kid take stuff to school that was against school rules.
2. You 'told' your kid to fix it'
3. You waste the teachers time.
and he learned it all right. He learned
I can do what I like
School rules are not really rules as such. Meerly guidelines that I should consider following.
Mom's rules. Well they are ... er.... well not either.
You asked.
First off, lose the condescending attitude! I'm sorry if you felt that I wasted the teacher's time, unfortunately I gave my son the opportunity to handle it first (and no not by punching the other kid). He attempted to handle the situation, and the other kid lied to him about it! Furthermore; stealing someone's personal property is much worse than a kid bringing a toy to school. That is completely unacceptable! So, I should have just let it go? So, the other kid realizes, "hey no consequences, what else can I take?" The next thing you know down the road, it's someone's cell phone, than an i-pod, who knows? Sorry. Not happening. Are you one of those people that sides with a burglar who breaks into someone's house falls, breaks his legs, and sues the homeowner?
What my son did is no excuse either, and he has learned from it. Tell me, what kid hasn't broken a rule at school? Weren't you a kid once? I know I have, but I can tell you stealing someone's personal property wasn't one of them! And finally, my wife and I are doing our due dilligence in raising him properly. Something that is severly lacking with other parents in this day and age. He excels in school, and doesn't have any behavioral issues. He made a mistake, we've talked about it, and it's done.
Explain to your son, THAT is exactly WHY they have rules at school! There is always somebody that will steal what someone else has rather it be a toy, a watch, a iPod or whatever. Even at a workplace people will steal.
The high school I worked at, watches and cash were the favorite choices for the thieves and always during PE when they had to leave those things in the dressing room.
Tell him DO NOT take anything to school that he does not want stolen, now or ever and warn him, if he does, don't come home crying when it gets stolen.
I do agree with you. I have NO use for a thief and while it is a toy today, tomorrow it could be something bigger and more expensive. I think a lot of kids at one time or another go through that stealing phase and it depends on how the parents handle it as to rather that behavior continues or not. The parents need to be made aware that their child IS stealing somehow.
Furthermore; stealing someone's personal property is much worse than a kid bringing a toy to school. That is completely unacceptable! So, I should have just let it go? So, the other kid realizes, "hey no consequences, what else can I take?" The next thing you know down the road, it's someone's cell phone, than an i-pod, who knows?
That's why I would have taken my child and gone to the other parent. Both boys go to school each day, but they go home at night. It's easier dealing with a teacher who isn't personally invested in your or the other boy's morality, but both boys have to go home to mom and dad. As a parent, I would be mortified to have another parent at my door saying my child is a thief, and that little thief would be sorry to see it come down on him at home.
Trouble is, the boy who did the stealing lives in a community. He learns little by this being kept in school as a school issue. It isn't. It's a social issue. This boy goes to stores and other homes where, if he gets into stealing, will spill over into other aspects of his life. Parents are who are responsible for his actions everywhere, not just school. They need to deal with the bigger issues.
Your son did make a mistake, but not an earth shattering one. He should understand that the other boy can't steal anything that isn't there. If his belongings aren't at school the other boy can't take them, hence, a good reason for the no toys at school rule.
My daughter learned that lesson pretty fast. It took only one DS game chip to be stolen from her backpack (she's 6). As she was sitting at home in the evening with an empty DS case (the DS system itself wasn't stolen), I asked her how she felt. She said, in a very calm voice, that she wanted to scream. That level of emotional self-control was impressive alone in a 6yo child. And after that (one and only unpleasant experience), nothing can make her take anything personal to school.
But kids are different, I know, some take much longer time to learn a lesson.
Yes, you did the right thing. This hits a nerve with me. The aftercare rule: "we try to encourage children not to bring toys" (nicely worded rule, right?), was not made know to me. But common sense told me that if my daughter brought toys to her school, especially in the aftercare, something could happen to them. Many of the kids there seemed to have issues. She begged to bring a Barbie doll. Since she had brought another similar doll with no problem, I consented but warned her of the consequences.
Well, guess what happened? The girl who seemed to know the most about the disappearance of that doll was suspect to me. The aftercare staff basically threw up its hands and told me about the above "rule." Plus, they can't search the kids, etc. The suspected thief later brought the skirt the Barbie doll had been wearing to my daughter, claiming she "found" it. I had to explain to my daughter that I thought this child had taken the doll, that she was to bring no more dolls with her, and she needed to take better care of her toys.
Of course, other issues weren't lost on me. Like the general lack of supervision at the aftercare, the lack of structure, the lack of professionalism. When another incident occurred, and I made a complaint to the head of staff, they tried to blame my daughter. Then they focused on the fact that I had been late picking her up and kicked her out of the aftercare. LOL. Best thing they could have done. I had been researching other options anyway, and I quickly found a better aftercare for my daughter to finish out the school year.
So, my daughter learned about not only caring for her toys, choosing friends and the importance of rules (although the rule wasn't made clear to either of us). She hasn't had anything taken from her at the aftercare she attends now. There is no strict rule about toys, but I helped her to choose what to take (something of less value) until she could make the decision on her own.
And trying to equate brining in toys that is against the rules to stealing that is against the rules seems pretty ridiculous to me.
I would have also punished my child for breaking the rules about taking in toys. Perhaps take the toys after you got them back for a period of time and made it pretty clear that if any toys were taken in to school going forward they would end up being donated to goodwill.
OP, you negated any meaningful consequence your child might have experienced by getting his toys back for him. Yes, let the teacher know the other boy is stealing and let the teacher handle that but I wouldn't have made any effort to get the toys back. He knew the rules and you told him not to take toys. He made another choice and should get to live with the consequences. I'd have told my son if he complained about the missing toys...
"Gee, that's too bad. We told you that they might get lost or stolen and they did. Don't take toys to school anymore."
You can bet the next time DS asked me to buy him a toy the answer would be, "No.". We'd talk about not being responsible with the toys he already has, breaking school rules, etc.
Experiencing consequences (both good and bad) helps kids learn to make good choices. YOU aren't responsible for making sure the other kid gets his consequences, you are responsible for YOUR kid and I think you missed the mark on this one.
Honestly, I think you did the right thing but that you made a mistake also. You did the right thing in allowing your child to try and handle it. You did the right thing in getting in touch with the teacher instead of the other child's parent because, since he had the toys in his desk, chances are that the little thief would've just denied it to his parents and they would've taken his side as any parent would. His parents might even know about his thieving ways and not care; he had to learn it from somewhere.
The mistake that I think you made was in not punishing your child afterwards. He knew the school rule and he didn't listen to you or his mother about not taking the toys to school so he disobeyed the school and, most importantly, you. When I was that age, that warranted a week's grounding with not tv or toys or going outside to play (my parents really knew how to ground a guy). Nobody can tell you how to raise your child but, if what you're really trying to do is teach him a lesson, I think you failed.
Letting him know that those toys cost money and that you work hard for it might not be a bad idea either. At about the age of 9, my parents started bringing home piggie banks for my brother and I to fill during the year. All our birthday and christmas money and anything that we might get here or there would go into these banks and we would get to break them in December. My parents would then take us to Toys R Us for a shopping spree with our own money and only spend their money on clothes for us for christmas. I can tell you that I took much better care of my toys once this happened since suddenly I was spending my own money on them.
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