Step-parents... Is it really that hard???

[Mightyqueen801]

Originally Posted by Robhu

I'll will tell you my experience.
I had 4 kids by my first wife. Two girls, two boys.
The marriage didn't last.
I got custody of the kids. That was in 1981 when fathers didn't usualy get custody.
At the time the kids ranged in age from 6 months to 6 years.
I later married my present wife in 1983 who had 2 kids from a previous marriage.
My oldest and her oldest were 3 days apart in age.
My youngest daughter and her youngest son were 1 month apart in age.
So we raised 6 kids all born within a six year period.
My 2 youngest and her youngest didn't really ever make a bond with their biological mom and dad.
All they knew was us as parents as the years went by.
Of course they occasionaly saw the birth mother and the dad but they were just people in their lives. Not everyday parents.
My step childrens dad saw them maybe once or twice a year.
My kids biological mother went for almost 12 years at one point in their lives with no contact with my kids. Not even a birthday or Christmas card. Her choice, not mine. I did nothing to keep them isolated from her.
Now that they are all grown they have gotten back in contact with their biological parents and have freguent contact with them.
But my step children call me Dad and my kids call my wife Mom.
They know who raised and cared enough about them to bring them up in such a way to be successful and responsible adults.
And thanfully, they are.
I will admit it hurts a little bit to see them getting more close to the other parents as adults.
But we will always be Mom and Dad. The others may become friends now that they don't have to go through the process or responsibility of raising them.
But the kids know who took care of them and provided for them while they were growing up.
We raised them from an early age and there is no stepchild or step sibling.
We never allowed the word "step" to be spoken. They are all brothers and sisters to each other and we are Mom and Dad.
It worked out well for us because they were so young when it all came together.
I can see where it might be a problem if kids are older and they have to adjust from a life they have known for years to a new family situation.
But even if that is the case, the adults have to stick together and back up each other.
And all involved have to let the kids know they are loved and not blamed for the problems that the parents had.
And no biological parent should ever let a child be abused or mistreated by a step parent.
That is not acceptable under any circumstances.

This was wonderful to read.

[pennel]

It is absolutely hard . Depending on the age of the kids for the most part they are
already set in their mothers ways and attitudes towards the father and what I
have found is that the mother trys to sabotauge the good that the step mother
tries to do for them and becomes very frustrating and can reck the relationship
especially if the guy didnt tell his new spouse that he had kids in the beginning
and I think that is wrong. When the new spouse didnt want to have kids at all
but then is pounced on with four, its just wrong and makes for too much stress
It changes the whole relationship and life style and just isnt going to work.
this has happened to my daughter and she just dosent know what to do now. She loves her man but they dont agree on how to raise the kids or disipline at all
and there arer issues that the mother wont deal with and is a bad parent and just
collects child support and lives like a pig and teaches the kids nothing. The kids
are young and only 7 and are extremely over weight and lazy and the dad dose
nothing to change it or even say anything to the mother of the kids??????

Its just ashame how these women that get lost of child support and dosent buy
the kids the things they need and keeps asking the father for more ? I just dont
get it at all. and it is especially bad when the father is passive about the wrong
things that the mother does.???????????????????????? It is obvious that the
mother just dont care about what happens to the kids.???

In my opinion they dont deserve the kids at all. but going back to court could
mean that the father would have to pay more money, for what????? Its just
hopeless and sad.
Please if you have any advise please feel free to respond.