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Parents, do you look at the history in your child's computer to see what sites they have been visiting? Do you use Cyber Nanny or other adult filters? If you found they were visiting "adult only" sites, what would you do?
No.
No.
Ask them if they have any questions about what they saw, and then answer them honestly and plainly.
I have three young kids and the only one really on the computer is the 5 year old. He has his own user name and I setup basic protections. He can't download/install anything or change settings and he can only visit sites that I allow. So, if he wants to go to a website I have to enable it for him. I only do this because of his age and how easy it is to stumble on things that aren't appropriate. He's not on the computer much, twice a week for school assignments (yes Pre-K has assigned work you need a computer for) and to play some games on Nick Jr. or something.
Probably the only site he uses that I am ever even concerned about is YouTube. He likes to watch cartoons and other things on there, but there is also definitely some questionable content under some of the super hero names. We try to build trust and he tells my wife or I right away if he saw something he knew he probably shouldn't watch.
When he gets older I have no problem with him having a computer of his own and keeping it in his room. I really haven't thought of an appropriate age yet, but most likely when he starts having school work that requires regular computer use. Once he has his own computer I don't plan on restricting what he uses it for or doing regular history checks. If he wants to surf porn at 14, then so be it, it's his personal business, not mine.
I don't believe in censoring or monitoring kids through technology. Trust and respect needs to be built up both ways. I would rather have the relationship where I can ask my son what he was doing on his computer and get an honest answer than monitor what he is doing and confront him with a list of porn sites he visited.
Given under a certain age/maturity level you need to control it. I don't think there is a magic number age wise where you don't need to control it, but more of a maturity and trust level.
I guess my feelings on this are a little more liberal than most. I grew up with a computer in the house from the time I was little, but my parents had almost no knowledge on how it worked let alone how to control my usage of it. It was always in my room and I know I did/looked at things that would have made my mother rather upset, but in hindsight it was nothing that I would be really pissed at my kids for looking at/doing at the same age. Just because I know what they might be doing and have the knowledge to monitor and control it doesn't mean I should.
We had a desktop since I was 10.
I went onto forums for tv shows I watched like ER and Xfiles etc.
As I got older around 12/13, I started to play pool on Yahoo and got a hotmail email address and an AIM screen name and at 14 I was regularly IMing friends.
From 10-14 the desktop was in the living room because its where my mom mainly used it.
When I was 14 we moved towns and we had a huge basement and the desktop went down there in the office space, which was only used by me really.
I don't know whether my mom checked my history or not. She never told me if she did. I usually deleted my history so I really don't know. She never talked to me about anything and I never really did anything wrong.
My mom didn't have my passwords so she never checked that.
When I was 16 I got a hand me down laptop and from there on out I had it in my room all the time. I still have a laptop now.
I know for a fact after that age she never knew what I did online. She never checked it. It was always in my room. I had it password protected.
Sure, i've looked at porn but thats the extent of it and that isn't even that bad, its porn BFD...
gawd...........wishd' i had a computer when i was a boy.....alls i had was tha sears catalog.
Our computer is in the living room. The screen is visible no matter where in the living room someone is. My daughter now has a laptop, but instead of taking it into her bedroom, she prefers to stay in the living room.
My youngest is 11 and he uses his laptop in my presence.
My other boys are 16 and almost 14. I really don't care if the older ones see porn or not. When I was a kid boys their age snuck porn and it was no big deal. It's still no big deal. They are healthy boys with a healthy interest in girls. I am sure they will find pornography at some time. It doesn't seem to have hurt most men of my husband's generation and I am pretty sure my kids won't become degenerate perverts because they look at naked girl pictures as teens.
I do worry about their security online though. They are both my friend and my husband's friend on Facebook and we do make sure we go over security protocol with them. Their user names on forums do not personally identify them. I worry more about this than I do pornography. My oldest just got his drivers license so I keep pretty close tabs on where he is going, with whom, etc.
I also worry about them getting into trouble with pictures of girls that could be called child pornography. I have spoken with them at length and had them read articles about boys their age who have had run ins with the law over that sort of thing. I would rather they look at the legal stuff than be labeled a sex offender over some cheerleader's picture.
I think it's pretty normal for teenaged boys to want to see naked pictures of girls.
My computer parental controls are set up so that I get an e-mail alert which is also sent to my phone if either of my children visit an adult site. This feature has also been installed in their laptops as well. It immediately locks down their computer's hard drive and sends a screen shot of the actual site they were on. So far I only had one incident with my son and I made him show his mother what site he was visiting. Needless to say the incident never repeated itself.
As of now, I have no intention of putting block on my child's computer or even the tv. At some point, all kids are curious about sex, and will find it the old fashioned way (magazines or "Skinemax") or online. I don't think porn is inherently evil, and I don't think people who find porn enjoyable (in moderation) are sick and perverted. I do, however, have every intention of talking about sex, porn, mysogeny, etc, when the time comes. I hope he'll feel comfortable enough to talk about it too, and ask questions.
I remember being a tween and accidently changing the channel to a flick. My cousin and I stared open mouthed the whole time. It did not make us search out more porn or become perverts in any way.
I would worry more about who they might be chatting to in teen chat rooms. Unfortunately, predators pretending to be kids hang out in these rooms more than you might believe.
My computer parental controls are set up so that I get an e-mail alert which is also sent to my phone if either of my children visit an adult site. This feature has also been installed in their laptops as well. It immediately locks down their computer's hard drive and sends a screen shot of the actual site they were on. So far I only had one incident with my son and I made him show his mother what site he was visiting. Needless to say the incident never repeated itself.
Out of cuiosity how old are the kids? The whole setup seems a little crazy and over the top.
Also, if these are teens we are talking about why not use the fact he was looking at porn as something constuctive for discussion rather than embarass and punish him over it. Instead of dad talking to him about his burgeoning interest in girls and sex and building trust he gets run up the mast to mom. I really think you're taking the wrong approach.
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