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Old 05-27-2010, 08:54 AM
 
1,917 posts, read 2,977,355 times
Reputation: 750

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Quote:
Originally Posted by krewat View Post
I have come to the realization that no matter what you say or do, some people will "get it" and others never will, when it comes to unruly kids.

There are "parents as friends" and "parents as parents".

"Parents as parents" understand they are there to train their children to become upstanding citizens of a society where it's not all about "me me me". Part of that training entails telling them things they don't like to hear, as well as disciplining them when necessary, and even accepting that they have to inconvenience themselves (by leaving the restaurant, let's say) to prove a point.

"Parents as friends" will defend their children no matter what, sometimes to the point of punching another person in the face for having the audacity to say something bad about their kids. These parents have a few distinguishing traits that I believe we have all seen, but many will not recognize in themselves.

Those who understand the difference between the two will recognize those traits, so I don't even have to go into what they are.

Those who do NOT understand the difference will never recognize it in a million years, so again, no need to go into it here.

I pretty much disagree and here's why...
I don't believe that *most* parents fit either definition all the time. Most are a combination of the two. When people notice a child acting up and choose to blame the parents, they are not understanding that it's probable that *most* times, their child is indeed well behaved.
Picking on a parent at this time will garner a negative reaction because it just adds to the stress level. This is why I say many people who act all appalled about kids are selfish and refuse to see the other side.

 
Old 05-27-2010, 10:05 AM
 
8,681 posts, read 7,631,769 times
Reputation: 14945
Quote:
Originally Posted by krewat View Post
I have come to the realization that no matter what you say or do, some people will "get it" and others never will, when it comes to unruly kids.

There are "parents as friends" and "parents as parents".

"Parents as parents" understand they are there to train their children to become upstanding citizens of a society where it's not all about "me me me". Part of that training entails telling them things they don't like to hear, as well as disciplining them when necessary, and even accepting that they have to inconvenience themselves (by leaving the restaurant, let's say) to prove a point.

"Parents as friends" will defend their children no matter what, sometimes to the point of punching another person in the face for having the audacity to say something bad about their kids. These parents have a few distinguishing traits that I believe we have all seen, but many will not recognize in themselves.

Those who understand the difference between the two will recognize those traits, so I don't even have to go into what they are.

Those who do NOT understand the difference will never recognize it in a million years, so again, no need to go into it here.
Yep! You've nailed it.
 
Old 05-27-2010, 10:24 AM
 
1,917 posts, read 2,977,355 times
Reputation: 750
Quote:
Originally Posted by Avienne View Post
Yep! You've nailed it.

Not surprised you support the idea that all parents are incompetent. One day when you have kids you can teach us all.
 
Old 05-27-2010, 10:37 AM
Status: "Nothing could be finer than to be in Carolina" (set 24 days ago)
 
Location: under the beautiful Carolina blue
9,050 posts, read 10,390,962 times
Reputation: 5048
Quote:
Originally Posted by scottzilla View Post
Not surprised you support the idea that all parents are incompetent. One day when you have kids you can teach us all.
Don't you know the best parents are the ones who have no kids? They know everything!
 
Old 05-27-2010, 10:39 AM
Status: "Nothing could be finer than to be in Carolina" (set 24 days ago)
 
Location: under the beautiful Carolina blue
9,050 posts, read 10,390,962 times
Reputation: 5048
If you're judging someone's parenting skills by observing 30 minutes in public, you need to get a hobby. I'd hate to be judged by some of our public displays. Then again, there are others that I'd love to be judged by. It's hardly a truism that it's all or nothing at any given time.
 
Old 05-27-2010, 11:44 AM
 
Location: Union County
5,118 posts, read 4,886,087 times
Reputation: 3728
Quote:
Originally Posted by twingles View Post
If you're judging someone's parenting skills by observing 30 minutes in public, you need to get a hobby. I'd hate to be judged by some of our public displays. Then again, there are others that I'd love to be judged by. It's hardly a truism that it's all or nothing at any given time.
Thread won't die, but that was worth saying... totally agree.

and guys... know-it-alls (so often on full display here at CD), just simply KNOW IT ALL - come on now. Practical experience is useless when they can refer to babysitting, observing down their nose in a restaurant / mall, or internet links!

The old sports analogy of arm chair QB is relevant as ever.
 
Old 05-27-2010, 01:02 PM
 
Location: Nassau, Long Island, NY
15,783 posts, read 16,746,836 times
Reputation: 6459
Quote:
Originally Posted by captaincatfish View Post
Here in Ohio, I've seen BOTH extremes...people attempting to step in to discipline someone else's unruly child, and parents who have meltdowns of their own and start threatening to go 'WWE Smackdown' on their kids---AND anyone who tries to stop said parental meltdown...

And as I stated in the post you quoted (with a slight correction---the adult was actually disciplining their OWN child) my brother and I were in a department store in suburban Cleveland...little guy about 4 or 5 yrs old had somehow gotten separated from his Mom...he had made it to the front of the store, and was sobbing his little heart out, crying for his Mom, who suddenly appeared and (sidebar: I'm black) did her best loud mouth hoodrat badass b**ch impression, telling the kid 'what the f**k is wrong witchoo? Didn't I tell yo' ass not to leave me? Im'a whup yo ass in front'a all these damn people' and proceeded to smack the kid across the face at least 3 times---and I'm talking adult-level slaps, not love taps, and proceeded to take a rolled up belt from her purse...I lost it at that point---and at 270 pounds, I'm no midget...but my brother could see I was hot and set on 'destroy' and wisely grabbed me and hustled me out of the store...

So I can totally sympathize with you on the stepping in part...it's not normally my business if a parent is applying discipline, true enough, but when they start going 'badass' on the kid and acting like they're in a boxing ring, instead of acting like they have sense and doing that kind of discipline out of the public eye, and I'm within range, I'm gonna call the cops...and if that doesn't work, then they're gonna deal with me---like you , I simply cannot stand people doing that in my face
I get angry when I see this, but I absolutely do not show it. Reason is, it's not going to help the situation. If I just walk up to the rampaging mom and start in aggressively on her, she's just going to temporarily transfer her angry outburst to me. And there's a poor little kid, still traumatized because now the mother is fighting with a stranger! And perhaps later they will get a worse beating because they "caused" mom to get dissed in public. So when you can't hide your anger in the situation, it's better not to approach at all.

Sometimes in order to get what you want from someone, the key is you have to be who they need you to be in the moment. My M.O. is to literally kill them with kindness ... just come bulldozing over with cheerful, smiling helpfulness and treat the rampaging maniac respectfully. Before they know it, I've got the packet of tissues out of my purse and I'm wiping the kid's tears, chatting a mile a minute with the now quieted down mother, offering a little packet of teddy grahams or pretzels to the child ("Can s/he have some ____? Look sweetie, do you want a snack?"). Then the mom has snapped out of the enraged trance she was in and is confiding in me how bad she feels about freaking out. Yeah, so I'm being manipulative and phony ... but it's for a good cause and I get to see a child smile through the tears.
 
Old 05-27-2010, 01:56 PM
 
98 posts, read 208,645 times
Reputation: 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by krewat View Post
I have come to the realization that no matter what you say or do, some people will "get it" and others never will, when it comes to unruly kids.

There are "parents as friends" and "parents as parents".

"Parents as parents" understand they are there to train their children to become upstanding citizens of a society where it's not all about "me me me". Part of that training entails telling them things they don't like to hear, as well as disciplining them when necessary, and even accepting that they have to inconvenience themselves (by leaving the restaurant, let's say) to prove a point.

"Parents as friends" will defend their children no matter what, sometimes to the point of punching another person in the face for having the audacity to say something bad about their kids. These parents have a few distinguishing traits that I believe we have all seen, but many will not recognize in themselves.

Those who understand the difference between the two will recognize those traits, so I don't even have to go into what they are.

Those who do NOT understand the difference will never recognize it in a million years, so again, no need to go into it here.
QFE. I have been watching this thread , interesting discussion. As one who has had her dinner/lunch/brunch ruined, too many times to mention, by rampaging brats and their irresponsible parents, you can guess at my position on this issue.

Times have indeed changed. I am 46 and when I was a child, if I ever acted up in a public place (let alone a restaurant) I got my butt handed to me in an instant by my Mother and didn't get to go out to eat next time. I remember the PTA meetings where teachers would openly PRAISE my Mom for raising such well-mannered children and seeing her face beam with Pride. Not so today. People do nothing but make excuses for bad behaviors in their children, partly I suppose, because they feel they are to blame. And they are right, they are.

Last edited by BklynGirl45; 05-27-2010 at 02:15 PM..
 
Old 05-27-2010, 05:22 PM
 
Location: Where my bills arrive
3,498 posts, read 3,667,839 times
Reputation: 2103
Quote:
Originally Posted by krewat View Post
I have come to the realization that no matter what you say or do, some people will "get it" and others never will, when it comes to unruly kids.

There are "parents as friends" and "parents as parents".

"Parents as parents" understand they are there to train their children to become upstanding citizens of a society where it's not all about "me me me". Part of that training entails telling them things they don't like to hear, as well as disciplining them when necessary, and even accepting that they have to inconvenience themselves (by leaving the restaurant, let's say) to prove a point.

"Parents as friends" will defend their children no matter what, sometimes to the point of punching another person in the face for having the audacity to say something bad about their kids. These parents have a few distinguishing traits that I believe we have all seen, but many will not recognize in themselves.

Those who understand the difference between the two will recognize those traits, so I don't even have to go into what they are.

Those who do NOT understand the difference will never recognize it in a million years, so again, no need to go into it here.
Bravo! Well said! I work in a school system (non-teaching position)
and from what I see I can only conclude that my generation (i'm 49) has made the worst parents, let me rephrase that they are adults with legal dependents. Too many try to be a friend, their kids run amok, have no respect for their teachers or any authority and the first words out of the parents mouth is either "what did you do to them" or "not my child". I am generalizing in my statements and have seen alot of great kids with concerned invloved parents but at time the others out number them.

The disruptive self centered conduct carries itself in other public venues such as stores, restaurants, movie's etc. If you say anything the parent says "their just being kids" maybe so but their is a time and place for everthing and whether I am at Cracker Barral or Ruth Chris the children should be able to conduct themselves with some degree of civility. If they act up take a walk with them to calm them or if need be take stronger measures in the restroom/lobby. I don't condone a public smack down but sometimes a direct message (whatever method you choose) gets the point across.

For the post my own kids are now 21 & 23 and I can't say we always did everything right but we tried. They have turned out to be decent people which i'm proud of. I have explained that if you choose to have a family be prepared to give up life as you know it for the next 20 years. Maybe more people need to realize that and will better prepared for the challenges of raising a family.

By the way does any one have a copy of the owners manual for children? We never got one and I am still looking...
 
Old 05-27-2010, 05:31 PM
 
939 posts, read 1,288,820 times
Reputation: 505
Quote:
Originally Posted by VA Yankee View Post

By the way does any one have a copy of the owners manual for children? We never got one and I am still looking...
i'm just trying to find the receipt so i can return them




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