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My mother has pretty much nothing to do with my children other than the holidays, but she is constantly involved in my two sisters kids lives. The only difference is I'm no longer married to the mother. I kind of feel this may be a part of it, but how can I get her more involved in my children?
My brother went through a similar issue from the opposite perspective. He had sole custody, but was desperately trying to keep his exwifes parents involved in his sons life for his sake. It was very difficult and they really ended up being reduced to grandparents in name only.
If you don't have custody and just visitation, she may feel that she has no right to try and be involved in their lives beyond the time that you have with them. If it is more of an open situation, than it may just be that she isn't comfortable around your ex.
I would have a frank discussion with her about it. I wouldn't mention the sisters kids and how involved she is, but more or less focus on how much your kids miss her and you would like her to be a larger part of their life. At the very least you may discover her reasons for being distant and can work to resolve them.
You hit the nail on the head
I don't have custody, I live about 1000 miles away (long, long story)
but I would like her to be there for them when I can't
I know she doesn't feel comfortable around my ex, but it's not like she would be spending time with her. My ex even agreed that she would let them stay for a weekend or two if she would just take them in.
I guess I just need to talk with her about it.
It sounds like a tough situation and I don't envy you. Talk with your mom and see what she can work out. Additionally even though you live a long way away, I can assume based on your comments that you still have parental rights. I have heard of similar cases where grandparents were granted legal visitation rights, maybe that is an avenue to explore.
I honestly think your mom just feels like she is powerless in the situation and doesn't know what to do. If you and your ex are the least bit amicable she may appreciate having another trusted source for babysitting.
Clear the air with your mom. She probably doesn't want to step on toes. Sometimes people hang back because they don't want to cause any problems. Good luck!
Give your mom a call and talk with her about it. Chances are she is just staying out of the picture in order not to cause any additional confusion. It probably bothers her not seeing your kids. Then call your ex. If everyone can agree on a good visitation schedule, the kids will be better off with another strong family relationship in their lives.
I don`t know all of your situation but could be that she is playing favorites? This is pretty common and if it`s the case, there is not much you can do. You not having the mother around doesn`t have anything to do with her being a grandma to your kids.
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