Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Man, this story is so long that I don't even know where to begin. I'm probably just looking for people to talk to about it, I don't know. Anyway, here goes.
I have 2 daughters. One is 16 and the other is 10. My oldest daughter recently made an attempt to run away from home. This is not her first attempt. This is just the one that could have gotten her killed. She stole my 50cc Scooter with a top speed of 35 - 40 mph and tried to ride it to a boy's house that she met on the Internet in California. We live in Colorado.
Thankfully, the police pulled her over in the next city over when she attempted to get on the highway with the scooter. Anyway, what started out to be a routine traffic stop ended up getting Child Protective Services involved. Now, both children have been removed from our home. When our 16 year old got pulled over, she made up a false identity and told the police that I (the father) was dead and her mother (my wife) was out of the picture and did not know where she was at. She also told them that her grandmother who lives in Ohio sent her to California on this scooter and she has been riding for 2 weeks trying to get to California. Yeah, If I was the Police Officer, I would be calling Child Protective Services too. So don't think I'm trying to minimize the situation. Actually, I am kind of relieved that they are involved. However, I think removing my 10 year old daughter was a little extreme.
Sooo, now, we can't see either one of them unless it's a supervised visitation. The oldest one refuses to talk to us at all. The 10 year old, we've only gotten to see once since this all went down about a month ago. She is doing fine and taking it all very well from what I gathered from our 1 hour visit with her. Thank God! Because if she was crying and screaming wanting to come home I'm not sure if I could have handled that in a civilized manner.
Okay, back to the 16 year old. we've been having problems with her since she turned 13. She has attempted to run away a total of 3 times. It's always to a boy. She seems to be fascinated with the new fad "Emo" lifestyle. For those of you that don't know what Emo is, in a nuttshell, these are kids that are perfectly content being, or appearing to be miserable all of the time. The more screwed up their life appears to be, the more attention they get and the more popular they become in their group of friends. My 16 year old is always bringing somebody home that has some disfunctional family story to tell. Some of the stories are so petty that it will make your head hurt. I once overheard one of my daughter's girlfriends say how much she hated her parents because they bought her the wrong color iPod. If you could of only heard the way she said it and the sound of the girl's voice, you would know that she meant it. How do you compete with that as a Parent? No matter what you do, or buy for your child, they are going to hate you for it!?!?!
Oh yeah, don't get me started on the suicide fascination these children have. My daughter has gotten caught up in that too. We've had calls from the school about suicide notes and visits to our home by the Police from someone calling saying that my daughter has threatened suicide.
My wife and I both always thought that our Daughter was being picked on and faught to prove that the notes were forgeries and the phone calls were prank calls attempting to get our daughter in some sort of trouble. Hello! We should have seen the signs and quit lying to ourselves and saught out some kind of counselling. Now look where it has gotten us.
Anyway, I'm just looking for people to talk to. The situation my wife and I are in and the people we're talking to, well, we're obviosly the problem and the cause of it all.
Do what you have to to get the 10 year old back. And the next time the 16 yr old pulls this crap about suicide, have her committed. I wouldn't bring her back home because I sure as hell wouldn't risk losing the 10 year old.
Can you get family counseling? Maybe agreeing to that would help get the 10yo back....The behavior of the 16 yo sounds extreme -I'd definitely want to know what was going on that has resulted in this behavior....16 is still young though - I would do what I could to resolve the situation with her too....
The "possibillity" of domestic violence in the home. There is none. However, my wife and I had an argument back in July about a $500 cellphone bill that my 16 year old ran up calling some boy she met on the Internet in Canada. The cops were called about the argument.
When the case worker inteviewed my 10 year old, it was mentioned and they used it as a reason to remove her too. Colorado is a manditory arrest State if there is a domestic violence call. There was an argument, but no violence ever took place. So no one was arrested. The argument happened in July. I have no idea why they would use it against us when my daughter decides to run away in September? But they did.
Do what you have to to get the 10 year old back. And the next time the 16 yr old pulls this crap about suicide, have her committed. I wouldn't bring her back home because I sure as hell wouldn't risk losing the 10 year old.
I'd see a lawyer for advice.
Yeah, I spoke to an Attorney way before this recent run away ever happened. I was considering having her emancipated. She could live with us as long as she wanted, but if she ever tried to run away. It wouldn't drag the family down with her like it has done now. The Attorney said that it would be a long drawn out process and child neglect charges could follow, blah, blah, blah... Well, look, that has happened anyway.
Can you get family counseling? Maybe agreeing to that would help get the 10yo back....The behavior of the 16 yo sounds extreme -I'd definitely want to know what was going on that has resulted in this behavior....16 is still young though - I would do what I could to resolve the situation with her too....
Yeah, we've agreed to whatever counseling the court has ordered. Haven't been through it yet. It was just ordered a week ago. From what we've been told, our 16 year old has stated that she would rather live in Foster care than to ever return home. Since they don't know exactly why she feels that way, it's not making it any easier on us getting the 10 year old back. Our 16 year old is soooo self centered that she probably doesn't even realize what she is doing to her little sister. I'm not even sure if it has crossed her mind.
If your 16 year old gives foster care parents the problem she gave you,
they'll put her in a psych unit, it wont be tolerated, worse a detention center.
I don't think it abnormal for the younger to be removed as well,
pretty much standard procedure.
I think 16 is the magic number for being a pain in the behind. At 12 my oldest was the sweetest child you would ever wanna meet. At 14 she was becoming less so, but still was all good. Then my 16 year old and her father (my ex) decided she needed to come live with him. She started being much more aggressive than normal, about November of last year. In March I had finally had enough. She informed me THIS time when we argued she "was gonna hurt me". Now see... I have issues with that. I might be old and fat but no one is going to hurt me in my own home, especially not my 16 yr old. I told my 12 year old to call the cops and she waited outside the front door for them to arrive. When the officer got there I had her in a headlock on the floor. Of course when she realized I was REALLY calling the police she stopped quite a bit of the whole thing. Well...there are limits. If he wants her so dang bad he can have her. The whole point was he didn't think he would have to pay child support if I had one daughter and he had the other. THAT was his first mistake. His second mistake was underestimating how much of a pain in the behind his daughter is.
Now he STILL has to pay 300 a month, he has her and ALL his other children with his girlfriend. GF has 2 teenager boys (16 and 11) and they have a 4, 1, and newborn together. Yes... 2 of them that are 16. I am SO GLAD I don't live there. Now I have a peaceful home with my 12 year old.
I said all that to say this, I am sorry you are having such a hard time with your 16 year old. Eventually they grow up and out of this stage...so I hear. I can't wait to have my sweet baby back.
Why are you seeking advice and counsel from a message board instead of a family counseling srevice? If your children have been removed by CPS they no doubt have services available for you and will let you know what you need to do in order to restore your family. The problems you are having are years in the making (even before your DD turned 13) and you won't solve them here. Get some professional help for your family.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
