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Old 02-06-2018, 09:47 PM
 
3 posts, read 890 times
Reputation: 10

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Quote:
Originally Posted by jasper12 View Post
Call me mean, but any property in my house is mine. That means, if I find weed in your room, it is mine. You are looking at porn on the laptop your Dad gave you in your room, in my house? That computer is mine too. Thanks, I wanted a new laptop.

Guess what? Due to my "Draconian" parenting skills, I have four adult children, who do not live with me. I call that successful parenting.


Mabye your kids don't live with you because they can't tolerate you.
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Old 02-06-2018, 09:52 PM
 
3 posts, read 890 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel View Post
Your friend needs to set up an appointment with her local CPS office and have a discussion with them, in order to find out what she can and should do. They will likely be most happy to give her all of the advice she needs. It is most likely that they will inform her that she is only required to provide that boy with food, a place to sleep, plumbing, clothing and an education. They will likely also inform her that she needs to be reporting any property damage, emotional and physical abuse to the proper authorities.

If his father has issues with keeping the gifts he purchased for his son at his house, perhaps he'll open the doors for him and take his turn at raising an out of control teenage son. Absentee parents have all the answers until they get the "problem" dropped into their lap. It's easy to blame the parent the child is living with until you take over the parenting and realize that it's actually the CHILD who is the problem.

I had an out of control teen. CPS informed me that the only thing I had to provide him was food, clothing, shelter and toileting/showering access, AND ensure he made it to school. They said that anything I had purchased for him, I had the right to take back. Anything he was using....like a stereo, television, radio, computer....was not required by law and could be prohibited. I had the right to prohibit ANYTHING in my house that was not on that small list above. If he had music that we didn't approve of, we had the right to lock it away until he turned 18 AND prohibit him from listening to it in our house. Kids don't have as many "rights" as people think they do.

In response to a personal comment...at least in our state, if THEY bought it..if THEY own it, you still have the right, in your home, to prohibit it. If that means locking it in a safe until they are 18, you have the right to do so. If it is illegal, you have the right to contact the police and report them. Some kids can get pretty out of hand. I have a dear friend, who has tried everything with her teenage daughter. The 14 yr old is now on her 5th stay in Juvenile detention...24 days this time. Some kids do not learn.
Its disgusting of you to think that children are problems if you are a parent you shouldn't be
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Old 02-08-2018, 11:12 PM
 
Location: Naples Island
817 posts, read 485,866 times
Reputation: 1656
In the old days, parents would rip the item out of your hands and either throw it away, hide it or destroy it until you changed your behavior.
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Old 02-09-2018, 05:01 PM
 
6,640 posts, read 2,585,809 times
Reputation: 18134
If her goal is to make him more cooperative and better behaved, throwing away all the stuff he cares about is going to have the opposite affect.

He's 16. His behavior is a bit off the rails. Likely due to a messy divorce and difficult home dynamics, but maybe not. Maybe it was genetic.

Seeking revenge by going in and throwing away all his stuff is as juvenile, in my opinion, as a lover who throws their partner's clothes out on the front yard.
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Old 10-10-2018, 01:28 PM
 
1 posts, read 186 times
Reputation: 10
i bought my phone myself and pay my bills and my mom took my phone, is it legal for her to take it? and do i have the right to take it back without her saying i can have it?
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Old 10-16-2018, 06:38 PM
 
12,399 posts, read 9,178,986 times
Reputation: 8854
Quote:
Originally Posted by Child2018 View Post
i bought my phone myself and pay my bills and my mom took my phone, is it legal for her to take it? and do i have the right to take it back without her saying i can have it?
I may be the first to say this, but this may actually be a gray area in the law, though it depends on the state. In Virginia, for example, there is no statutory definition of "larceny", and thus it has to be set by common law precedent. In most states, there is a legal distinction between ownership and possession, with some states defining theft as a crime of taking something from another's "lawful possession" without their consent. If this is the case in your state, you are technically not allowed to take it back according to my non-expert reading of the law (since it is lawful for a minor's guardian to control their property). But in many other states, if you have ownership of the item, this provides a legal defense against any such charges, and in effect you have a legal right to take it back without asking permission.

In reality, it is very unlikely a prosecutor will take on this type of case either way, since it is basically your word versus your mom's word. The Supreme Court has ruled that minors do have most of the same rights as adults when facing criminal charges, with the major exception that juveniles don't have the right to a jury trial. This means that you cannot be convicted without proof beyond a reasonable doubt, and you have the right to a lawyer to help you defend your case. The state knows this well, and probably won't come after either you or your mom for a case that can't be proven.

I am of course assuming that you and your mom are both mentally stable. If either of you has psychiatric or mental health issues, a history of abuse or violence, or alcohol problems, then there's a risk that your dispute could turn physical. I would recommend seeing a therapist in this case, for the good of everyone in the house.
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Old 10-16-2018, 06:48 PM
 
6,640 posts, read 2,585,809 times
Reputation: 18134
Quote:
Originally Posted by Child2018 View Post
i bought my phone myself and pay my bills and my mom took my phone, is it legal for her to take it? and do i have the right to take it back without her saying i can have it?
Yes. If you are a minor, it's even legal for her to take your paycheck you get from work and use it as she sees fit.

Sad.
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Old 10-16-2018, 07:51 PM
 
Location: Upstate NY
30,270 posts, read 9,048,654 times
Reputation: 28786
Quote:
Originally Posted by hml1976 View Post
She has the right to remove property from her home. It is my belief that the husband would have to set up a UGMA trust in order for any of the property to qualify and then not until the state's age of turnover, usually 21. It would also require the minor to sign a tax return from the age of 14. And its my understanding that securities only apply, not real estate or "gifts." I could be wrong of course.

Clear his room out and send the gifts back to Dad.

What "real estate" was gifted to this 16-year-old?
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Old Today, 07:42 AM
 
3,900 posts, read 1,573,645 times
Reputation: 12201
Quote:
Originally Posted by thanksforthehelp View Post
A friend has a 16 year old child that is very uncooperative, getting into trouble, threatening her and her daughter and generally destroying their family life and home.

His bedroom is beyond a mess. It's literally difficult to move in the room because there is so much stuff piled everywhere. She has told him that she is going to go in and clean his room and get rid of everything.

He, of course, has stated that she has no right to touch his property. I think he actually has no right to any property in the house and that everything actually belongs to his mother. I believe she has the right to do whatever she pleases with "his" property.

The parents are divorced and the mother has full custody of the children. The father has no custody at all. He has now called and told her that she had better not take away anything from the child that he gave to his son, or he will take her to court. Again, I believe that she has the right to determine what happens to any property in her home. I believe the father has no right to tell her to leave it alone.

Of course, my opinion really means nothing. It comes down to the law. Anyone else here have experience with these issues? I just want to help her find factual information to determine what her rights are in her home. Any resources would be especially appreciated.

Thanks a lot.

First of all, this situation didn't happen overnight. This is the result of parental malpractice, a parent not carefully defining what the ground rules were while the child was growing up. But, to recap:



1) My house, my rules. I can't believe I even have to say this.

2) If you didn't pay for it with your own cash, then that means I paid for it. Therefore, it belongs to me until otherwise stated.

3) Your leisure is a privilege, not a right. You have obligations to yourself and your family that come first. When you have handled your obligations then, just like an adult, you can then enjoy your music, hobbies, whatever, responsibly.



Hey, were we the perfect parents? Nope. But there wasn't any question among our children what the basic principles were for living in our household.

My oldest and youngest knew it. Our middle child was the one who bucked the system. Finally moved out and got his own place at 19. Know what he said after six months? "Wow. It's hard to run a household."
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