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Old 06-05-2010, 07:47 PM
 
Location: Liberal Coast
4,271 posts, read 4,974,208 times
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A few years ago some cops told my mom you can take anything away from your kids. It doesn't matter who paid for it as he is a minor and under the control of the parents.
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Old 06-05-2010, 07:50 PM
 
Location: Southern NC
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Um...I don't care who bought what for my kids, if they screw up, then I'll take their stuff until they can get their act together. Law or no law.
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Old 06-05-2010, 08:05 PM
 
5,945 posts, read 12,698,491 times
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Has anyone asked a lawyer about this? It's an interesting question. I wonder, too, if the laws would vary by state.

We respect certain things in our home as personal property of our children. If something was given specifically to them, it is theirs. If they saved up their own money and bought something, it's theirs. But as their parents, we manage their USE of that property. We view their freedom to use certain things - TV, video games, skateboards, etc. - as a privelege, and we reserve the right to take priveleges away from them if needed when any kind of discilpine or punishment is needed.

So perhaps there's a difference between ownership and use. Maybe it's, YES they may own private property, but also YES the parent has the right to decide how they may use that property until they are a legal adult. ??
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Old 06-05-2010, 08:21 PM
 
43,012 posts, read 88,776,548 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by haggardhouseelf View Post
Has anyone asked a lawyer about this? It's an interesting question. I wonder, too, if the laws would vary by state.

We respect certain things in our home as personal property of our children. If something was given specifically to them, it is theirs. If they saved up their own money and bought something, it's theirs. But as their parents, we manage their USE of that property. We view their freedom to use certain things - TV, video games, skateboards, etc. - as a privelege, and we reserve the right to take priveleges away from them if needed when any kind of discilpine or punishment is needed.

So perhaps there's a difference between ownership and use. Maybe it's, YES they may own private property, but also YES the parent has the right to decide how they may use that property until they are a legal adult. ??
I think that's the key. Parents can't get rid of property, but they can prevent the property from being used temporarily.
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Old 06-06-2010, 01:05 PM
 
47,576 posts, read 58,603,331 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
I hate to break it to you, but minors can own property. Look up the Uniform Transfers to Minors Act.

The act protects gifts given to minors. While it's generally money or investments, the law could be applied to any gifts.

Your wife might take them from your son, but she would have to preserve the property to give back to the son. If she doesn't, the ex could take her to court.

Even if the ex doesn't win in court, you and your wife would have hefty legal fees fighting it.

I personally would NOT take property given by another parent. I morally could not do that.
What if the other parent gave your child a gun? Even a BB gun that he showed no responsibility to use correctly?
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Old 06-06-2010, 01:09 PM
 
47,576 posts, read 58,603,331 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thanksforthehelp View Post
A friend has a 16 year old child that is very uncooperative, getting into trouble, threatening her and her daughter and generally destroying their family life and home.

His bedroom is beyond a mess. It's literally difficult to move in the room because there is so much stuff piled everywhere. She has told him that she is going to go in and clean his room and get rid of everything.

He, of course, has stated that she has no right to touch his property. I think he actually has no right to any property in the house and that everything actually belongs to his mother. I believe she has the right to do whatever she pleases with "his" property.

The parents are divorced and the mother has full custody of the children. The father has no custody at all. He has now called and told her that she had better not take away anything from the child that he gave to his son, or he will take her to court. Again, I believe that she has the right to determine what happens to any property in her home. I believe the father has no right to tell her to leave it alone.

Of course, my opinion really means nothing. It comes down to the law. Anyone else here have experience with these issues? I just want to help her find factual information to determine what her rights are in her home. Any resources would be especially appreciated.

Thanks a lot.
The boy has nothing to say about what's in his mother's house and when he gets his own house, pays his own rent or mortgage, then he has rights. No adult has to put up with anyone telling him or her what can be in the adult's house.

The father has no right whatsoever telling his ex-wife what she can or cannot have in her own house. The real problem in this case is the father trying to get at his ex-wife and wield control over her using the child.
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Old 06-06-2010, 01:33 PM
 
Location: southwest TN
8,170 posts, read 14,214,391 times
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The mother is required to provide a place to sleep and bathe, basic clothing and food. She is not required to provide maid service nor tv, phone, computer, etc. If the room is a pigsty, a parent is allowed to "take it down" to what is required.

As a general rule, I would not destroy/throw away gifts from the other parent. I would, however, ban them from my home. Everything else beyond the necessary goes into what a prior poster said is a "buy back box". Literally a box which contains items to be bought back with good behavior. That is determined by the custodial parent. The items may be returned one a time, in groups, or a whole box - as determined by the custodial parent.

I have a whole long post on this topic in another thread in which I also describe behavior modification techniques to change the behavior of a teen.

In this particular case, I would include in behaviors to change how this teen treats his sister which is creating such chaos in the family.
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Old 06-06-2010, 01:40 PM
 
1,476 posts, read 1,682,505 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
What if the other parent gave your child a gun? Even a BB gun that he showed no responsibility to use correctly?

Good Question/point! Wouldn't be in my home. I guess ship it back. Everything.
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Old 06-06-2010, 02:43 PM
 
47,576 posts, read 58,603,331 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thanksforthehelp View Post
Thanks for your reply. Especially for the direct reference. That will help a lot.

I get your point about morally not doing it. She doesn't want to do it, but the kid is out of control and has nowhere to turn. The father is contributing to the harm he is doing.

She's just my friend, not my wife.
I think the father is the issue. Down to the bullying of her daughter - which I assume isn't the father's daughter? The child - the son that is - is the proxy. The father is taking out his hostility by using his son to get at the ex-wife, instead of co-parenting, they are anti-parenting.

How she approaches it should consider the father's role when he tells her that she is not to touch anything of the son's. Whatever she does - she needs to keep in mind the father is trying to drive a wedge and may be trying to create problems for her, maybe is trying to win the son's affections by making her the bad parent.

If the father is at all reasonable and she can discuss how the son should be brought up, she could try talking with him, tell him he's only hurting the son by creating friction or undermining her authority as a parent.

She probably has to be the mature one in this or whatever she tries to do could backfire, but she has to know that her problems with her son most likely originate from the other parent.
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Old 06-06-2010, 05:57 PM
 
Location: Maryland
2,653 posts, read 4,092,624 times
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I'm happy I don't have any child. Parenthood is sooo difficult.

My two cents: This freakin kid is acting out, because his father is allowing it. The father is supporting his son's behavior. Maybe you should take his crap and lock in the trunk of your car. If, you can take away his stuff...then what. How about you send him to his father. Children like discipline and guidance. He'll get tired of his father's bullshirt fast.

It has to be a reason why dad doesn't have some sort of custody.

My cousin's son was unruly at a time. He said I want to live with dad. Mom said, okay. He ran back home. He realized it was a reason why mom left dad.

Good luck!
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