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Old 01-17-2012, 11:25 AM
 
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Sounds like the parents are the problem.
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Old 01-17-2012, 12:13 PM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 9,633,080 times
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Well of course they are. Far be it that a teenager should be held accountable for their own behavior. Blame the parents, that way the kids can grow up and blame everyone else. Remarks like this are ridiculous. A child knows the difference between right and wrong, from a very young age. The difference is....what THEY choose to do and how THEY choose to behave.
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Old 01-17-2012, 12:18 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,907 posts, read 34,896,860 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel View Post
Well of course they are. Far be it that a teenager should be held accountable for their own behavior. Blame the parents, that way the kids can grow up and blame everyone else. Remarks like this are ridiculous. A child knows the difference between right and wrong, from a very young age. The difference is....what THEY choose to do and how THEY choose to behave.
Suggesting that the parents created the mess--the bigger mess, with Mom and Dad arguing and threatening and undermining one another--doesn't mean that the kid is not accountable for his actions. It just means that trouble didn't start itself.
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Old 01-17-2012, 01:36 PM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 9,633,080 times
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Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
Suggesting that the parents created the mess--the bigger mess, with Mom and Dad arguing and threatening and undermining one another--doesn't mean that the kid is not accountable for his actions. It just means that trouble didn't start itself.
Or it means that once the trouble started, it became a new avenue of making each other's lives miserable. It's amazing how couples, once they split, will use their own children to make each other miserable.

So what's the story OP? Husband left wife? Wife left husband? Teenage son is ticked off at mom, blaming her for the split? Sadly, even in situations where a father is a POS, a teenager will blame his mother for the split. "If she would have been a better wife, he wouldn't have cheated." "If she wouldn't have nagged at him for being unemployed/drinking, he wouldn't have left/started doing drugs and left, etc." What it does end up being is a disgusting fiasco, with out of control kids. Why? Because the parents are busy playing the blame game. Which came first...the chicken or the egg?
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Old 01-17-2012, 01:41 PM
 
2,221 posts, read 9,119,198 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel View Post
Well of course they are. Far be it that a teenager should be held accountable for their own behavior. Blame the parents, that way the kids can grow up and blame everyone else. Remarks like this are ridiculous. A child knows the difference between right and wrong, from a very young age. The difference is....what THEY choose to do and how THEY choose to behave.
I never stated that a teenager should not be held accountable for their own behavior.

My point is that the parents are not on the same page in regards to raising this young man. Sounds like a lot of stress in the home and he is partially reacting to the circumstances around him.

Obviously teenagers and adults do not always think alike. One reason can be that a teenagers brain is not always fully developed in certain areas, sometimes not until their mid-20's. Some teenagers do not recognize what circumstances there may be with some of their actions. Many a battle of wills has ensued between parent and child. But some kids just do not get it due to the lack of a fully developed brain. Many wrong decisions are made by teenagers due to this.

Even divorced parents need to show a united front. Understanding that your teenager may not have all the skills developed for reasoning may change the way you parent. 16 is still a child. They make choices, sometimes the wrong ones, that's why they need parenting.

And sometimes parents don't want to admit a lack of parenting skills. They can chose to learn or change their skills, or continue with what they are doing and have nothing change.

Everyone is accountable. No blame.
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Old 01-17-2012, 02:58 PM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 9,633,080 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Beth56 View Post
I never stated that a teenager should not be held accountable for their own behavior.

My point is that the parents are not on the same page in regards to raising this young man. Sounds like a lot of stress in the home and he is partially reacting to the circumstances around him.

Obviously teenagers and adults do not always think alike. One reason can be that a teenagers brain is not always fully developed in certain areas, sometimes not until their mid-20's. Some teenagers do not recognize what circumstances there may be with some of their actions. Many a battle of wills has ensued between parent and child. But some kids just do not get it due to the lack of a fully developed brain. Many wrong decisions are made by teenagers due to this.

Even divorced parents need to show a united front. Understanding that your teenager may not have all the skills developed for reasoning may change the way you parent. 16 is still a child. They make choices, sometimes the wrong ones, that's why they need parenting.

And sometimes parents don't want to admit a lack of parenting skills. They can chose to learn or change their skills, or continue with what they are doing and have nothing change.

Everyone is accountable. No blame.
Sadly, in situations like this, there has a tendency to be a scarcity of accountability and an abundance of blame. Funny how the father, even though he's not living in the household, is threatening the wife. I wonder if it's a "still threatening" situation? Yep, if I was that mother, I'd damn sure be packing all of the things his father bought for him and sending it to his house, if he continued his crap. Seems to me like there's a ganging up on the girls thing going on here. Yeah, dear son and dear hubby would either become roomies, or hubby would back the h*ll off and start providing that united front.
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Old 01-18-2012, 05:33 AM
 
Location: TX
6,009 posts, read 4,933,947 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Beth56 View Post
Sounds like the parents are the problem.
Well...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Beth56 View Post
Everyone is accountable. No blame.
I agree with this!

This thread is one more reason I'll be giving my son an allowance that can be reduced or withheld based on his behavior. No matter how crazy the laws get, I feel confident that this method won't be touched until atleast 2030.
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Old 01-20-2012, 02:40 PM
 
9,721 posts, read 5,676,440 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vic 2.0 View Post
Well...



I agree with this!

This thread is one more reason I'll be giving my son an allowance that can be reduced or withheld based on his behavior. No matter how crazy the laws get, I feel confident that this method won't be touched until atleast 2030.
That's an old and effective method. Taking away their money or posessions permanently, not so much. It's teaching them that stealing is acceptable.
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Old 01-20-2012, 05:53 PM
 
Location: TX
6,009 posts, read 4,933,947 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane View Post
That's an old and effective method. Taking away their money or posessions permanently, not so much. It's teaching them that stealing is acceptable.
Never thought about it that way. And even if that's an exaggeration, I'd say withholding their allowance is at least more relevant to the real world. You can't make them pay "a ticket", but you can help yourself to some of their earnings before it even gets to them. If they question it, you can take the time to introduce the concept of docking.
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Old 01-21-2012, 01:00 AM
 
1,846 posts, read 2,634,471 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
I hate to break it to you, but minors can own property. Look up the Uniform Transfers to Minors Act.

The act protects gifts given to minors. While it's generally money or investments, the law could be applied to any gifts.

Your wife might take them from your son, but she would have to preserve the property to give back to the son. If she doesn't, the ex could take her to court.

Even if the ex doesn't win in court, you and your wife would have hefty legal fees fighting it.

I personally would NOT take property given by another parent. I morally could not do that.
IMHO...If the parent in question is negating the other parents attempt to discipline and teach a child manners or a natural consequence? Here is a good idea...keep the toys and gadgets with you...

Quote:
Originally Posted by thanksforthehelp View Post
Thanks for your reply. Especially for the direct reference. That will help a lot.

I get your point about morally not doing it. She doesn't want to do it, but the kid is out of control and has nowhere to turn. The father is contributing to the harm he is doing.

She's just my friend, not my wife.
The issue goes beyond property you are aware of this right?
This child seems out of control..
I may seem alot harsher than other posters but I believe until a child is over 18 they have no distinct rights ...this pertains to self destructive and baiting behaviors to get a reaction...

A child must earn rights and trust...if they are not capable of listening to the rules of the home within reason and no abuse being prevalent? The most MFT''S AS WELL AS Mental health specialists will tell the parent to use leverage...
Meaning if the child is out of control? Take the things that are considered extras..Tv's, ipods, cell phones, xbox, ps3's..and so forth..
Yes the laws are in place however they will not be enforced by CWS or CPS...
This is simply not reportable...any reputable judge will throw this out in court...!!!
tough love!!!!
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