Disrespectful 14 year old

[txtqueen]

I agree.
Let him stay with his father for awhile and don't go pick him up or have anything to do with him.
If he wants to grow up to be an ******* like his dad then he can live with the ******* fulltime.

At least you have your other son that while flawed is still a good loving and caring son.

[hothulamaui]

both girls and boys that age can be brutal. try not to take it personal. I doubt any amount of "taking things away" from him would instill any respect all that does is make them more angry. like others have said let him stay with dad and don't contact him for a time. I would check in with him on the phone every now and again so he doesn't turn things around and accuse you of not caring. he will come around when he matures. pick your battles.

[beka40]

Thank you for everyone's insight and responses - I do need a break from him - and no I try not to talk badly about his father - unfortunately he talks badly about me and my oldest son is closer to me as he doesn't like what his dad says - but my youngest believes it all and is most influenced...

[PassTheChocolate]

Originally Posted by Hopes

This part of your post speaks volumes.

If I were you, I would back off visitation. Let him come back to you when he's ready. Your involvement is providing a mutual enemy for them.

Allow them to live together for a while---without interaction from you. Then see how much the son and father get along.

As long as you stay actively in the middle, they will fuel their hateful personalities towards you, not each other.

In the meantime, take the time to overcome your negative feelings about your son so you have a chance at forming a meaningful relationship with him when he's older.

I agree with this. I'd like to add that time is not all that it will take to overcome negative feelings. The boy needs to respect his mother. He needs to apologize and atone for his behavior, and MEAN it. I would not allow him to contact me until he does so. If he wants to be nasty and rude, he can do it at his father's house and stay there. I know how hard this would be, but if you can't make people respect you - remove the lack of respect from your personal space. No one will take you seriously if you don't. And if your kids won't, why would anyone else?

I would have to decontaminate my son every time he came back from seeing his father. But he knew, 150%, that I would not tolerate being disrespected and that his father's behavior was not acceptable in my home.

[aidxen]

Originally Posted by Hopes

This part of your post speaks volumes.

If I were you, I would back off visitation. Let him come back to you when he's ready. Your involvement is providing a mutual enemy for them.

Allow them to live together for a while---without interaction from you. Then see how much the son and father get along.

As long as you stay actively in the middle, they will fuel their hateful personalities towards you, not each other.

In the meantime, take the time to overcome your negative feelings about your son so you have a chance at forming a meaningful relationship with him when he's older.

This sounds like great advice to me.

I think you should try to mend the relationship with the father. It sounds like you two dispise each other. Maybe you could sit down and agree to treat each other the way you would treat each other in a work or professional environment. You don't have to love or even like each other but you do have to be polite and respectful of each other.

This would be a great gift to both your sons and I bet it would result in an improvement in both kids behaviour.