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Old 06-21-2007, 08:04 AM
 
Location: Austin TX
959 posts, read 4,100,134 times
Reputation: 464

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That may be true for some kids. Looking back on my own life, what most jumps out at me was my parents' support and encouragement of my natural desire to learn. Which is why I really enjoyed reading the quotes of Mark Twain et al. My mom was always reading Reader's Digest and doing the vocabulary tests. Both of my parents often watched educational shows, and had lots of interesting non fiction books around. We were always buying book and going to the library. They always told me I could do anything I wanted and some of my favorite quotes today are from my mom:
"Just do it" (pre Nike ads)
"If you don't ask you don't get"
"Do it well or don't do it at all"

Lots of people stop actively learning when they graduate from high school or college. For those whose natural curiosity was nurtured and encouraged, learning is something that doesn't have an end


Quote:
Originally Posted by linkbr View Post
I haven't read what everyone else wrote but going to a competitive school does establish a mind set early on that mediocrity doesn't cut it, in school or in real life if you really want to accomplish anything. If you go to a school that has a lot of problems, kids will think that "it's ok" to be that way and the world is like that. It's when they get into the real world when they realize their dream jobs required much more work than they realized and that competition is everywhere. But if you're surrounded by a bunch of over achievers to begin with, then you have a tendency to try harder yourself, just to keep up! Having gone to somewhat of a top school, I can see the impact it has had on me and my classmates, versus someone who went to a less competitive school. I know my observations are just a generalization and don't necessarily apply to everyone at every school good or bad. In the end it comes down to the individuals and the influences surrounding them.
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Old 06-21-2007, 09:12 AM
 
Location: Illinois
250 posts, read 855,284 times
Reputation: 163
Good question, I just don't know either! For example I went to a great school system and did only so-so. My husband went to a private school and did terrible. I think it depends on the child and how motivated they are!
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Old 06-21-2007, 10:09 AM
 
Location: TAMPA
45 posts, read 187,231 times
Reputation: 38
I Agree Parent Involvement Is Important , But If You Are A Working
Mom Of 3 Kids How Involve Can You Become. My Daughter Goes To
One Of The Best Public Schools In Tampa And She Still Struggles.
It Depends On The Child Every Kid Learn At A Different Pace
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Old 06-21-2007, 10:14 AM
 
7,788 posts, read 10,443,690 times
Reputation: 3392
Heathercp:

Honest to god, as I read what you wrote, I found myself sitting here smiling, thinking: "Just wait until it comes time to apply to colleges!"

Personally, I am a parent who wanted the "best" school for my son as much as everyone else does! I attended great schools, college, post graduate, etc., etc., My husband also attended good schools. Is education important? You bet, HOWEVER....

Part of what I regarded as my son's education entailed his being as well adjusted and content in his own self/skin as humanly possible. While I wanted him to get a good education, I also wanted him to come through it with his emotions and faculties in tact!!!! I am literally blown away to think that parents are striving for their kids to be in AP courses in elementary school! Trust me, my son is very bright, and ended up getting numerous scholarship offers to colleges he applied to. But I can't help but feel that part of the reason he has been successful thus far is the fact that he is a well rounded, well adjusted kid who is smart and who had parents who held him accountable while in school. We were involved, but not frantic in terms of insisting that he take only honors or AP courses....

I have friends who kids are in high school now, where the parents are endorsing/pushing their sons and daughters to take high level courses in the hopes that they will get into "really good colleges." --REALLY good colleges. The pressure is ridiculous. These kids are practically killing themselves to compete, are sleep deprived, overly stressed, and have a whole host of somatic complaints! The kids as well as the parents seem to feel that they can "calculate" their child's GPA and class standing based on taking these courses, and that somehow that will bring about the desired outcome!

--But I just wonder: at what cost/expense? My son is not at Harvard, but he is at a good college and thriving. He knows what the boundaries are and is self disciplined as well as motivated. He maintains excellent grades, along with handling the pressures and stress. When we dropped him off at school, he literally turned to my husband and I and said: "Okay. Thanks! I'll call ya..." and all was well....

Who am I to say what a "good/best" school is....My goodness, there are just so many variables from public vs. private, what town you live in, who the teachers are, who your child hangs out with, what are his/her god given talents, how involved you and your husband are, on and on and on.......

Just encourage them, support them, discipline and validate them. Make sure that they are enjoying themselves along the way, in the present!!!

Perhaps that is just one, small "index" in terms of predicting future success...

Take gentle care,
June
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Old 06-21-2007, 12:15 PM
 
Location: Downtown Raleigh
1,619 posts, read 2,898,800 times
Reputation: 2032
Quote:
Originally Posted by Indigoblue View Post
No matter what the circumstances you don't speak to a child in that language. And I have a lot of empathy for anyone who forgets anything. You have ZERO control over forgetting. Oh, I think I'll forget to take my lunch to school today I have ADHD and know first hand how frustrating it is to forget something without meaning to. My closest friends are those who can overlook my annoying traits And it's at minimum what I expect (and fortunately receive) from my own parents!
I didn't know that you literally meant that she said those words. No, that is not ever appropriate.

I disagree that you have no control over forgetting. I was once a person who forgot and left things all the time. It is difficult to overcome, but it can be done.

When people are nail biters, they can put that hot substance on their nails. It conditions them to expect a negative response when they put their fingers in their mouths. Lots of bad habits can be broken that same way. And if you have to suffer the consequences of forgetting or losing things, you will develop new ways of behaving that help you forget less and less. I had to create new habits that help me remember and organize better.

Of course we can disagree on this, but I think it is a parent's responsibility to help their children overcome their weaknesses in any way they can while they are still children. The consequences are much worse when they are adults, and it's much more difficult to change behaviors at that stage.

Yes, I do accept annoying behaviors in my children. But most people won't accept or accommodate them. So I think it's better to help them overcome them now. And forgetting and losing things are not as much annoying to others as they are damaging to self.
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Old 06-21-2007, 01:19 PM
 
1,341 posts, read 4,310,307 times
Reputation: 575
Tons of posts and not to repeat anyone of them as our own individual preferences and experiences are unique.

I sometimes think that going to great school is more than just test scores....I think parents look at demographics, ethnicity, race, socio-economic factors, location of the school and crime rate.(there may be more, this is on the top of my head) before making a school choice.

I dont think its just test scores alone that make that choice. I know, because I look..I am honest and take responsibility for my actions in that. I wouldnt my children to go to a crime ridden school even if was a "gem in the rough". Its not worth it to me. And there are plenty of great schools or schools that have the potential to be great but some of the above factors are taken into consderation by parents.

Truthfully speaking some parents think that the rich public school, with the white collar workers turn out better graduates..and why shouldnt they.

Look it up.. any town..you will find that higher income areas, tend to have higher educated parents, who tend to have more white collar jobs, who have higher expectations of their children..who send the kids to the best schools..so they can have more than what the parents themselves accomplished.

It is just fact, plain and simple. Does that make it right or wrong? Its was your belief status is and what your own personal upbringing is.

IN our and my dh home education was a top priority..it wasnt even a discussionary to NOT go directly to a 4 year university as a MINIMUM. We are both from an Asian country-brought up here (please no wise cracks or bashing).

Our parents were brought up our home country growing up I heard so many times how the american system is so behind as a First world country and the third world countries, children cant wait to get to school and learn..because they are taught so early on on how important it is.

We had a great blend of extra activities..but school always came first. My parents bought homes in the best public schools they could find (I grew up in orange county, ca).

My husband went from K- all the way thru fordham u)...Private schooled prep schooled all his life.

So I guess we are the typical yuppie family. But it was just ingrained in us early on. I have high standards and expectation for all of my girls (I am biased of course because its still a mans world--so I really want them to know that they can do anything).

But along with that comes Mine and Dh's parental responsibility to be involved and active of what exactly is going on in school.

I dont expect the teachers to do anything more than teach and be the occasional ear to listen or fix boo-boos. But they are not the parents..thats is our job..we as parents need to turn off the tv, step up to the plate and even if its only 15 minutes between jobs...say "how was your day...I want to hear all about it--and say it like you mean it"
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Old 06-21-2007, 02:44 PM
 
20,793 posts, read 52,354,094 times
Reputation: 10471
Define "best". It seems like many people here are defining best with the $$ amount attached to the tuition. Just because it is expensive doesn't mean it is good.

We live in a district with 5 different high schools. For the most part all the schools score the same on all the various tests high schoolers take--ACT, SAT, state testing, etc. The difference in the schools comes down to how well the kids fit in. If you have a child that is very status orientated, whats to have the best of the best, then send them to the one high school because they will fit in the best there. If you have a musically talented student that is a down to earth kid that doesn't get into the over the top fashion and is comfortable wearing jeans/t-shirt like the rest of the kids, send them to this other high school. Is one school better then the other, heck no, but a lot of a child's success in school comes from feeling good about where they are and who they are (on top of everything else said about parental involvement).

I can see in many parts of the country where one district could be horrible and the next one over can be completely awful so people want to be careful where they buy a home. We are lucky in MN that for the most part you don't find districts like that. They are all pretty good--some better then others obviously but none awful.
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Old 06-21-2007, 03:07 PM
 
1,341 posts, read 4,310,307 times
Reputation: 575
Quote:
Originally Posted by golfgal View Post
If you have a child that is very status orientated, whats to have the best of the best, then send them to the one high school because they will fit in the best there. If you have a musically talented student that is a down to earth kid that doesn't get into the over the top fashion and is comfortable wearing jeans/t-shirt like the rest of the kids, send them to this other high school.
Great point...comming from CA..I had no idea there were such things as specialized high schools. Apparantly here in NY the Bronx (crappy area) school of science is a high school that is focused obviously on science and is tough to get into. Then you have Julliard(SP?) school of the arts and up near us is the CIA (Culinary institute of America a 4 year university)...where some of the most renound chefs and restauranteers (SP?) have gone too...competition is not only tough..but FIERCE to say the least.

You have to determine as a parent where you see your childs talents lie..and encourage those talents..on the other hand...as a parent there has to be a fine balance in explaining to our children that while Majoring in Phys Ed is great...being a cheerleading coach isnt really going to pay alot of bills.

But combining phys ed say, you can go to sports medicine or phsycial therapy school, which is monetarily rewarding as well.

Point is we have to enable the kids in a positive way...and if that means finding the best school (according to our own standards and such)..then so be it.

Some people think that homeschooling is the way to go, some people think that montesorri education is the way to go.

But at the end of the Day, its the parents responsibility to rear children..NOT the schools
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Old 06-23-2007, 05:03 PM
 
Location: NJ
279 posts, read 1,244,305 times
Reputation: 128
Quote:
Originally Posted by mom2gurls View Post
Tons of posts and not to repeat anyone of them as our own individual preferences and experiences are unique.

I sometimes think that going to great school is more than just test scores....I think parents look at demographics, ethnicity, race, socio-economic factors, location of the school and crime rate.(there may be more, this is on the top of my head) before making a school choice.

I dont think its just test scores alone that make that choice. I know, because I look..I am honest and take responsibility for my actions in that. I wouldnt my children to go to a crime ridden school even if was a "gem in the rough". Its not worth it to me. And there are plenty of great schools or schools that have the potential to be great but some of the above factors are taken into consderation by parents.

Truthfully speaking some parents think that the rich public school, with the white collar workers turn out better graduates..and why shouldnt they.

Look it up.. any town..you will find that higher income areas, tend to have higher educated parents, who tend to have more white collar jobs, who have higher expectations of their children..who send the kids to the best schools..so they can have more than what the parents themselves accomplished.

It is just fact, plain and simple. Does that make it right or wrong? Its was your belief status is and what your own personal upbringing is.

IN our and my dh home education was a top priority..it wasnt even a discussionary to NOT go directly to a 4 year university as a MINIMUM. We are both from an Asian country-brought up here (please no wise cracks or bashing).

Our parents were brought up our home country growing up I heard so many times how the american system is so behind as a First world country and the third world countries, children cant wait to get to school and learn..because they are taught so early on on how important it is.

We had a great blend of extra activities..but school always came first. My parents bought homes in the best public schools they could find (I grew up in orange county, ca).

My husband went from K- all the way thru fordham u)...Private schooled prep schooled all his life.

So I guess we are the typical yuppie family. But it was just ingrained in us early on. I have high standards and expectation for all of my girls (I am biased of course because its still a mans world--so I really want them to know that they can do anything).

But along with that comes Mine and Dh's parental responsibility to be involved and active of what exactly is going on in school.

I dont expect the teachers to do anything more than teach and be the occasional ear to listen or fix boo-boos. But they are not the parents..thats is our job..we as parents need to turn off the tv, step up to the plate and even if its only 15 minutes between jobs...say "how was your day...I want to hear all about it--and say it like you mean it"
I could not have said it better myself. I came from a highly educated family myself and college was never a choice....it was mandatory and expected of us. My parents moved to an area with the best school systems and my parents took an active role in our education, from helping us with our homework to being a part in the college process. But it is also the parent's responsibility to be proactive in their children's education. We should not put the blame on the teachers or the school system for our children not excelling.
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Old 06-24-2007, 02:07 AM
 
1,341 posts, read 4,310,307 times
Reputation: 575
Quote:
Originally Posted by tooshort View Post
I could not have said it better myself. I came from a highly educated family myself and college was never a choice....it was mandatory and expected of us. My parents moved to an area with the best school systems and my parents took an active role in our education, from helping us with our homework to being a part in the college process. But it is also the parent's responsibility to be proactive in their children's education. We should not put the blame on the teachers or the school system for our children not excelling.

Again agreed 100%..and I'll take it a step further, if we do find that our child is below standards..then its our responsibility to address it right away and nip it in the bud. Umm, isnt that what report cards and progress reports are for.

With the age of technology, there is no reason why we cannot be in communicado with the teachers. Teachers give out their emails now so if you have any issues and cannot get to them during regular school hours...you can have a "email" conference if you have to....or even a phone conference.

Once you see that report card come home from 1rst grade or Kindergarten that shows "Average" or below marks (even if you believe that getting a "C") is all they need...I think it should be addressed immed..because we all know that each grade builds on another. I honestly think that good grades, build self confidence..and their is a distinct difference between pounding "A" grades out of your child and stressing them out to expecting them to achieve.

I dont understand(having not been exposed to it)..why some parents say.."AS long as they pass and are happy, thats good enough for me".

Thats really nice and "zen"....but is just passing all your want..or do you want them to start early in life wanting more..I dont think its selfish at all to expect that as parents..in fact, I think the kids will thank us for it later.

Because no-one is going to care that you were "All-State" or "Prom-Queen"--(that is more a popularity thing, and while important during those "funky" years)---it doesnt last.


Graduating from College, landing a great job, building your career---that will last forever---That is why parents look and are obsessed at the best schools, they want the best for their kids early on period.
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