Would you want to know if you had half siblings? (genealogy, records)

nomoresnow · 05-02-2011, 05:40 PM

OMG, this thread brought up so much.

My father had a lot of "fun" in his lifetime. I understand I have an older Japanese half sister. I am the oldest of 3 girls from his marriage to my mother. While mom was pregnant with daughter #3, Dad showed up with his latest girlfriend who was also pregnant and married to someone else. As far as we know, this child was dad's only son. Years later, this man tried picking up this particular sister in a bar (the apple didn't fall far from our family tree, that's for sure) and Sis had to tell him no way - you're my brother. It's been interesting, to say the least. He wants nothing to do with us, which is understandable. Personally, it doesn't really affect me, although I am a bit curious about the older sister.

Dareme...best of luck to you. I hope you find your answers.

debbiewatson · 05-08-2011, 05:00 PM

hi i would defintley mention it, give them the chance to know were they come from, how many birth parents take secrets to the grave, so unfair, take it from me my birth mother took her secrets to the grave, and i hav,t to live with it, not knowing were you come from, is the worst feeling in the world, depending on how close you are with them, i would defintley mention some think, good luck with what ever decision you make

AACOGBURN · 06-13-2011, 03:04 PM

Last week I had a young lady contact me to let me know my mom was her bio grandmother. I called my older sister who then told me she had been contacted ten years earlier. I'm 11 years young then my sister but, we are still very close. My sister never let anyone know that she had found this out. My mother is 75 years old I do not want to upset her. I also have two old brothers one that would not be able to handle this. I feel bad about not wanting to have a relationship with my sister or her family who was adopted. This is just killing me inside. I wish they would have never contacted me. Plesae, help!!!!!!

Roselvr · 06-13-2011, 04:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AACOGBURN

Last week I had a young lady contact me to let me know my mom was her bio grandmother. I called my older sister who then told me she had been contacted ten years earlier. I'm 11 years young then my sister but, we are still very close. My sister never let anyone know that she had found this out. My mother is 75 years old I do not want to upset her. I also have two old brothers one that would not be able to handle this. I feel bad about not wanting to have a relationship with my sister or her family who was adopted. This is just killing me inside. I wish they would have never contacted me. Plesae, help!!!!!!

I guess your mom gave a child up?

soonerguy · 06-13-2011, 05:39 PM

I personally think that once all parties are of legal age, they should at least have the information. Whether they act on it or not is their own choice.

I was an only child growing up and my parents divorced when I was 7 or 8. After the divorce, my dad "sewed his wild oats" and I've been told by several people that I have a half-sister. I know who this person is and I've contemplated getting in touch but have never done so. The girl's mother married and the girl was raised with another man as her "dad". I don't know if she knows or not. My dad has never said a word about it and I know if the truth came out it would create a bad situation with my stepmother, who my dad has been married to for many years. My dad is getting on in years and I've thought about asking him privately about it but have never done so.

Roselvr · 06-14-2011, 02:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by soonerguy

I personally think that once all parties are of legal age, they should at least have the information. Whether they act on it or not is their own choice.

I was an only child growing up and my parents divorced when I was 7 or 8. After the divorce, my dad "sewed his wild oats" and I've been told by several people that I have a half-sister. I know who this person is and I've contemplated getting in touch but have never done so. The girl's mother married and the girl was raised with another man as her "dad". I don't know if she knows or not. My dad has never said a word about it and I know if the truth came out it would create a bad situation with my stepmother, who my dad has been married to for many years. My dad is getting on in years and I've thought about asking him privately about it but have never done so.

Do it before you lose the chance

jasper12 · 06-14-2011, 03:02 PM

Some things are best left unsaid. If he did not bring it up...then perhaps you should not either.

I suppose I am just not really interested in more family, or connections. At age 50, I just don't see myself calling someone out of the blue, and having this relationship...based on DNA. It just seems very strange to me. What is the point?

Houston3 · 06-15-2011, 09:07 AM

Yes they have a right to know......and all of you know it all's that say leave it alone, how do you know that they don't already know and are looking for their siblings themselves???

Duine · 06-17-2011, 08:29 AM

"Old wounds" fester, therefore maybe finding lost family can cure what some of them need. A sense of belonging, family they never had. There's no knowing how others lives were. If some are an only child, the thought of having siblings, cousins, etc., may be something they would cherish. Those who have no wish to find their other family members does not mean they should tell people not to bother. It's a personal choice. Finding lost members could be a blessing at later stage of life. The heart always has love to share and what better way than extending family.
To those who have family already that some do not talk to others, that's the adults who cause the rift between them. My mother didn't like the few members on my dad's side, I wish I could find out family info to see who his parents were and where they came from. He only had 1 sister who died, 2 brothers, 1 died in WW2, the other I have no idea where he is now. My dad died. I loved those who I knew but she caused a void between us. I live alone with no one, I know the lost feeling of not having anyone around. Family is an extension of ourselves no matter what their personalities or life styles are like.

moonlight4620 · 08-21-2011, 10:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lauriedeee

I have a dilemma that I hope you guys will weigh in on. I've known for about 30yrs that my aunt gave up a set of twins, and another child before she married my uncle and had more children.
My aunt and uncle are both deceased now and their kids, the cousins I grew up with are in the late 50s to late 60's.

I've often wondered if the children that were adopted out are looking for information on their birth parents but I"m afraid to actively look for them myself because those adoptions were such a big family secret back then and I don't want to open up any old wounds if there were any. Do you know what i mean?

Her other children from being married to my uncle are still living and I don't know if they know they have half siblings out there. I'm not sure whether to tell them or not.

I guess my question is would you want to know if you had siblings that you didn't know you had?

Opinions please.. and thank you.

I am an adopted child and can tell you that the feelings can vary. For most of us we want to know where we came from. As an adopted child I know we also worry about looking for the families we came from. The question of acceptance or rejection from the family is what causes that fear. I personally think that you should try to find them, if you are able to it would be a great relief for all of you.
Best of luck.