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Old 04-18-2012, 05:49 AM
 
Location: Greater Greenville, SC
5,893 posts, read 11,401,876 times
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I grew up with one half sibling -- a brother five years younger than me. We fought all the time, but it had nothing to do with us being half siblings. As adults, we get along just fine, but we rarely stay in touch, as we live in different states and have little in common.

I have other half siblings that I would love to get to know, but I'm not yet sure if or how that is going to happen.
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Old 04-18-2012, 05:57 AM
 
Location: Nebraska
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Our mother always told us that her first husband kidnapped her first son, and that she was never allowed to see him. He tried to contact her when our great-aunt died, and she said he was a money-grubbing bas****, "just like his father" and would have nothing to do with him.

15 years ago I received a letter from him. He wanted to meet us and see what we were like. I told our mother and she insisted that we should never meet; that part of her life was over, that family was mean and vicious and cruel and all they wanted was money. She refused to meet with him. I sent him a short letter, told him where and who we were, and left it up to him. He and his wife traveled 2000 miles to come to our house to meet my DH and me. Things were very tense - it turned out that we had BOTH been told things all of our lives that were not true. Ex. Our mother had kidnapped him and taken him to another city when he was 6, and then left him alone in a boarding house on weekends so that she could go out and party with men. His dad was blind but found a way to get to that town, found him, and took him home.

Our mother finally met with him, but told him he was a liar and his whole family was nothing but scum. So my half-brother and I built our own relationship. We are quite fond of each other. We have many shared experiences, and what we shared about our mother opened his eyes - he was looking for forgiveness and closure, and found out that he had been much better off not living with our selfish, self-involved, hysterical drama-queen mother. Just as his dad had saved him, mine had raised me - in spite of her.

Sometimes people who have the starry-eyed "I'm gonna find my mother!" find out a lot more than they want or need to know, or find out that the reason they were left behind was a very good one. Yes, my half-brother and I became friends - but my full-brother tried (as he did/does with everyone) to take advantage of him. use him, and lie to him, just as our mother did. Sometimes its a can of worms that, once you open it, turns out to be Pandora's box. You might get lucky, as did my half-brother and I, and find a friend - or you might not. The truth might be important to you, but is not always important to the ones that you are seeking. And oftentimes the truth is very painful. I know that my half-brother thought he would be like the Returning Son, or could make his mother love him at last - she never did, until the day she died. But he did find out that it wasn't his fault - she was just a bi***.
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Old 04-27-2012, 08:40 PM
 
Location: On the Ohio River in Western, KY
3,388 posts, read 5,746,509 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Roselvr View Post
I would start a conversation with the cousins on this very topic to see what they say. It's possible they will say- oh; we have siblings out there.

Pretty scary feeling to wonder if you've ever dated a relative.
Yes, yes it is. I never knew I was adopted by my grandparents till I was in high school('cause someone got drunk and spilled the beans in front of me!), and then I was only told crap about my bio Dad. How he was a cheat, and a liar, and a man ho. Well flash forward to my Jr year of HS. Me and three friends go to town one night to the local pool hall to flirt with boys and play pool. There was a really cute guy playing pool with a few older guys, I assumed he was a bit older than me, but pretty close anyway (he was 19 and I 16 at the time). I finally got up the nerve to go talk to him, and before I could get out any words, one of the older guys asked me "Who is your momma?" When I told him, he introduced himself as my father, introduced me to my cute brother, and two of my uncles!

That was the first time I had met ANY of them since I was 6 months old. We all keep in touch monthly, but it was a PHEW moment, that he reconized me right off; he later said it was like looking at my Mom from almost 20yrs before that.
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Old 04-27-2012, 09:26 PM
 
1,739 posts, read 654,953 times
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I don't have any "full" siblings. I know that I have at least 1 half sibling. Our "mother" was married to two different men. She was from the first guy and I was from the last. "As far as I know I am his only child." My "father" fought in the Vietnam War so could have some when he was there..or as I have been told he had several affairs..so could be some from those that I don't know about. Also, since he walked out (packed in the middle of the night..and left) and I haven't seen him since I was 15..he could have had more. Sometimes I wonder if I have any other half siblings out there but even if I did, I am not sure I would feel a connection. Since I haven't had to face that don't know how I would feel, honestly. Guess it is one of those things you really can't say for sure how you would feel or act unless it actually happened.
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Old 04-28-2012, 03:09 AM
 
12,707 posts, read 14,089,349 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lauriedeee View Post
Thats an interesting point hcg.. I didn't think of that. I don't know who's decision it was to keep quiet about this though.
It sounds like it was a good number of years ago, more in the era when I was young. It was probably everyone's idea to keep things as secret as possible.

I would definitely want to know, but it has taken me a few years to learn not to take the actions of other family members too personally, and to accept that all sorts of mores haved changed for the better and for the worse. Thus, I suppose I am rather "liberal" about family dark secrets.

However, I certainly don't think all older people have changed as much, and a good many still hold onto old conventions.
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