U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > People Search
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 08-13-2012, 09:49 AM
 
10,840 posts, read 14,882,451 times
Reputation: 5095

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by gggjfg View Post

Sitting in front of a computer is a chore for more than the time it takes to type this.


Some searches takes years.

I've spent a dozen or more hours, over a period of many weeks or months, on a single search.
The result was a relative found, that the Op had searched after for 6-7 years. It took me a few hours.
Many searches require a more personal involvement.
A link to Google, or ZabaSearch, etc. are the quick way to suggest a solution, often with close to zero results.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 08-13-2012, 08:11 PM
 
Location: NY
206 posts, read 475,485 times
Reputation: 317
howard555
Just so you know, I just moved 2400 miles to the area that my sister and her family lived in for the last years I knew about. I have found people that knew them but no one I've spoken to knows where they went. I came here also to attend to our family gravesite.

I have to say it distresses me when I hear people hyping up that they didn't have to spend any money to find their lost families. Nuff said!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-16-2012, 05:53 PM
 
2 posts, read 1,411 times
Reputation: 10
well i only have one post. I get the fear/concern though. Especially with something as major as adoption. that can be a touchy situation on ALL sides. I'm sure whatever the outcome, it's nice to have that peace of knowing who you have been searching for all those years. amazing to those you avenues to share. happy hunting!!!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-16-2012, 08:57 PM
 
1,062 posts, read 2,162,494 times
Reputation: 666
Quote:
Originally Posted by howard555 View Post


Some searches takes years.

I've spent a dozen or more hours, over a period of many weeks or months, on a single search.
The result was a relative found, that the Op had searched after for 6-7 years. It took me a few hours.
Many searches require a more personal involvement.
A link to Google, or ZabaSearch, etc. are the quick way to suggest a solution, often with close to zero results.
Zabasearch used to be very helpful years ago, when it used to list year of birth (most times) and recorded dates (most times) of addresses. Then you would just do a process of elimination. You also have to understand that many people who post on here, especially first time posters, really don't have a clue to even look at the usual sites the searchers on here have known about for years...as surprising as that may seem. We used to get much better results. It was a lot more fun back then. Some people have access to paid sites and they are helpful in that way too, although, I haven't seen hide nor hair of some of the better searchers in quite a long while. Still, there are some real good die-hard searchers who are still around.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-17-2012, 08:42 AM
 
10,840 posts, read 14,882,451 times
Reputation: 5095
Quote:
Originally Posted by ecam222 View Post
Zabasearchused to be very helpful years ago, when it used to list year of birth (most times) and recorded dates (most times) of addresses. Then you would just do a process of elimination. You also have to understand that many people who post on here, especially first time posters, really don't have a clue to even look at the usual sites the searchers on here have known about for years...as surprising as that may seem. We used to get much better results. It was a lot more fun back then. Some people have access to paid sites and they are helpful in that way too, although, I haven't seen hide nor hair of some of the better searchers in quite a long while. Still, there are some real good die-hard searchers who are still around.
I agree with you.
--------------------------
I see alot of Zabasearch links being posted.

And I've seen posts that only gave an "empty" google dot com. Given, I guess, for the Op to enter the name themselves.

I never use Zabasearch. I prefer other free sites that give me the precise names I may be looking for.
My public library gave me a couple good sites that they use.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-20-2012, 06:46 AM
 
10,840 posts, read 14,882,451 times
Reputation: 5095
I applaud the forum members who help others in their search.

Some questions askers do not get any help, or very little, maybe just a link to Google.
Then other question askers, may get a couple or three, people helping them.
At some point, one member, or another, will provide the one detail that was needed to make the search successful.

As an example, maybe I offer an Op a couple names and addresses. Then another member gives them another address and "that" is the right one. I helped out as best as I could, but I was unable to give the Op the correct details to find their friend or loved one.

Many times the Op will come back and give us the results, and thank the ones who helped.
Some times they never come back.

There's a mix of all types on all forums (City-Data, Book forums, tech forums, etc.)
Some "pat their buddies on the back" for being instrumental in a successful search.
They also publicly ignore the success of others.
Unfortunately this is what happens, when there is a mix of all types of people.

Cowdog:
I can only go by my own experiences with watching other searches take place and proceed.
As well as the ones where I have been directly involved or the only searcher involved.
One of the risks of an Op calling someone they think might be their parent or sibling, is that the person being called may be:
a. Scared to think that their parent had another child with another man (or woman).
b. They may not want to believe what the caller is telling them.
c. Trying to explain who they are, and why they are calling, is not easy to do in a short phone call. Where the person receiving the call is uncomfortable getting the call from a stranger who thinks they are a relative.
d. The person who answers the phone might be the lady of the house, and the caller (the Op or a 3rd party) might be calling to inform the "man" of the house, that he has a long lost step child. The fact that the man's wife answered the phone, can lead to a disaster, if he had never told his current family about his "other child."
e. There are others.

Many of these searches are about step siblings, step parents, step kids, kids that were adopted out, others where the couple was not married and when the child was born, one of them walked a way from the relationship, etc. These step relatives have to be approached in a carefully thought out way, in my opinion. I'm aware of bad endings because the Op let their emotions cause them to make a mistake in their efforts to make contact with their relative. The way they went about it, caused it to be a mistake. Emotions can be involved in alot of these searches.

I think it is great that you desire to help people in their searches. Just based on my experiences, directly and indirectly, I feel that the Op of a search has a better chance of being successful on a phone call or a letter, than a 3rd party who is more of a total stranger than the Op themselves.
You said you had written a letter to a Mrs. Jenny Rivera.
The Op could have enclosed her photo, and other documented facts, to show that she was indeed the person's daughter, etc.
I know people who have called and been told they had the wrong phone number when they had the right phone number. They were told they had the wrong number, because the person receiving the call, was uncomfortable about the possibilities (see a. through e. above)

Take the J. Rivera you called. You said she sounded and acted mean, and your conclusion is that she is not the Op's Mother. It is possible that she is the Op's Mother. The Op could have decided whether to call or write, and to do it in a way that created the least amount of stress and discomfort for the person she was calling.

If 4 searchers call the "meanie" Mrs. Rivera, she is going to become upset and stop taking calls.
When the Op has not even had a chance to call.

I know a lady who has had her parent's phone number for over 4 months and she has not made the call yet. I was the only one to directly help her, but it is not my place to make the call for her.
She has to do it on her own, when she is ready. That's my opinion.
I don't want to be the one to ruin the whole thing by trying to call her parent to explain why I think they are her parent. I'm more of a total stranger than the lady who needs to, and will, call her parent. It's been a long journey for her and we are still in a delicate stage of her search to find, contact, and meet her parent from 25 years ago.

If you want to send me a direct message or make more comments here, that is fine.

If I see a search thread and you were the one who helped the Op the most and was the searcher who made the search sucessful, I'll congratulate you.

Threads come often on the forum and can be on page two in a few days, so I do not read them all or see them all. I know the ways I can help people, and if I my methods don't fit the search I do not offer my help.

You are a relatively new people search member. That is great that we have another set of eyes.
I came here first looking for someone. Then I decided I had the time and ability to help others, so I began to try to help others.

I have not been accepted by a small few.
I guess they think searchees can not become searchers. That's their problem not mine.
If the Op thanks me for my efforts, that makes it worth it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-20-2012, 07:24 PM
 
Location: Texas and Arkansas
1,319 posts, read 1,219,540 times
Reputation: 1410
Howard, You make a good case for not calling and I will not do it again. I still believe it is fine if I was the only one asked to find the person, but I believe others are calling from the one lady I talked to and I agree that more than one caller is certainly not good. So I am not going to do it again because I think others are calling.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-04-2012, 08:46 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 10,056,330 times
Reputation: 19446
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2bpurrfect View Post
Rachael you are quite correct, so it would be in order for there to be a sticky note warning to all posters, that they need to take special care that they are not giving info to stalkers, abusers, potentially dangerous angry ex's, or even scammers and debt collectors, and such. I would imagine that for some people and posts, it might be easier to tell. For some, not so easy.

But you are quite right to be concerned. Perhaps it would be best if people did not give out info about others, but if they would instead, contact the person being sought after, to show them what is posted here. So they can contact the person seeking them instead of us "exposing them" to potentially dangerous people we do not know anything about.

and in private, some forms of verification, key questions/ answers, and a public meeting place if any, are possibilities to use to limit the risks involved in contact with people whose identity we haven't yet verified. Use even more safeguards if you are seeking / answering a person whom you have never met before.
I realize that this message is not brand new....but 2bpurrfect, thank you so much for posting this. Please, please heed this warning folks. I know we might feel like we're doing the right thing, in "helping" someone out, but PLEASE do exactly this. If someone posts that they're looking for someone else, contact the person who is being LOOKED FOR and direct them to the message. Please?! There are some sick puppies out there. Some of them are HERE on CD, figuring out new ways of preying on innocent people.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-04-2012, 09:25 AM
 
10,840 posts, read 14,882,451 times
Reputation: 5095
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2bpurrfect View Post
Rachael you are quite correct, so it would be in order for there to be a sticky note warning to all posters, that they need to take special care that they are not giving info to stalkers, abusers, potentially dangerous angry ex's, or even scammers and debt collectors, and such. I would imagine that for some people and posts, it might be easier to tell. For some, not so easy.

But you are quite right to be concerned. Perhaps it would be best if people did not give out info about others, but if they would instead, contact the person being sought after, to show them what is posted here. So they can contact the person seeking them instead of us "exposing them" to potentially dangerous people we do not know anything about.

and in private, some forms of verification, key questions/ answers, and a public meeting place if any, are possibilities to use to limit the risks involved in contact with people whose identity we haven't yet verified. Use even more safeguards if you are seeking / answering a person whom you have never met before.
"some forms of verification, key questions/ answers, and a public meeting place if any, are possibilities to use to limit the risks involved in contact with people whose identity we haven't yet verified"

That is very good advice.

But, I tried that with someone who could have easily assumed someone's identity and pose as that person, just by reading the Op's question, and taking notes.
I got my head chopped off by the person who did not want to verify anything about themselves, except what was already public information, on the thread.

Last edited by howard555; 09-04-2012 at 10:14 AM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-04-2012, 08:41 AM
 
10,840 posts, read 14,882,451 times
Reputation: 5095
This article mentions 8 states which have unsealed adoption records.

As adoptees seek roots, states unsealing records - USATODAY.com

That was 4 years ago, so more states may have changed their own rules to meet the law.

Do reseach on your state, and call your vital records department, to see if the new laws can help you.

Hopefully all states will eventually join this important effort, to finally give adoptees, and other relatives, a right to the records.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > People Search
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 04:05 PM.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top