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Old 05-29-2013, 01:17 PM
 
Location: Chicago
149 posts, read 218,448 times
Reputation: 164

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Roselvr View Post
You & I are similar in the way our "parent" makes us feel. While it's your AF; this is my BM. I have gone so far as to tape record things she says; then she turns around & swears she did not say that; even when she hears it on tape. I have never had another person that makes my nerves feel like they are coming out of my skin. I swear I used to black out when I was a teen; that's how furious she made me.

I walked away 7 years ago & have no regrets. She is dead to me. If she needed help & could find me; I would slam the door in her face.

Amen sister , My Mother's (adopted) parents where my mother,father, Grandparents and best friend(GM) and when they passed away I was able to move on as if I buried my entire family. With the information my sister has tossed at me Now I have a new father (who I never planned on finding let alone meeting) plus his dad is still living which now means I have a Grandfather back (I lost both sets of grandparents when I was in my 20's) (well dads side went in my 20's) I was 27 when I lost my Mother's father and 39 just last year when her mother passed. So I felt like I already buried that part of my history but she managed to bring it all back up and I am just having one hell of a time dealing with all the emotions that are coming back to the surface. In fact it has gotten so bad, I was suppose to go to a funeral this friday but it is being held where I grew up and I can't go because I haven't been able to go back to that city in 24 years and had to tell the person that right now it is way to painful for me to attend.
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Old 05-29-2013, 01:22 PM
 
Location: Chicago
149 posts, read 218,448 times
Reputation: 164
Quote:
Originally Posted by howard555 View Post
That last sentence was speaking in general and not to your specific situation as far as your Father, etc. You found your siblings and some people never do find theirs. Some want to know their newly found relatives and others do not.
You are lucky to have found your sister, and she wants to know you.
And when you are ready for the next step, she is there.

Yes the last sentence was a statement, he would be a waste of my time and energy and I have no intention of even going near him (btw he and I do NOT live in the same state) I will not be there for him as he enters his 70's nor will I be there when he draws his last breath in fact I will not even attend his funeral.

In regards to my sister yes she does want to meet and keeps pushing me to meeting, but the simple fact is I don't know her. I have know about her for the last 13 days and we have spoken 6 times in those 13 days. I am just not emotionally stable right now to have a face to face meeting. I need to tell her to quite bring up other people and let me get to know her and only her. I have to work on one person and a time before I am able to deal with other family members.

It has gotten so bad that I had to sign off and take a break from all my friends and other people in my life on Facebook and I turned off my cell phone because I don't want to talk to anyone right now.
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Old 05-29-2013, 01:37 PM
 
Location: Chicago
149 posts, read 218,448 times
Reputation: 164
Quote:
Originally Posted by Roselvr View Post
There is also an adoption section here that you may be able to talk to others to help you process your feelings. This allows you to do it more anonymously then the group.

I can't join that group as there are too many people who not only can read everything said but can interject to much advice. I need more a one on one or a small group which I have contacted my adoption agency to see if there is a support group in my area that I can join.
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Old 05-29-2013, 03:55 PM
 
Location: NJ
10,730 posts, read 21,375,591 times
Reputation: 8947
Quote:
Originally Posted by FlyBoyDC10AA View Post
Amen sister , My Mother's (adopted) parents where my mother,father, Grandparents and best friend(GM) and when they passed away I was able to move on as if I buried my entire family. With the information my sister has tossed at me Now I have a new father (who I never planned on finding let alone meeting) plus his dad is still living which now means I have a Grandfather back (I lost both sets of grandparents when I was in my 20's) (well dads side went in my 20's) I was 27 when I lost my Mother's father and 39 just last year when her mother passed. So I felt like I already buried that part of my history but she managed to bring it all back up and I am just having one hell of a time dealing with all the emotions that are coming back to the surface. In fact it has gotten so bad, I was suppose to go to a funeral this friday but it is being held where I grew up and I can't go because I haven't been able to go back to that city in 24 years and had to tell the person that right now it is way to painful for me to attend.
While I may not be on the same "side" of adoption as you; we really do have a lot in common. Sorry it's been hectic few days with my hub's immune system crashing which is not cool. I almost have the reply finished will explain.

I've finally moved on too because we had a lawsuit with my dads cancer that dragged out almost 7 years. Right when I was able to breathe again a relative "found" me. One from her side of the family. So I understand all too well what you are going through.
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Old 05-29-2013, 05:27 PM
 
Location: NJ
10,730 posts, read 21,375,591 times
Reputation: 8947
Quote:
Originally Posted by FlyBoyDC10AA View Post
I can't join that group as there are too many people who not only can read everything said but can interject to much advice. I need more a one on one or a small group which I have contacted my adoption agency to see if there is a support group in my area that I can join.
I'm still looking for options every chance I get.
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Old 05-29-2013, 05:39 PM
 
Location: Chicago
149 posts, read 218,448 times
Reputation: 164
Quote:
Originally Posted by Roselvr View Post
I'm still looking for options every chance I get.
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Old 05-29-2013, 06:19 PM
 
Location: Canada
5,762 posts, read 4,179,208 times
Reputation: 15501
I hope it all works out for you when you finally meet your sister and hear from your brother. As for your father, time will tell whether you will be in contact with him or not.
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Old 05-29-2013, 06:57 PM
 
Location: Chicago
149 posts, read 218,448 times
Reputation: 164
Quote:
Originally Posted by gouligann View Post
I hope it all works out for you when you finally meet your sister and hear from your brother. As for your father, time will tell whether you will be in contact with him or not.

no I don't think it will, I do think I will meet my sister (just not as fast as she would like) I am not sure about the brother thank god we don't live in the same state, in regards to my father I am just not going to go there. I have no intrest to be honest. A big part of me is hoping he isn't my Birth father then I can just slam that door and not have to go any further but I have a funny feeling that he is.
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Old 05-30-2013, 06:07 AM
 
Location: NJ
10,730 posts, read 21,375,591 times
Reputation: 8947
Quote:
Originally Posted by FlyBoyDC10AA View Post
no I don't think it will, I do think I will meet my sister (just not as fast as she would like) I am not sure about the brother thank god we don't live in the same state, in regards to my father I am just not going to go there. I have no intrest to be honest. A big part of me is hoping he isn't my Birth father then I can just slam that door and not have to go any further but I have a funny feeling that he is.
Go back to the 1st post you made. You are looking for siblings.
You found your sister. Stop. Digest. Take it slow. Nicely make it clear to your sister you want to get to know her & your (deceased) mother. Everything you've said about AF & grand parents; tell her. You don't have to elaborate on the other stuff right now. None of that was your "fault"
Even though the rest came out; you do not have to act on it.
Your bio-father being alive as well as a paternal grandfather is too much right now.
You also can't handle thinking about your brother. Don't.
Refocus on 2 people; you & your sister.
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Old 05-30-2013, 06:09 AM
 
Location: NJ
10,730 posts, read 21,375,591 times
Reputation: 8947
Quote:
Originally Posted by gouligann View Post
I hope it all works out for you when you finally meet your sister and hear from your brother. As for your father, time will tell whether you will be in contact with him or not.
If you read this post you will understand more.
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