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Old 03-18-2015, 04:33 PM
 
Location: I'm around here someplace :)
3,633 posts, read 4,432,882 times
Reputation: 3980

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I hope it isn't violating any rules to post this:

The first I ever heard of people-searching was decades ago before I knew anything about computers. The stories I read were generally about people who'd been adopted and were searching for their birth parents/mothers. The "success stories" ("happily ever after") were relatively few in comparison to searches turning out to be huge mistakes.

These days, searching is easier, there are more sources of information, and many focus more on what they want or their rights without considering the potential effects it may have on the individuals they are looking for. Birth parents, "lost loves," etc., move on with their lives, and someone "resurfacing out of nowhere" does not always produce happy results.

If I'm allowed to post this, please take into consideration girls who surrendered their children for adoption, 'deadbeat dads,' 'old flames' from the past, etc., may not want to be found, and in some cases it could even ruin people's lives.
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Old 03-18-2015, 06:42 PM
 
Location: florida
1,611 posts, read 1,948,987 times
Reputation: 2014
Tia
I can only speak for myself but I've been helping people find relatives/friends for about eight years now. I've seen a few that I connected that didn't work out but I've had many more that did work out. Many of the adult children are aware that it might not work out when finding birth parents but they also need to know about family medical information.


Bill
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Old 03-19-2015, 06:55 AM
 
Location: Florida
4,103 posts, read 4,280,254 times
Reputation: 10056
Ill have to find the article but I read somewhere that like 90% of women that give their children up for adoption will down the road wish they could contact them. People change and so do their opinions, even of their own decisions. A lot of women realize that even though the child was created from an ill gotten situation, its still their child. Personally my birth mother gave me up for adoption and gave no information about herself that could help me find her, it was a closed adoption and the State sealed the records. I have no way in Florida to open this record unless I can convince a judge its for a "legitimate reason" which is entirely up to their own personal opinion. It would be just as difficult for my birth mother if she decided to try to find me. I do wonder if shes ever tried to find me but in some States its just impossible. Just bear in mind that your feelings today most likely wont be your feelings 20 years from now. Also bear in mind that its not the childs fault that it was created through a bad situation, and it is definitely not communicated to the child. So he/she doesnt know WHY you gave it up for adoption, only that you did.
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Old 03-19-2015, 10:23 AM
 
Location: OH>IL>CO>CT
5,238 posts, read 8,417,308 times
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Aren't there a few websites where adoptees or birth parents can register in an effort to connect with each other ? Kind of like match.com, or eharmony, but for adoptions ?
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Old 03-19-2015, 10:48 AM
 
10,839 posts, read 14,868,441 times
Reputation: 5095
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tia 914 View Post
I hope it isn't violating any rules to post this:
If I'm allowed to post this, please take into consideration girls who surrendered their children for adoption, 'deadbeat dads,' 'old flames' from the past, etc., may not want to be found, and in some cases it could even ruin people's lives.
I agree with Bill.

There was a scenario not included in the reasons you mentioned since they did not voluntarily give their child up for adoption. In that specific case the child and parent sought each other though neither of them knew the other was looking. And it has worked out well the last time I got a message from them.

Part of it on the success side can be how the contact is made.

And don't limit the "may not want to know other relatives" to just adoptions.
Kids born out of wedlock are not always adoptions and yet the two biological parents go their separate ways. It's not adoption but the result is nearly the same. Child may want to know their bio parent.

Some people don't like the idea of acquiring several new relatives they never knew about.
Others can be open arms.

Quote:
Originally Posted by reed303 View Post
Aren't there a few websites where adoptees or birth parents can register in an effort to connect with each other ? Kind of like match.com, or eharmony, but for adoptions ?
Yes there are many adoption registries and new laws have opened up adoption records that have previously been closed and sealed.

New laws are spreading the country on unlocking adoption records.
That is a good thing in my view.

Last edited by howard555; 03-19-2015 at 11:37 AM..
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Old 03-19-2015, 01:21 PM
 
Location: Florida
4,103 posts, read 4,280,254 times
Reputation: 10056
Quote:
Originally Posted by reed303 View Post
Aren't there a few websites where adoptees or birth parents can register in an effort to connect with each other ? Kind of like match.com, or eharmony, but for adoptions ?
Yes but theres some inherent flaws in most of them. Some of them ask for the parents name, obviously a lot of us dont know that. Also some agencies were known to change birth dates and locations to hide the mothers ID. One of the major issues is the number of sites out there. If the child posts on one site and the mother posts on a different site they wont find a match.
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