[Ellabella2]

(I posted this on the People Search forum, but I thought some folks here might find it helpful/encouraging).

I want to offer a word of encouragement to the people I see who are trying to find their birth relatives, and some basic advice if you have little info to go on...

Very briefly, I had been looking for my birth father on and off for 20 years. I didn't have his name and ran into brick wall after brick wall. I finally bit the bullet last year and spent money on online DNA tests, as I knew their databases had gotten a lot larger in the last several years (more likely to find a match).

First I tried Family Tree DNA, but unfortunately I had no matches closer than about 4th cousin. I did learn a lot about my ethnic background though, which was pretty cool and worth the money I spent.

Then I tried Ancestry DNA and I found my previously unknown half-sister in the database! This discovery eventually led to my birth father (I had to do a little on-line sleuthing to find him-see end of my post). Holy Cow, I thought I'd never find him!

I've spoken to him once on the phone, now have a couple of photos, his family history, medical history, and the background on how I ended up in this world but without a father in my life. (No need to rehash the sorry story here-lol!).

I'll be honest. My discovery was a little bittersweet; no tear-filled reunion is likely in the future (which makes me a little sad, but I don't think he wants to meet). But I finally have the answers I had been desperately seeking for so many years.

So I just want to tell people who are looking for their own families, if you REALLY want to find them, keep looking! I was about to give up, and I'm SO glad I didn't.

The DNA tests have really come down in price. I think the three major testing companies (Family Tree DNA, Ancestry DNA, and 23andMe) each charge about $99 now for their tests. Not cheap for a lot of us, but really worth it, especially if you don't have a lot of identifying info on your family member(s). If you can find a close cousin match (2nd cousin or closer), you may be able to locate the relative you are looking for even if they have not tested. There are of course no guarantees, but at the very least you'll find out more about your ethnic background.

There's also a free site, I forget what it's called, where you can upload your results from the other testing sites and compile it, and I think it gives you more info. There are a lot of blogs now about genetic genealogy on the web. They're really helpful, and really interesting too (I'm a science person).

Finally, there's one more resource I'll recommend. The website Legacy.com. This free site compiles obits from all over the country. There's a ton of family history in most obits. Even if the person you're looking for hasn't passed away, remember, he/she may be mentioned in someone else's obit. One person leads to another. Use the keyword search feature and see what you can find. This website is where I ultimately tracked down my birth father, after finding his other daughter through Ancestry DNA (long story).

Anyway, good luck everyone!

[MrBillM]

Send him a Christmas card and birthday card every year. Maybe he will come around down the road.

[Roselvr]

Congrats on finding your family, I agree with Bill, send him a card. Without knowing specifics it's hard to give advice but my experience has been that if I reached out to someone it started the relationship. I never knew my hubs gram except to talk on the phone with her, when she passed in 2015 we were closer then she was with her daughter or any of my hubs family.

For anyone wanting to do DNA, pick a company, Ancestry, 23 and me or Family Tree DNA (FTDNA). See the specials thread. Ancestry and 23 and me are $99, FTDNA is $79. FTDNA allows you to upload your Ancestry or 23 and me results free. My Heritage a family tree site also allows free uploads but is not as established yet. The free site to upload results to is GEDmatch.com.

[Ellabella2]

Thanks both of you. It's something I'll consider