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My father hasn't passed away. He's going on 86 years old and lives alone in Florida (my mother passed away quite a few years ago). I have two siblings that I'm not close to and don't plan on ever seeing them again (except at my father's funeral that is). Anyway, my parents downsized years ago when my father retired so there's not much left in the way of personal possessions. The last few times I visited my father he let me take what I wanted - old Christmas decorations, personal photos, a few pieces of my mother's jewelry, etc. I'm not interested in anything else he owns like furniture, clothes, books, etc. So I don't expect any fighting over possessions. I could care less if my siblings take whatever's left when the time comes. That was a big part of the reason I asked my father if I could take what I wanted so I wouldn't have to fight with them later.
My main concern is his Will of course. My father is VERY precise and I know he has a Will and I have no doubt everything is spelled out completely. However, I also know my alcoholic brother is the executor. I've never been through through this before (there was obviously no reading of a Will when my mother died since my father was still alive at the time). I'm hoping I won't have to talk to my siblings when the time comes for my father. So I suppose my question is this - Will this all be very straighforward between the lawyer and me or will I have to speak to my siblings? Also, can my brother stir up any trouble? He has to abide by my father's wishes, correct?
Also, I know my father put alot of money into three CDs - one for each of us. We're each down as his POD beneficiaries. My understanding is that the CDs will come directly to each of us and won't have to go through probate. Is that correct? Hopefully this is all a few years off but I'm really dreading the day when it does come. Thanks for any insight.
<snip> My main concern is his Will of course. My father is VERY precise and I know he has a Will and I have no doubt everything is spelled out completely. However, I also know my alcoholic brother is the executor. I've never been through through this before (there was obviously no reading of a Will when my mother died since my father was still alive at the time). I'm hoping I won't have to talk to my siblings when the time comes for my father. So I suppose my question is this - Will this all be very straighforward between the lawyer and me or will I have to speak to my siblings? Also, can my brother stir up any trouble? He has to abide by my father's wishes, correct?
Also, I know my father put alot of money into three CDs - one for each of us. We're each down as his POD beneficiaries. My understanding is that the CDs will come directly to each of us and won't have to go through probate. Is that correct? Hopefully this is all a few years off but I'm really dreading the day when it does come. Thanks for any insight.
There are few things worst, or more expensive, than a fight between siblings. Get a copy of the will to determine the legal extend of your brother's authority. Discuss the will with your sibs before your father passes. Early discussions help to prevent later conflicts. State laws vary, but generally the executor has a lot of latitude, along with the liability, to administrate the will. If you feel he is not honoring your father's wishes, you can sue him with your money and he can defend with the estate's money. The end result is all the money is spent, no one gets anything and hard feeling last a lifetime. Get a legal opinion as to the status of the wording and if the intent can be successfully enforced in court. State laws dominate so get a respected estate planning lawyer.
Check the POD beneficiary designations. All of the sibs may be listed as beneficiaries on each of the CDs. Big issues here. Don't forget that the executor can have the estate reimburse for personal expenses..........
My father hasn't passed away. He's going on 86 years old and lives alone in Florida (my mother passed away quite a few years ago). I have two siblings that I'm not close to and don't plan on ever seeing them again (except at my father's funeral that is). Anyway, my parents downsized years ago when my father retired so there's not much left in the way of personal possessions. The last few times I visited my father he let me take what I wanted - old Christmas decorations, personal photos, a few pieces of my mother's jewelry, etc. I'm not interested in anything else he owns like furniture, clothes, books, etc. So I don't expect any fighting over possessions. I could care less if my siblings take whatever's left when the time comes. That was a big part of the reason I asked my father if I could take what I wanted so I wouldn't have to fight with them later.
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My main concern is his Will of course. My father is VERY precise and I know he has a Will and I have no doubt everything is spelled out completely. However, I also know my alcoholic brother is the executor. I've never been through through this before (there was obviously no reading of a Will when my mother died since my father was still alive at the time).
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I'm hoping I won't have to talk to my siblings when the time comes for my father. So I suppose my question is this - Will this all be very straighforward between the lawyer and me or will I have to speak to my siblings? Also, can my brother stir up any trouble? He has to abide by my father's wishes, correct?
Your alcoholic brother is supposed to follow your father's wishes and the directives of the probate court, but whether he does or not remains to be seen.
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Also, I know my father put alot of money into three CDs - one for each of us. We're each down as his POD beneficiaries. My understanding is that the CDs will come directly to each of us and won't have to go through probate. Is that correct? Hopefully this is all a few years off but I'm really dreading the day when it does come.
When you father passes, the bank should be transferring the POD accounts immediately. this is where most problems arise when POD accounts are used. Others in your family may get pop to use the money in your POD account as opposed to balancing the consumption of all accounts. Or, they may just take the money. There is little you can do about this unless you are willing to get quite involved. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard from children that they are shocked that the only POD account left is the one with the daughter that lived with mom or pop, meaning that she was in control of the money and spent your, maybe on pop, maybe not.
Your alcoholic brother is supposed to follow your father's wishes and the directives of the probate court, but whether he does or not remains to be seen.
When you father passes, the bank should be transferring the POD accounts immediately. this is where most problems arise when POD accounts are used. Others in your family may get pop to use the money in your POD account as opposed to balancing the consumption of all accounts. Or, they may just take the money. There is little you can do about this unless you are willing to get quite involved. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard from children that they are shocked that the only POD account left is the one with the daughter that lived with mom or pop, meaning that she was in control of the money and spent your, maybe on pop, maybe not.
What's the role of the lawyer in all this? Doesn't the lawyer have any responsibility to make sure my brother does as my father wishes?
As far as the CDs and other family members are concerned, my family literally consists of my father and us three 'kids'. My father was the baby of his family and every other relative that ever existed is dead. My father lives alone in Florida and we all live in other states. Of course, whether my father will live out the remainder of his life alone remains to be seen. My father also still handles his own money affairs but again, whether that continues remains to be seen.
I'm not worried about hard feelings arising from all of this since we're already not speaking (me and my siblings). I don't even plan on speaking to them when the time comes and I'm forced to be in the same room with them at the funeral parlor. I have no plans of 'starting' with them but I don't want them 'starting' with me either. I just want my father's wishes carried out and and then my siblings will be out of my life for good.
I'm afraid I'm not getting the most reassuring feeling that this will go smoothly although I do appreciate the honest responses.
Perhaps you can talk with your father, confirm that the CD that is POD to YOU is still titled that way, and still has money in it, and even still exists. (Get paperwork on it, a statement perhaps.) But even that is only as good as the day it's printed. The next day your dad could cash out the CD. It's still HIS, and is only POD to you when he passes.
IF that's really all you want, perhaps that could be taken care of that way. Other than that, to be honest with you I don't see how you WON"T have to deal with your siblings at some point.
If there is more you want, maybe get a copy of the will, so at least you know what your father's wishes are. Without that you're brother could tell you anything.
I doubt' a lawyer can "make" the executor honor wishes.
Perhaps you can talk with your father, confirm that the CD that is POD to YOU is still titled that way, and still has money in it, and even still exists. (Get paperwork on it, a statement perhaps.) But even that is only as good as the day it's printed. The next day your dad could cash out the CD. It's still HIS, and is only POD to you when he passes.
IF that's really all you want, perhaps that could be taken care of that way. Other than that, to be honest with you I don't see how you WON"T have to deal with your siblings at some point.
If there is more you want, maybe get a copy of the will, so at least you know what your father's wishes are. Without that you're brother could tell you anything.
I doubt' a lawyer can "make" the executor honor wishes.
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Thanks Wilson513 for helping us here.
The suggestion to talk to my father makes sense but I can't do it. My father is very 'old school' and an extremely private man. The only reason I even know about the $100K CD is because he had to ask me for my SS# so he could put me down as the POD beneficiary. He was extremely upset at the time - this was two weeks before my mother passed. I guess her name was on it until that point and he had to get her off of it since she was dying. I know these things are always hard to talk about but it's even harder with my father. I think growing up dirt poor in the Depression has alot to do with it. He even chokes up to this day when talking about what it was like (and he hardly ever talks about it). I highly doubt my father changed the beneficiaries on his CDs (3 of them in the same amount to each of us).
Since my mother passed, he only spends what he needs to in order to pay his bills. He has no desire to spend money in any 'frivolous' way like travelling or even going out to eat. He used to do those things with my mom and without her, he's not interested in doing that type of stuff anymore. My parents were married for over 50 years so while my father is surviving without her, he doesn't have the desire to enjoy life anymore. He used to make a huge fuss over Christmas but he doesn't even decorate anymore (which is why I took the decorations - he was actually going to toss them out - vintage decorations from the 1950s!!!). So, anyway, I'm confident my name is still right where he put it on the CD. I also don't want to press him about it since it may be a moot point if he winds up having to go into a nursing home down the road. I realize the money would probably just go to the nursing home in that case. So I may never see it anyway.
As far as the will is concerned, I'll get a chance to see it when my father does pass away, correct? I understand that the lawyer can't make my brother do anything but can you clarify what exactly the lawyer's role is? Thanks.
What's the role of the lawyer in all this? Doesn't the lawyer have any responsibility to make sure my brother does as my father wishes?
Oh, yea, he will be a big part of it. He has to sign anything that gets filed in court, and the executor has no authority to do anything until he has been appointed by the court after filing of the will. So, yes, a diligent lawyer will make him follow the will.
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As far as the CDs and other family members are concerned, my family literally consists of my father and us three 'kids'. My father was the baby of his family and every other relative that ever existed is dead. My father lives alone in Florida and we all live in other states. Of course, whether my father will live out the remainder of his life alone remains to be seen. My father also still handles his own money affairs but again, whether that continues remains to be seen.
I'm not worried about hard feelings arising from all of this since we're already not speaking (me and my siblings). I don't even plan on speaking to them when the time comes and I'm forced to be in the same room with them at the funeral parlor. I have no plans of 'starting' with them but I don't want them 'starting' with me either. I just want my father's wishes carried out and and then my siblings will be out of my life for good.
I'm afraid I'm not getting the most reassuring feeling that this will go smoothly although I do appreciate the honest responses.
I think the biggest risk that it won't go as planned will be the likelihood that the CD's will not be there when he dies. If you were more involved you could keep a dialogue going with your father over the CD's and the use thereof, or changes in the accounts. But if your bad siblings are free to influence father, don't be surprised to find his wishes not carried out. Andif the CD's are changed and there is nothing of value other than the POD accounts, there may be no filing of the will and no lawyer, etc. Sorry.
I think the biggest risk that it won't go as planned will be the likelihood that the CD's will not be there when he dies. If you were more involved you could keep a dialogue going with your father over the CD's and the use thereof, or changes in the accounts. But if your bad siblings are free to influence father, don't be surprised to find his wishes not carried out. Andif the CD's are changed and there is nothing of value other than the POD accounts, there may be no filing of the will and no lawyer, etc. Sorry.
My father is an extremely private man but also an extremely fair man. As far as my siblings influencing him, he would never discuss money issues with them either. He's not happy us kids aren't speaking but he loves all three of us equally. I know the last thing he'd want to see happen is there to be even more discord after he passes. Unless he develops dementia (which thankfully hasn't happened so far and knock on wood hopefully won't), I highly doubt any changes have been made. Of course, if his mental health does decline, then I'd get more involved. I'd have to in that case. I'm not counting on the money anyway as I it could easily go away if he needs long term care (his health is good at this point and I know he'd hate to have to go into a nursing home). He likes being by himself so he'd probably will himself to die if he can't remain in his own home.
Last edited by GPC; 03-15-2012 at 07:42 AM..
Reason: spelling
My father is an extremely private man but also an extremely fair man. As far as my siblings influencing him, he would never discuss money issues with them either. He's not happy us kids aren't speaking but he loves all three of us equally. I know the last thing he'd want to see happen is there to be even more discord after he passes. Unless he develops dementia (which thankfully hasn't happened so far and knock on wood hopefully won't), I highly doubt any changes have been made. Of course, if his mental health takes a turn, then I'd get more involved. I'd have to in that case. I'm not counting on the money as I know there's a good change it'll go bye bye if he needs long term care (his health is good at this point and I know he would hate to have to go into a nursing home). He likes being by himself so he'd probably will himself to die if he can't remain in his own home.
It is gratifying to see an independent elder. I wish him and you the best.
I've heard Dave Ramsey talk about situations like this. One thing he recommends is a public reading of the will with everyone that is effected, while the person is still alive. That way there aren't any "surprises" after the person passes. While this maybe isn't realistic for you if you aren't on speaking terms with everyone, maybe your dad could contact each sibling individually to let them know his wishes? Just a thought.
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