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I remember going to open our JOINT accouts, picking out what bank to use, what checks to get, etc. was part of us becoming a couple. We had one checking account and one savings account. Occasionally we bought CD's. I handled all the money because H didn't like doing it. This will vary from couple to couple but with one person doing the finances it's so much easier to have one pot to work out of. I was a SAHM for a big chunk of our marriage and put nothing into the pot but did all the wheeling and dealing becasue I was so much better at it and enjoyed it. We also had joint credit cards for the longest time.
Things ended and I got my own checking/savings account, my own CU account and another online bank account in my name only. I also was able to get a bunch of credit in my name only before they changed the rules to disallow "household" income. Credit cards is the one area I would recommend keeping things seperate so you have your own individual credit history.
Wife and I have one very large joint account. The vast majority of my pay goes into it. Her pay is a pittance by comparison. When she's working at a paying job it's about 25% of mine, and right now she's not working, she's (by choice) a homemaker.
The joint account pays savings/investments, mortgage, car payment(s) when we have one, insurance, utilities, food, gas on her car, etc.
I have a separate checking account where I get a small-ish chunk every month. In an average month, I will never touch the joint account, and when I do, I always tell her. She's more than welcome to see my account, where I pay for things like hobbies, small impulse purchases. I have encouraged her to get and keep her own, but she prefers to run the joint.
A friend who was a marriage counselor said that he felt he was seeing trouble with couples who had separate accounts. He and his wife had a single account, and she was barely earning anything, then was home with kids. I pointed out to him that neither of them had much of anything when they started out, plus, they were both working at the same job at the same place and finishing grad school, so they were in sort of the same boat before marrying.
How did their marriage work out? Last I heard, he was fired from a couple of high-level jobs for playing fast and loose with billing. She was working a professional job. They're still married after 22 years, and I heard from a co-worker that he cheats all the time.
One data point. I also agree that whatever works for a couple, works for that couple.
Here is a proven plan. After many years of marriage, these spouses never get into disagreements about money.
-both spouses work.
-separate checking and investment accts
-separate credit card accts
-buy/own cars separately.
-all househould bills split 50/50(uliltities, home mortgage, home improvement/maintenance, household furniture,mowers, home decor, etc)
--each spouse buys their own clothes, misc.(works great because each spouse has different shopping habits)
-have one shared credit card for joint entertainment, groceries. bill is paid 50/50
-each spouse pays their own health care
-no kids
Last edited by sware2cod; 11-22-2012 at 07:07 AM..
... Why do people act like their spouse is their roommate, handling finances the way roommates would? ...
IMO, this has become more common over the years due to these factors
-Many married couples live together before getting married these days. They become accustomed to splitting bills like roommates, and it works well for them.
-More marriages have dual income earners than years ago when one spouse worked.
-Some folks have different spending/savings habits. Maybe one spouse wants high end clothing all the time and the other spouse is totally against it. When you have separate accts, it avoids any conflict. The frugal spouse doesnt care if the shopper goes hog wild on new designer clothes. The shopper doesnt need permission or negotiation/discussion about their spending.(Let's assume the shopper doesnt go into bad debt. Just simply likes to spend their paycheck on designer clothes. The frugal spouse likes to save.)
When joint expenses (like house, utilities, etc.) are split 50/50, isn't there an issue about who earns more? Or if one person has cut back on earnings to take care of kids or elders, or to move to another city for spouse's job, so on and so forth?
I think "no kids" is the key answer for some!
We have joint everything... not an issue for us. For most everything I'm the primary account holder, however.
I make significantly more than my husband at the moment, and I manage all the bills/finances. He doesn't really buy much, and when he does, he runs it by me first (although he doesn't have to).
I have no issue with separate checking accounts or anything if that works for the couple. I don't "romanticize" money in any way. For us it's just easier to keep it all together as 1 account, and neither of us are bad with money so there's no conflict.
Wow, a lot of people seem to make this so much more difficult than it should be! Why do people act like their spouse is their roommate, handling finances the way roommates would? What we do (just as most other couples we know do) is that we have one checking account, our paychecks are both deposited there. Our mortgage and credit cards are in both names and our income and all expenses are pooled together. If either one of us wants to make a big purchase we run it by the other. It's so much easier to budget when we look at the total money and total expenses per month. I think it would make things so much more complicated if we tried to split everything, it would add an element of distrust between us, and of course her income is quite a bit lower than mine so it would sort of leave her in a tough spot if she had to pay for her things on her own.
My thoughts are the same, however, I think that a lot of the complication stems from the fact that a lot of spouses today, 'were roommates' first. Although there are exceptions to every rule, the 'friends w/benefits' arrangement rarely carries the same degree of mutual trust and commitment, as a marriage. Having said that, there are likewise many marriages that still look at things as "yours" or "mine" and face trust issues in other areas as well.
I'm a little suspect of folks who say, "We have always had a 'yours'/'mine' financial arrangement ... and never fought about money." The marriage counseling I've done over the years presents a different picture.
We are now in our 45th year of the "marriage thing," except, in our case, it's always been the "life together thing." While everyone has their own ways of doing things, we've always had a 'common pool' for finances ... and we also used to fight over money, like anything else, when it seemed necessary. (A lot of the things we used to 'fight over' aren't really that important in the long run). We both worked until we both retired about 4-years ago. My wife has always 'handled the ongoing finances' (She's better at it!) - while I've always dealt with the bigger items (investments, mortgages, etc) ... because I'm better at that.
I'm always amazed when I encounter folks who say they are 'ready' or even 'in process' of making a lifetime marriage commitment, but, only discover in pre-marital counseling that they have completely different ideas about money, kids, religion, working, marriage roles ... and a hundred other important life issues. Maybe that's because much our culture tends to view marriage as a 'temporary arrangement... the longevity of which depends largely on whether I get my needs met'.
Location: Finally escaped The People's Republic of California
11,314 posts, read 8,654,334 times
Reputation: 6391
My money is our money
and
Her money is her Money
seems to work for her, I mean us.....
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