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Old 05-18-2013, 01:34 PM
 
Location: NJ
17,580 posts, read 18,148,870 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ruggy View Post
This is why marriage rules should be changed. In this day and society, money and security are placed higher than marriage and relationships. If the money factor was taken out, I am sure more marriages would last. That and well, both keeping in shape. If you still look good and there is no money to worry about, then everything should be in perfect harmony.
What exactly do you mean when you say marriage rules should be changed? Changed how?
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Old 05-18-2013, 08:40 PM
 
Location: Monterey County California
106 posts, read 54,004 times
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Here's my thoughts on unequal incomes and bills and savings and spending in a family. If you earn 75% of the family income then you pay 75% of the family bills and save 75% of the family savings and the other party does 25% for bills and savings then once all bills and savings are taken care of you can spend what you both want to. Seems pretty easy to me. But I see so many people split the bills evenly but wait she earns only half the salary so how does that work. Not fairly for sure and there will be resentment in that marriage.
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Old 05-18-2013, 08:49 PM
 
1,310 posts, read 803,026 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by onlymike View Post
Here's my thoughts on unequal incomes and bills and savings and spending in a family. If you earn 75% of the family income then you pay 75% of the family bills and save 75% of the family savings and the other party does 25% for bills and savings then once all bills and savings are taken care of you can spend what you both want to. Seems pretty easy to me. But I see so many people split the bills evenly but wait she earns only half the salary so how does that work. Not fairly for sure and there will be resentment in that marriage.
That's a pretty fair way to do it.

The way I have talked with my SO about how I would like it to work when we get married/live together/buy a home, is we don't live too far above the means of whoever is making the least. For example, if he makes 100k and I make 65k, and he loses his job or gets hit by a car, I'd like to have enough in my weekly check to cover our bills out of my 65k salary. I think it's important no matter how we split or don't split the money. I just want to know that if one of us gets put on our ass and life happens, the other can cover.
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Old 05-19-2013, 12:17 AM
 
115 posts, read 87,650 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ducviloxi View Post
For couples here who have significantly different incomes how do you allocate discretionary spending? Does the person who makes 2X or 3X the income get to have a higher discretionary spending limit? Or do you keep the same limit for both of you?

For couples that are not married: If one of you are in a significantly better financial position - say no debts, high income, high savings and is able to spend more freely on wants and your partner has debts, lower income, low savings would you curtail your spending on wants so that you don't rub it in because your partner cannot spend as freely?
Not sure if the first question is meant for married couples, but as someone who is married I don't believe in allocating income/discretionary expenses. It's all one pot and any expense that is other than a run of the mill expense we usually discuss with the other party before pulling the trigger.
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Old 05-19-2013, 07:58 AM
 
Location: Holmdel, NJ
17,021 posts, read 12,393,575 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ruggy View Post
This is why marriage rules should be changed. In this day and society, money and security are placed higher than marriage and relationships. If the money factor was taken out, I am sure more marriages would last. That and well, both keeping in shape. If you still look good and there is no money to worry about, then everything should be in perfect harmony.
how could you change the rules? money is a part of life no matter what the rules of marriage are.
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Old 05-19-2013, 08:02 AM
 
Location: Holmdel, NJ
17,021 posts, read 12,393,575 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MeInDenudinFL View Post
The same can also be asked about those who are mixing their finances, is this to avoid the possiblity of divorce? Since once the money is clearly split, it would make the other split easier? Would not doing it result in some undesirable situation that will make couple to grow apart?

Not saying this way or other but I can see how can be seen on both ways.
i agree that pooling money can make splitting harder, but i dont agree that doing so is to avoid the possibility of divorce. the reason is that it takes more active consideration to do what is against the norm. if you do whats more typical (in this case pooling money) it doesnt usually have that active thought and i doubt they are thinking about doing it to to prevent divorce. its similar to the idea of a pre-nup. doing one is to prepare for the possibility of divorce; but i dont think not doing one means the couple actually thought of not doing one for the purpose of reducing likelihood of divorce (even though that may be a consequence).
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Old 05-19-2013, 12:15 PM
 
18,870 posts, read 13,488,400 times
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If you can't see money as a team effort, the marriage has problems.

Many older couples I know, the women handled the money. The bills were paid, there was no, my money, her money, it was all one pot. That is a family. No wonder there are so many divorces now.
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Old 05-19-2013, 04:33 PM
 
477 posts, read 373,764 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jasper12 View Post
If you can't see money as a team effort, the marriage has problems.

Many older couples I know, the women handled the money. The bills were paid, there was no, my money, her money, it was all one pot. That is a family. No wonder there are so many divorces now.
In my opinion, one of the spouses "handling the money" is a terrible way to handle finances that should be handled through the collaboration of both. I'm not talking about who physically writes the checks, but that the overall discussion of what to do with money, how it should be spent, etc. should be a joint effort. I would also throw out that one of the reasons that the women handled the money and the reason that money was divided as it was is because it was much more traditional for the men to work and the women to run the household for older couples.

Not speaking to how the money is divided, just the handling of money.
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Old 05-19-2013, 04:44 PM
 
Location: Holmdel, NJ
17,021 posts, read 12,393,575 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by msdmoney View Post
In my opinion, one of the spouses "handling the money" is a terrible way to handle finances that should be handled through the collaboration of both. I'm not talking about who physically writes the checks, but that the overall discussion of what to do with money, how it should be spent, etc. should be a joint effort. I would also throw out that one of the reasons that the women handled the money and the reason that money was divided as it was is because it was much more traditional for the men to work and the women to run the household for older couples.

Not speaking to how the money is divided, just the handling of money.
im glad that my wife lets me take the lead with finances and i think that a crucial component to that is that i make the money. i bet it gets a lot tougher to control spending when the one that spends more is the one that makes more.
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Old 05-20-2013, 06:21 AM
 
Location: Greenville, SC
1,774 posts, read 1,195,327 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by onlymike View Post
Here's my thoughts on unequal incomes and bills and savings and spending in a family. If you earn 75% of the family income then you pay 75% of the family bills and save 75% of the family savings and the other party does 25% for bills and savings then once all bills and savings are taken care of you can spend what you both want to. Seems pretty easy to me. But I see so many people split the bills evenly but wait she earns only half the salary so how does that work. Not fairly for sure and there will be resentment in that marriage.
As someone else said, marriage is a team effort. The minute you start trying to do a weighted split bills and expenses based on income it can be a problem for some people. Everyone is different however.

I think it is MUCH easier and more "fair" to simply pool all of our money. All of our income goes into one checking account and all of our bills get paid out of that account. Why worry about someone paying 75% and someone else paying 25%? Together, We, just pay 100% of our bills.

For movies, clothes, books, music, trips with friends, etc. we just share 1 budget. Say, we have a monthly "entertainment" budget and a monthly "food & drink" budget (that is separate from our grocery budget and is meant for drinks with friends and eating out). So if our monthly budget is $X for something, that's our total combined monthly budget. It doesn't matter if one month I spend $.7X and she spends $.3X because next monthly I might spend $.2X and she spends $.8X.

Marriage takes a good bit of trust. If you can find someone where the two of you don't need to even think about what % of bills each of you pay or what % of savings or what % of spending you each do, you will probably have a happy marriage

Last edited by jamiecta; 05-20-2013 at 06:31 AM..
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