Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Nopety nope nope nope..... just like investments, past performance is no indication of future actions. I had a friend (note past tense) who borrowed and paid back several times.... and then came the time they didn't -- and amusingly enough it was the most they had ever borrowed. 750 bucks.
And the reasons! Well -- she had just gotten a job three weeks after we just had to save her family fromall utilities being shut off YET AGAIN.... and she just HAD to buy a matching Coach bag, wallet and shoes, because she had appearances to maintain at work....
And then she had to start getting her nails done every week.... and then the new tattoo... and hair coloring....
We'd get 25 dollar payments here and there.... after a few years she winnowed it down to 600 bucks....
But honestly, it felt like she was rubbing my generosity into my face, because every time we saw them it was a whole litany of what else I got new and have to upkeep every two weeks...and why aren't YOU doing this, too, because there's something wrong with you if you don't do these things.... and I ended the friendship.
OP -- don't lend the money, and if she asks, you can GENTLY try to guide her to not spending everything + 10%... but don't expect it to take.... some people NEVER get it, especially if they have people they can depend on to bail them out...
I would have been irate if I helped a friend pay their utility bills and then they started spending money on things that I certainly couldn't afford (Coach bags, weekly manicures, etc) instead of paying me back. I probably would do something childish and petty like send a letter with that information to her mother, minister and to her boss.
Last edited by germaine2626; 05-24-2013 at 06:31 PM..
We've all been there at one time another, In debt, owe more than we can afford on credit cards, bit off too much than what we could chew, etc., including myself. But now, I am financially free, after owing about $13,000 in credit card debt. I was able to land a part time job for 2yrs. to help pay it off. as well as sock some $$$ money away in my savings.....Lesson learned with that situation. I more conscious of how they way I spend/save money. Here the deal, my very best friend has hit me up for money. She wants to borrow about $200.00...I really dont want to loan her the money, as I think that she needs to learn financial reponsibility like I did...I let her borrow $140.00 last year and she did pay me back after about a month. But I feel bad about saying no to her as she is my best friend. I just see a lot of my old self in her, as far as the shopping sprees/eating out/vacations/that she tries to take, knowing she can't afford it.....What would you do?
I would tell her that I had worked very hard to get out of debt by getting a second job and by drastically cutting down on my expenses. I would then offer to help her look for a part time job.
Now my answer may be different if it was for a medical emergency or something like that but because someone is in debt because of shopping sprees, eating out and taking expensive vacations absolutely no way would I loan that person money.
There are things that can be done about bounced checks.
I once thought certified bank checks were better than cash. Boy was I wrong. I sold an old car and accepted a cashier's check. When I went to their bank to cash it I was told they had put a stop payment on the check. I know there are counterfeit bills but I'd want cash or a postal money order.
I once thought certified bank checks were better than cash. Boy was I wrong. I sold an old car and accepted a cashier's check. When I went to their bank to cash it I was told they had put a stop payment on the check. I know there are counterfeit bills but I'd want cash or a postal money order.
I said if I loaned money to a friend.
Meaning that I hand them money (Or a check) and get back a check for the balance.
I don't deposit it, and give it back to them (Or cash it) when they have the cash or say to cash it.
Not perfect, but it's something.
Agreed, if I am selling something... it's cash all the way.
I would have been irate if I helped a friend pay their utility bills and then they started spending money on things that I certainly couldn't afford (Coach bags, weekly manicures, etc) instead of paying me back. I probably would do something childish and petty like send a letter with that information to her mother, minister and to her boss.
Pretty much owed all those people money, too. We were still friends when I caught wind of that, they owe family member thousands of dollars....
Deadbeats.
And she begged me to cosign a loan for a car she bought anyway... and surprise! They repo'ed it. (No -- didn't cosign -- I'm nice, not stupid)
I really dont know where the money will be going....but I do know that she is having some financial difficulty due from overspending on credit cards and trying to take vacations. For instance, I know she struggled to go to Aruba last year, because the $140 i lended her last year went on her power bill. Now she is planning a trip to Puerto Rico in June, as well as trip to Scottsdale in August. Im trying to help her not to be so dependent on credit cards...I must say, when I became debt free, it felt like a ton of bricks had been lifted off of me.....and you begin to see things more clearly.
Tell her about your situation, make it very detailed and long and drawn out. She needs to hear how tough it can be but that it can be done and then gently tell her no.
She needs to use those vacation savings first to pay bills and then if there is any thing left over she can put towards vacations.
I loaned money to a friend once. It wasn't a great experience and I learned from it. Now anytime a friend (or family member) needs to borrow money, I just gift it to them as long as I feel they will be responsible with it (and within reason). It's so much smoother that way.
Sadly, this is why, we change friends as we get older. I am more comfortable with someone I can goto llunch with, and know they can afford it. I had a friend for many years, we took different paths, and she did other have a successful career, she was always broke, wanting gas money, always some drama, and when we went out, I often picked up the check.
Having a broke friend, they end up costing you more than just loans. If you really look at it.
Pretty much owed all those people money, too. We were still friends when I caught wind of that, they owe family member thousands of dollars....
Deadbeats.
And she begged me to cosign a loan for a car she bought anyway... and surprise! They repo'ed it. (No -- didn't cosign -- I'm nice, not stupid)
The same friend who didn't pay me back the money I lent, also asked me to cosign for him. Thank God I didn't!!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
