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Have your parents actually told you "We're going to spend as much money as we want on whatever we want and we don't care if we go broke in our old age because we expect you to support us."
If they have said that, sure, you have a right to be upset. Go ahead and tell them you're not okay with that idea and won't agree to it.
If they haven't said that, mind your own business and let them spend as they wish. There are no guarantees in life. Maybe they will both die young and not reach retirement age. Maybe they want to enjoy their life and money while they have the chance. If they do reach old age and have money problems, they will deal with it as millions of other people have. You're not obligated to support them if they fritter their money and have financial problems. Sounds like you're stressing too much over this.
Have your parents actually told you "We're going to spend as much money as we want on whatever we want and we don't care if we go broke in our old age because we expect you to support us."
If they have said that, sure, you have a right to be upset. Go ahead and tell them you're not okay with that idea and won't agree to it.
If they haven't said that, mind your own business and let them spend as they wish. There are no guarantees in life. Maybe they will both die young and not reach retirement age. Maybe they want to enjoy their life and money while they have the chance. If they do reach old age and have money problems, they will deal with it as millions of other people have. You're not obligated to support them if they fritter their money and have financial problems. Sounds like you're stressing too much over this.
It's the former. They haven't been that direct, but my parents have a way of communicating things they expect/want in a passive aggressive way, so the writing is clearly on the wall.
I've tried to drop hints in a very tactful and subtle way, usually by just bringing up stuff like how people are struggling these days, especially seniors who haven't saved enough, telling them about how I'm saving for my own retirement, etc. Goes completely over their heads, and they will usually say something like "we don't have to worry, we have you".
I have not told them I'm not ok with that though, as I'm wrestling with this whole thing right now.
To add, they're already pumping me for money now. I'm not wealthy by any means, I have my own money problems. A couple of years ago they said they were having some short-term money issues, so I sent them $1000 (a lot of money for me then and now to be honest). I found out later they used that to purchase a new stainless steel refrigerator to upgrade their kitchen. that was what started this whole thing.
OP is the reason why i tell my wife, not to spend too much money on my kids, because they will think and act like the OP when they get older anyways. Only think for themselves.
I tell my wife, we should save more for our retirements and have the kids borrow student loans if they choose to go to college.
Yes, we made the choice to have kids, but we are not obligate to help them with their college, weddings or when they want to move back home if they lose their jobs.
The fact is they haven't ask you for a penny, and yet you are having sleepless nights thinking how to protect yourself financially from your parents. The same people that spent money and sleepless nights to raise you for how many years?
If your parents give you unconditional love, you should give unconditional love back to your parents.
haha look at this person. wishes to give "unconditional love" and "limited financial help" but wants "unconditional love" and "all the financial help needed" when he may be the one needing help. i also like the use of phrases that the OP didnt use in order to overly dramatize his situation. i dont recall the OP saying that he has "sleepless nights."
anyway, i think you should talk to your parents about saving for retirement and maybe try to get them to sit down with a professional about it. ultimately, if they need help in their later years; you will have to decide what help you are willing to give. id say you do have an obligation to help them and maybe all you can do is help sign them up for public assistance or maybe you can help financially. it depends on what you can afford to do without sacrificing more than you are comfortable with.
I would NOT give them any money! Tell them you don't have it.
I would try to sit down and talk to them, OP. In a nice way of course. It might backfire, but this is obviously on your mind. Tell them you are concerned about them and you want to see that they are taken care of as they age. Tell them you are concerned about how they will be taken care of, and you don't feel you will have the money for that. Let them know that you hope they will live to be 100, but many times as people get into their late 80's and early 90's, healthcare and help isn't cheap. You know you will have to work long hours (and what about a family of your own?) you know you can't be 100% available with a disposable income, and you feel they need to make sure they have good savings and retirement, and you are available to help go over things if you want.
I don't subscribe to "it is their business they can do what they want" attitude completely. After all you are their child. Who better to bring to their attention things like this than you.
Talk to them in a more sensible way how you have a concern in their spending and worry that they may not have enough money later in life. One of the responders said "you would help them in filing paper work for food stamp later in life." Why not help them NOW to make sound financial decision than later. There are many who do not care if their parents fall into bad situation after spending their money unwisely. I am not one of those. Even if they made a wrong decision, I will be there for them in hard times, if I can. There are people who are wired like that. There are others who have the courage to do otherwise. I would as well help them now and hope I don't need to help them later just like what you are thinking here, IMO, to each his own.
haha look at this person. wishes to give "unconditional love" and "limited financial help" but wants "unconditional love" and "all the financial help needed" when he may be the one needing help. i also like the use of phrases that the OP didnt use in order to overly dramatize his situation. i dont recall the OP saying that he has "sleepless nights."
anyway, i think you should talk to your parents about saving for retirement and maybe try to get them to sit down with a professional about it. ultimately, if they need help in their later years; you will have to decide what help you are willing to give. id say you do have an obligation to help them and maybe all you can do is help sign them up for public assistance or maybe you can help financially. it depends on what you can afford to do without sacrificing more than you are comfortable with.
haha, I add that in but the OP is serious very concerned about parents asking him for money.
I would agree with this. Please don't leave them homeless, at the least food and shelter.
Quote:
"It depends on what you can afford to do without sacrificing more than you are comfortable with."
Count -- have you asked them if they expect you to pony up?
If your mother is open to talking about finances, you have a perfect window for it. Don't turn this into a accusatory fight -- start out by saying you've read this about someone or someone you know had to help their parents because they got ripped off or they thought there was a huge inheritance and they got squat, and ask. Just talk.
It's the former. They haven't been that direct, but my parents have a way of communicating things they expect/want in a passive aggressive way, so the writing is clearly on the wall.
I've tried to drop hints in a very tactful and subtle way, usually by just bringing up stuff like how people are struggling these days, especially seniors who haven't saved enough, telling them about how I'm saving for my own retirement, etc. Goes completely over their heads, and they will usually say something like "we don't have to worry, we have you".
I have not told them I'm not ok with that though, as I'm wrestling with this whole thing right now.
I think you need to!
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