Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It sounds like you made sacrifices so he could advance in his career, then he tried to penalize you for not earning as much as he did. There are lots of women out there who work part time jobs or stay home, so their husband can advance in their careers; but the men fail to realize this or appreciate the sacrifices made on their behalf. Then they complain when the wife gets half of everything in the divorce and the men scream "but it's all mine!!! I made more money than she did!!" I don't feel sorry for these men. They were propped up in their careers by their wives, in most cases.
I have dozens of emails from the stbx telling me he needs me, can't function without me, life isn't worth living when I'm not there, etc. During the marriage I performed invaluable services for him. He never had to lift a finger when he wasn't at work and he certainly never volunteered. I did everything or it wouldn't have gotten done. I spent three years renovating HIS house because he claimed he couldn't do it and work too. Because of that I missed out on $100,000 of sales from my business and got NOTHING for all that work. He sold that house for $1 million.
This is the same guy who will say, when it comes to mediation:
Quote:
"but it's all mine!!! I made more money than she did!!"
I spent the entire marriage propping him up. I was a fool.
Last edited by fluffythewondercat; 01-22-2020 at 08:01 PM..
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,584,857 times
Reputation: 7613
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4
People are idiots at picking good spouses and then blame the entire other gender when it blows up in their face.
Brilliant.
Ita with this....AND it leaves them with a lot of baggage & jaded or selfish feelings.
The most important thing is that you share views & goals AND you both contribute. It’s probably a good idea to have a personal yours & mine account...AND then most of it is ours. No one should be making all the decisions about the money IMO...because it’s too controlling except for investments where one of them knows more & has a lot more.
What I remember from my ex is "I earn all this money so I deserve . . . insert whatever." Yes, he earned 2/3 of our income. But I worked too as a teacher, and I worked hard.
So he felt like what he earned was his after a certain point. I remember him saying that HE needed nice clothes. He meant he needed suits, etc., and I didn't. But really? That wording?
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,584,857 times
Reputation: 7613
Quote:
Originally Posted by SouthernSusana
What I remember from my ex is "I earn all this money so I deserve . . . insert whatever." Yes, he earned 2/3 of our income. But I worked too as a teacher, and I worked hard.
So he felt like what he earned was his after a certain point. I remember him saying that HE needed nice clothes. He meant he needed suits, etc., and I didn't. But really? That wording?
Works both ways.
Ita this sounds super petty....about clothes both of you need for work. Why wouldn’t both of you just get what you need...from personal accounts if you want. It shouldn’t matter if you’re a teacher or a principal or a Uber driver or a paralegal IMO.....edit: or if you worked from home & he didnt. It’s still basic needs.
Last edited by TashaPosh; 01-14-2021 at 05:06 PM..
However, I hear from MANY males that their spouse likes to use this line all the time. T
No wonder the divorce rate is over 50%. Selfish ******.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pitt Chick
I hear people say that (usually a male on the internet!), but I know of no one is real life where that is true.
Quote:
Originally Posted by packer43064
I don't know anyone who really lives this way. We have a joint account, we share willingly.
Sent from my SGH-T839 using Tapatalk 2
Quote:
Originally Posted by lmw36
Anyone who married somebody so selfish probably ignored the signs or didn't get proper premarital counseling.
Well, I'm that someone no one has heard of, but I'm a female and it was my husband who insisted my salary go into a joint account while all his assets were kept separately. I was young and stupid when I got married, not so young but only a little smarter when I got out.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,584,857 times
Reputation: 7613
Quote:
Originally Posted by lmw36
I guess people can flip, but I have a hard time believing this happens all that often, or that you couldn't see it coming before the wedding. Selfish is selfish.
Ita...I don’t know how somebody couldn’t see it coming..if you take the time to pay attention. The biggest mistake IMO is rushing into a marriage...like I did with my ex because he was about to be transferred to another state. Time is your friend so that you get to know his friends & family AND you are able to see if they are selfish...bitter...or jaded AND how they are with money. It works both ways ofc.
It’s also super important to talk about money before you get married....& how you plan to divide up the responsibilities.
I don't see where OP has a problem. All he has to do is to never get married. Not that any sane woman would marry a misogynist, anyway, so really, everyone should be happy about it. Win win, all the way around.
Ita...I don’t know how somebody couldn’t see it coming..if you take the time to pay attention. The biggest mistake IMO is rushing into a marriage...like I did with my ex because he was about to be transferred to another state. Time is your friend so that you get to know his friends & family AND you are able to see if they are selfish...bitter...or jaded AND how they are with money. It works both ways ofc.
It’s also super important to talk about money before you get married....& how you plan to divide up the responsibilities.
When I saw this happening, it is usually after people have been married for some time or circumstances change. With one, it happened when they both agreed she would stay at home with the kids a few years. With another, she went from being the primary breadwinner for over a decade to having a less stressful/lower paying career.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,584,857 times
Reputation: 7613
Quote:
Originally Posted by RamenAddict
When I saw this happening, it is usually after people have been married for some time or circumstances change. With one, it happened when they both agreed she would stay at home with the kids a few years. With another, she went from being the primary breadwinner for over a decade to having a less stressful/lower paying career.
IMO tho...couples aren’t going to go from loving & unselfish...to selfish & bitter ...without other stuff going on in the relationship. Lots of times it’s not about the money....it’s hurt feelings or anger & they use money as a way to control.
My wife and I married when on our mid-30's. We both had lives before including checking accounts. After marriage we kept separate checking accounts. We would sit and discuss who was to pay what (joint expenses, such as what to put into our mutual investments), but we did not pay each others personal bills. While we never knew exactly what each other had in their account, neither was hiding anything. Sometimes we borrowed form each other. Worked well for us. We retired financially comfortable at age 62.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Ita with this....AND it leaves them with a lot of baggage & jaded or selfish feelings. 
Why wouldn’t both of you just get what you need...from personal accounts if you want. It shouldn’t matter if you’re a teacher or a principal or a Uber driver or a paralegal IMO.....edit: or if you worked from home & he didnt. It’s still basic needs.
