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There are a whole lot of parents that are hopelessly clueless about how paying for college really works. Frankly most high school guidance counselor are not very helpful either. Some colleges, especially those that do work hard to attract really talented students, are pretty good about laying out the specifics of how much aid will be expected to be loans vs grants depending on NEED and "student desirability" which is a very complex thing as many schools have different criterion for different programs.
The OP should realize the other moms, unless they work for a college financial aid office, and almost certsinly CLUELESS and it is pointless to let them "get to her". Start with resources that are specific to financial aid. Focus on the legitmate companies that provide independent analysis of 529 plans, from their look at the resources that compare the various offerings that some private organizations make for talented students. My kids finished their degrees from top colleges with extremely minimal debt by wisely seeking out a wide range of scholarships, grants and attended well priced colleges with superior repuatation for the fields they entered...
There are lots of folks that go to schools like Northwestern and make great connections to legitmate theater and if they have the ability to leverage those connections they can make a solid living in NY or LA or Chicago. Look at the alumni of some of these programs. Saying a school has a 100% placement rating for theater education majors and then finding out half the kids are working for YMCA camps and living in a free dorm/cabin miles from civilation is not the same as really getting paid a fair salary!
So last week I bumped into the Moms of one of my daughter's best friends. Both our girls are Juniors in HS. I invited them to go with us to an Open House event at a large state university. One mom said "Oh State U is not on our list" and I said "Well, it isn't on my DDs either but she really wants to go to NYU and I can't afford that" and the other mom says both her daughters go there and with the financial aid they just determine what the family can pay, then they cover the rest of it, so it doesn't matter if you go to a $30K per year school or a $66k per year school because you only end up paying what you can afford.
I was somewhat taken aback by this because I'm pretty sure that financial aid package includes loans, PLUS my ex husband makes a very good salary but now has 4 children to support (only two of those are mine) PLUS im in a part time assistant position (temporarily) and my contracted salary is very low. Even if I get the promotion I'm applying for I still will need a couple years to get back on track financially. PLUS< who is to say what we can and cannot afford? I have retirement assets I don't want to touch but they will count as assets.
I said "And since she wants to be a theater ed major, she does not need to graduate with a lot of debt, and one mom says "Well that's why my daughter isn't allowed to major in theater!"
So I said something else about the loans and they just blew that off like it was nothing and I said "No, you don't understand, I can't afford to put the child on the BUS to send her to New York City."
they were not trying to be rude or catty at all, they are very nice gals with three terrific kids between them and they know nothing of my financial situation, but I excused myself and went to try not to cry! Suddenly I felt like the worst mom in the world for not sending my kid to NYU!
So someone please step in here and tell me I'm not crazy for wanting to A) keep my daughter reasonably close to home and B) Not graduate with a boatload of debt or C) go live in NYC! or D) Bankrupt me in the process of getting a college degree!
I just feel that if I'm to support her dream of being a theater education major which will have a mediocre career path at best, the part of her dream that includes living in NY (which, quite frankly is because she wants to be 'discovered' and become a star so that she won't actually have to be a HS Drama teacher) is going to have to be the part of the cake that doesn't get eaten.
Not only are you not a bad mother, there should be more mothers who think as you do.
Of the two people I know who went to NYU from CA I(film, theater) both regret it. They are now mid-late 20's and scrambling for work like all the people who didn't got to college at all. Art college is the same, those people who spent 100k on something and are now doing the same work as my public school educated kid who doesn't have big loans. Some people justify it by wanting their kids to meet the right people or have the "experience" of living somewhere or around certain things. That's got nothing to do with formal education however.
I'm not sure a fancy name on a diploma means a whole lot to anyone in the entertainment industry.
So someone please step in here and tell me I'm not crazy for wanting to A) keep my daughter reasonably close to home and B) Not graduate with a boatload of debt or C) go live in NYC! or D) Bankrupt me in the process of getting a college degree!
.
You're not crazy.
A) You most CERTAINLY ARE justified in determining if you daughter is emotionally and financially ready to move to NYC. Especially since YOU ARE PAYING. (you as in family etc)
B) Not graduate with a boatload of debt has to be YOUR concern since we see NOW, what happens to people WITH a boatload of debt complaining about their poor choices and paying off the debt till they're 45 years OLD!
C) See A)
D) Bankrupt you? Not on your life!
The current winner of TV's RuPauls Drag Race, a trained working professional actor with NARCOLEPSY, worked FULL TIME as a school janitor while attending Cornish College of the Arts as a Theater Major and graduated Summa *** Laude. With ~some~ family help and loans. But he stated he could NEVER have attended had he not been an employee.
Let her have skin in the game but not enough for the TWO of you to be in ball and chain forever.
We also hear the refrain "my parents were idiots and didn't know how to coach me blah blah blah".
Her brain doesn't stop growing until age 26. Keep being the adult!
If she has the talent and drive she'll figure out how to WORK because she will not be able to LIVE without her art. IF she's a true artist!
The not thinking you can afford NYU is valid. The wanting her to go somewhere close to home is unfair to her. If she wants to go to school 2000 miles away from her home state, let her at least make that decision. Yeah, OOS tuition may be a lot, but grants and scholarships should cover a decent amount, as long as it's a public school. And she could work part-time.
I dunno, I just kinda find it selfish for parents to dictate if their kid goes out of state for college or not, if it's not a money related reason. My mom guilt tripped me into going to an in state school (not for money reasons but for "safety" reasons), and I really wished I hadn't listened to her, so it hits close to home for me.
The not thinking you can afford NYU is valid. The wanting her to go somewhere close to home is unfair to her. If she wants to go to school 2000 miles away from her home state, let her at least make that decision. Yeah, OOS tuition may be a lot, but grants and scholarships should cover a decent amount, as long as it's a public school. And she could work part-time.
I dunno, I just kinda find it selfish for parents to dictate if their kid goes out of state for college or not, if it's not a money related reason. My mom guilt tripped me into going to an in state school (not for money reasons but for "safety" reasons), and I really wished I hadn't listened to her, so it hits close to home for me.
She would probably have more success with grants and scholarships at a private school out of state then a state school. They simply have more money to give. I agree that limiting where she can go is selfish though.
Major in theater?? Music?? paid $150k for 4 year of college? probably ending up getting paid $30-$40k per year for a very long timer after graduation?
Your kids are making a mistake that a lot of kids are making and regretting it, they blame their parents not stopping them because they were financial "virgins".
I would say get first 2 years from a community college and enroll them into ivy leagues, and skip NYU, it's over-priced and not worth the cost.
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