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It's more social stigma that weddings need to be elaborate. Watch tv and every wedding you see involves a big hall, 200+ guests! expensive dresses and flowers, etc. etc.
Women grow up wanting a fairy tale wedding, and unfortunately many men go along with this to keep her happy. After all, a woman spends months searching for the perfect dress, while the man rents his a couple weeks beforehand.
I've been to a few sub $10k weddings. Honestly, they were the most fun because they strayed off the beaten path. I've done one wedding that was a lakeside house that was rented for weekend. 100 guests partying on a lake in summer was probably one of the best weddings I've ever attended. The ceremony was done on a local mountain with an awesome view. It sounds "hick" but it gave me a new perspective on what a fun wedding could be. It was thinking outside of the box.
I've also done a Las Vegas destination wedding where 20-25 people went. Total cost to the bride and groom was around $8k. Again....one of the most fun weddings I've been to.
Those two weddings were cheap, but ones I remember very well and would gladly attend again. Personally, I'd rather apply the cost of a wedding to a house. I'd rather contribute positively to my future life with my wife then start it debt. At the same time, I want to have a decent party with my friends and that would involve me and my future wife looking hard at our finances and making a decision that works for us. I have no debt, and own a house already...so I might say that $10k is a decent budget for us.
EXACTLY how I feel as well. Unfortunately this is a hugely minority opinion. I told my GF that if we were to get married I would like to not exceed a budget of $10k and that would mean a simplistic wedding. I feel this budget is PLENTY to have a gathering, minister and invite people and feed them. There is no need for all this show etc. I don't want expensive venues, ridiculously indulgent food, flowers marked up 1000% etc. I refuse to pay for any of that nonsense. This has resulted in arguments between us. She has a hugely different philosophy and says if I contribute $10k then it's fine and she will find an additional $10k elsewhere - perhaps from her mom or she will save up for it. But she has debts to pay off as well (car and student loan) so it's a misuse of money in my opinion. Besides, even if the additional $10k is not coming out of my pocket I still am not agreeable for my potential partner to be squandering money on this when there is much better use for the money.
As I said $10k is plenty and I have been generous enough to absorb the total cost. In addition there is already the ring ($3k) and honeymoon which will be $3-4k so it's still quite an expense for just one event. All her friends have had $20-30,000 weddings so my hunch is that she feels a pressure to keep up - she will not admit this but that is my gut feeling, and that is a really bad sign in itself. I am a pretty simple guy, I make 6 digits yet drive a 10 year old truck that is worth only $5k when in reality I could be driving a brand new Porsche. I spend my money on things that are useful to me, mostly learning new things, my hobbies etc. I never spend money on show and flash and I am vehemently opposed to display of wealth for the purpose of vanity.
My philosophy is that having a $20k+ wedding is for pure vanity purposes because it's not necessary for a celebration with 100 people to cost that much, $10k is plenty. But people laugh when I say a 100 person wedding can be done on $10k even in Southern California. Well, I know someone who threw a birthday party recently in a good venue and invited 100 people and it cost them only $2k. So $10k is 5x that, I am at a loss why a wedding cannot be done for that figure? As I said everything is ridiculously marked up the moment you mention wedding, the industry is rigged and the whole thing is for nothing but vanity.
I'm glad there are some people here that agree with me, because I am constantly made to feel by people here that my philosophy on this is bizzare and ridiculous.
See, the problem is that even if she agrees to have a $10k wedding she may be very resentful that I didn't go the extra step to make her special day the way she wanted and that dynamic would not be good to start a marriage on... that do you think?
You see, if I had my choice I would just get married in a courthouse and then throw a party later at my place... so for me having a $10k affair itself is fancy, not imagine someone saying even that is not enough and it has to be double that and then saying that $20k is actually a cheap wedding since most of her friends' weddings were in the $30k range.
I seriously recommend you postpone that wedding. She sounds like a spoiled pampered princess who will always go running to her parents for money and they'll all override you any time you try to show financial restraint.
I must be old or my family/friends are odd. Why are you paying for this entire wedding? Traditionally, the bride's family pays for much of the wedding, especially if the bride is young and living with her parents. The groom has already paid for the ring and pays for the honeymoon. His family pays for the bar -- at least that's how tradition works in my part of the world.
If the bride is older and independent of her parents then the couple pays for the wedding together, possibly with some financial contributions from one or both sides of the family. The groom does not pay for the entire wedding!
Moreover, if you think your fiance will be resentful that you don't ante up for more money for a fancier party, perhaps you should reconsider marriage. At best, she sounds immature.
- My GF is Asian and she states that in HER culture the groom pays for the wedding
- She is 33 but has $7k in savings, a $15k car loan and a $13k student loan so in effect her net worth is negative.
- Her dad is no longer there and her mom is not in great financial shape so no contribution from them. Even more of a reason to trim down the budget.
- She does not have an expectation that I will pay for the whole thing, she will save up for it and pay half but I am still against it because after she pays half she will not have much in the bank and the half that she pays is better used to pay off her student loan and pay down her car. Makes sense?
I have no debts and have a net worth in the low 6 digits due to being conservative in my spending relative to my income and normally I would refuse to date or marry anyone with debt but I have made an exception to this due to the fact that she paid off her $5k credit card balance and has managed to save a few $$ in the bank...still not enough in my opinion but better than nothing. In addition the debt is car and student which is better than credit card debt but it is still debt nonetheless... and needs to be aggressively paid off.
BTW, when I say marriage, we are talking about marriage but I have NOT proposed yet!!!
- My GF is Asian and she states that in HER culture the groom pays for the wedding
- She is 33 but has $7k in savings, a $15k car loan and a $13k student loan so in effect her net worth is negative.
- Her dad is no longer there and her mom is not in great financial shape so no contribution from them. Even more of a reason to trim down the budget.
- She does not have an expectation that I will pay for the whole thing, she will save up for it and pay half but I am still against it because after she pays half she will not have much in the bank and the half that she pays is better used to pay off her student loan and pay down her car. Makes sense?
I have no debts and have a net worth in the low 6 digits due to being conservative in my spending relative to my income and normally I would refuse to date or marry anyone with debt but I have made an exception to this due to the fact that she paid off her $5k credit card balance and has managed to save a few $$ in the bank...still not enough in my opinion but better than nothing. In addition the debt is car and student which is better than credit card debt but it is still debt nonetheless... and needs to be aggressively paid off.
BTW, when I say marriage, we are talking about marriage but I have NOT proposed yet!!!
Odd... maybe it's her nationality but my wife is asian and in her culture, the bride pays for the wedding.
I know someone currently planning a wedding in NYC with about 150 guests and they're trying to get it under $10k (not including the engagement ring or honeymoon). The food alone (having a mid-range restaurant deliver in aluminum trays and laid out on a table buffet-style, with no servers) will be around $6000 alone. The reception will be in the basement of the church where they're having the ceremony, with fold-out tables and chairs, and alcohol will be provided via a Costco run. When you take that $6000 and then throw in the fees/donations for the officiant/church, a few cases of alcohol, a photographer, wedding dress, rehearsal dinner, flowers, etc and you can get to $10000 really quickly in New York.
Odd... maybe it's her nationality but my wife is asian and in her culture, the bride pays for the wedding.
I'm curious, what nationality is she? I'm familiar with Chinese, Vietnamese and Filipino customs and traditionally the groom's side pays for the actual wedding, although these days hardly anyone ever follows that custom.
I've been to all sorts of weddings from fancy high end 3 day affairs to cake and punch in the church basement things. It's just to witness people who know and love get married, that's it. The expectations people have (both the bride and groom AND the guests) are ridiculous in most cases. I don't get it but it won't stop me from attending any shindig I'm invited too, even if my gift isn't going to cover the cost of my dinner
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Traditionally, the bride's family pays for much of the wedding, especially if the bride is young and living with her parents. The groom has already paid for the ring and pays for the honeymoon. His family pays for the bar -- at least that's how tradition works in my part of the world.
