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So I'm a sahm too, I love it and I think if you can afford it and want to stay at home you should. However, I also have taken steps to protect myself, I think there has to be a balance of some kind.
I have a bachelors degree from an excellent college in finance and almost a decade of work experience. I handle all of our family's finances in addition to the other stay at home mom stuff. I think every woman has to have a post high school education of some kind.
I contribute annually to my own IRA.
I have enormous amounts of life insurance and long term disability insurance on my husband. If something happens to him I still never have to work again.
We have a post nuptial agreement that we did when we did our wills. It just basically says that half of everything is mine should we divorce outside of child support.
Finally, any decision is based somewhat upon risk. I love my husband, we made the decision to focus on his career together and having me stay at home has made it possible for us to move around the country, for him to travel constantly, and frankly for us to have a more relaxed life. It isn't for everyone but it's been the right decision for us.
This is very similar to my situation. I went to college and had over 10 years of work experience before staying home with my kids. I did have to work when my two youngest were babies and toddlers. It was such a ridiculous shuffle with his traveling AND a move across the country to a place we didn't know a sole. We waited until we could safely afford for me to stay home but it became a goal as soon as we recognized how hard it was for both of us to "do it all". We have learned to manage our money very well. I handle all the finances and am not twiddling my thumbs and given some type of "allowance." I actually put my husband on an allowance sometimes because I am so on top of our spending. We have ample life and disability insurance so if something did happen to him it would not be necessary for me to work--although I probably would.
This works well for now. When my youngest goes to kindergarten I may revisit taking on a part time job but only if it does not interfere with me being able to run the day to day household stuff with three kids. If my husband did lose his job for some reason and we needed the money I would definitely be jumping back in the workforce without looking back. I do keep connections to make this possible as a back up plan.
Contrary to popular belief, many stay at home moms are actually pretty on top of their finances and the "big picture" and most have a plan "B" or plan "C" if their current situation changes. The majority of the stay at home moms I know also manage the household finances.
It makes me sad to read all of these cynical responses about having faith and trust in your spouse. There are many great men and women out there and I think most are actually good people. Bad things do happen all the time in relationships but to go into a marriage assuming your spouse is going to cheat on you, leave you penniless or do something awful is just a bad way to approach a relationship.
This is very similar to my situation. I went to college and had over 10 years of work experience before staying home with my kids. I did have to work when my two youngest were babies and toddlers. It was such a ridiculous shuffle with his traveling AND a move across the country to a place we didn't know a sole. We waited until we could safely afford for me to stay home but it became a goal as soon as we recognized how hard it was for both of us to "do it all". We have learned to manage our money very well. I handle all the finances and am not twiddling my thumbs and given some type of "allowance." I actually put my husband on an allowance sometimes because I am so on top of our spending. We have ample life and disability insurance so if something did happen to him it would not be necessary for me to work--although I probably would.
This works well for now. When my youngest goes to kindergarten I may revisit taking on a part time job but only if it does not interfere with me being able to run the day to day household stuff with three kids. If my husband did lose his job for some reason and we needed the money I would definitely be jumping back in the workforce without looking back. I do keep connections to make this possible as a back up plan.
Contrary to popular belief, many stay at home moms are actually pretty on top of their finances and the "big picture" and most have a plan "B" or plan "C" if their current situation changes. The majority of the stay at home moms I know also manage the household finances.
It makes me sad to read all of these cynical responses about having faith and trust in your spouse. There are many great men and women out there and I think most are actually good people. Bad things do happen all the time in relationships but to go into a marriage assuming your spouse is going to cheat on you, leave you penniless or do something awful is just a bad way to approach a relationship.
I also object to the insinuation that women who stay home are stupid or naive...
clearly this individual hasn't been around too many stay-at-home mothers!
I also object to the insinuation that women who stay home are stupid or naive...
clearly this individual hasn't been around too many stay-at-home mothers!
"The ones who follow the rules and meet themselves at the schools, to busy to know that they're fools. Aren't they a gem? Let's all drink to them!" *LOL*
"The ones who follow the rules and meet themselves at the schools, to busy to know that they're fools. Aren't they a gem? Let's all drink to them!" *LOL*
Recall that Joanne eventually has a moment of blinding self-awareness after her insulting little ditty.
Very interesting thread. This book, still in print, is a good answer to those who think that staying out of the workforce long term is a good idea. The author argues that one's education goes down the toilet when you don't allow yourself to flourish in society; as well as setting a dubious example for your children by willfully withholding one's labor from the pool, not to mention from the tax base and the GDP.
Please know that there's no intention to beat up on parents who wish to stay home with the little one/s for a few years. But the key phrase is a few years! It's idiotic on every level to be a house&husband barnacle, just because the teenagers "neeeeeeed me!"
Very interesting thread. This book, still in print, is a good answer to those who think that staying out of the workforce long term is a good idea. The author argues that one's education goes down the toilet when you don't allow yourself to flourish in society; as well as setting a dubious example for your children by willfully withholding one's labor from the pool, not to mention from the tax base and the GDP.
Please know that there's no intention to beat up on parents who wish to stay home with the little one/s for a few years. But the key phrase is a few years! It's idiotic on every level to be a house&husband barnacle, just because the teenagers "neeeeeeed me!"
Ah, yes, Linda Hirschman. I knew it was that book even before I clicked the link.
"The ones who follow the rules and meet themselves at the schools, to busy to know that they're fools. Aren't they a gem? Let's all drink to them!" *LOL*
Was that supposed to mean something? Well, I had to look that one up.. Barbara Streisand, huh? Before my time.
I spent the better part of 7 years debating about if I should stay home or not and since I think the best way of knowing is by experience and experimentation I tried on many hats: I worked full-time, I worked part-time, I was a part-time student and I've been a stay-at-home mom. I figured out that no matter what I did, there was always some sort of compromise or sacrifice. When I was at home I sacrificed public discourse, prestige, income and self-worth, but I gained happy and tidy home, stability, and freedom. When I worked I sacrificed time with my kids and my husband, but most importantly for me, I had to compromise my intense and devote commitment to green living. It's interesting to me how we have yet to make the connection between dual income families/couples and consumption. For the overwhelming majority of individuals, this doesn't matter.. but for a few of us, it makes all the difference.
You see, I don't follow all that moral obligation BS that it's the woman's place to be at home. If the table was turned in my household and it was I who had all the intellectual and social capital, heck ye-ah I'd be out there taking on the world and let my husband paint the guest room and bake the muffins. Oh well.
But as hard to believe as it might be, I stay at home because I'm concerned about overconsumption and mismanagement of planetary resources. I'm worried about the acidification of the oceans, I'm worried about plastics and endocrinology, I'm worried about climate change.. and as far as I can judge, most of it is due to the "convenience lifestyle". So I try to live with less convenience and less stuff.
Very interesting thread. This book, still in print, is a good answer to those who think that staying out of the workforce long term is a good idea. The author argues that one's education goes down the toilet when you don't allow yourself to flourish in society; as well as setting a dubious example for your children by willfully withholding one's labor from the pool, not to mention from the tax base and the GDP.
Please know that there's no intention to beat up on parents who wish to stay home with the little one/s for a few years. But the key phrase is a few years! It's idiotic on every level to be a house&husband barnacle, just because the teenagers "neeeeeeed me!"
Hmmm well I'm guessing I'm better educated then many working parents because I have the time to read a lot and I do. I flourish just fine in society by volunteering at various charities, sitting on the school board and doing the bookkeeping for a nonprofit, as well as writing the budget for our local library. As for the example I set for my children, well I've taught them that community involvement is important, family is important, education is important, and getting to go to the beach all summer cause your mom doesn't work is awesome.
I'm under no assumption that I couldn't work or that my teenagers will need me. But not working is great for my family, we can certainly afford it and it really isn't any of your business anyway.
Very interesting thread. This book, still in print, is a good answer to those who think that staying out of the workforce long term is a good idea. The author argues that one's education goes down the toilet when you don't allow yourself to flourish in society; as well as setting a dubious example for your children by willfully withholding one's labor from the pool, not to mention from the tax base and the GDP.
Please know that there's no intention to beat up on parents who wish to stay home with the little one/s for a few years. But the key phrase is a few years! It's idiotic on every level to be a house&husband barnacle, just because the teenagers "neeeeeeed me!"
but why have two people in a household work when one's income covers all they need? idk about you but i value my time! additional income over and above what a family needs to survive comfortably isn't going to make anyone happier.
obviously most couples won't really have a choice like this but when you do it seems silly to bash those who choose to have one person not work. not working =/= doing nothing.
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