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Old 05-13-2014, 01:15 AM
 
Location: Las Vegas
14,229 posts, read 29,915,686 times
Reputation: 27684

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I am sort of assuming the kids get gifts for birthdays/holidays etc from Dad and Grandma. I think I would tell the kids you have no money for 'extras' like their trips and tell them to ask for the trips as gifts. Instead of gifts they get the money. If the kids don't want to do this then they really didn't want to go that much. The money they make working for their Father needs to go towards the trips or their college fund. And they can start babysitting or mowing yards, shoveling snow, etc.

Kids need to understand economic realities and learn there isn't an endless supply of money. Have a family meeting and present Economics 101. Explain there is a budget and you have no choice but to stick to it. You work hard and you make what you make. Making less than your Ex is nothing to be ashamed of. Sounds like you have sacrificed a lot to allow the kids to live above their means. Not many single Moms can afford to send their kids on trips to Scotland and NYC.

Now is the time to take that other job and make more money. Don't keep on waiting. Those opportunities may be gone 4 or 5 years from now. Your Mom will be at lose ends after your Dad moves. She can most likely help some in the kid department. And don't be surprised if your kids step up to the plate and become much more responsible and aware. They may even start contributing a bit.
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Old 05-13-2014, 09:21 AM
 
Location: Mount Laurel
4,187 posts, read 11,870,722 times
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Not sure if you mentioned it. Are the kids working to earn spending money?

I started buying my own clothes by the time I was 14. If the kids haven't stepped up, it's time to.
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Old 05-13-2014, 11:31 AM
 
2,429 posts, read 4,000,036 times
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As for your original question: being 'tight' financially is not the same as "struggling."
And being tight or even a little bit of debt is worth a possibly once in a lifetime experience.

The NYC trip is to PERFORM at Carnegie Hall -- not see a show....but PERFORM there. Going to Scotland could open up all kinds of interests and worlds to your child. These are not run of the mill, go into debt for no reason kinds of things. IMO these things are WORTH the SHORT TERM struggle or even any nominal debt, that will likely be SHORT-LIVED.

I think you know what's best for you and your children, as far as making a little less now to spend more time with your kids. Brava for that.

COULD a major emergency happen yeah sure it COULD. Is it LIKELY? I'd say no. Also you are putting some money into retirement. so ABSOLUTE WORST case scenario you COULD cut back on your retirement savings to get you through many DIRE scenario the nay-sayers might come up with.

It sounds like you're basically OK with your choices. I think getting hit with two 'upcoming costs' just sort of feels like things piled on a bit.
Best of luck to you!
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Old 05-13-2014, 02:55 PM
 
Location: Maui County, HI
4,131 posts, read 7,408,060 times
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Yes you're struggling. It's called being poor
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Old 05-13-2014, 02:57 PM
 
Location: Maui County, HI
4,131 posts, read 7,408,060 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lowexpectations View Post
Write out a budget, Dave Ramsey has a detailed 4 page budget you should do it every month. Make a plan, do it every moth, build savings and your anxiety will fade
Give me a break. She already has a budget and lives very frugally.

The self help industry is full of ****.
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Old 05-13-2014, 03:15 PM
 
Location: Keosauqua, Iowa
9,611 posts, read 21,151,276 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by winkosmosis View Post
Give me a break. She already has a budget and lives very frugally.
She's actually posted very little information about her budget. She stated in one post that they probably spend to much on clothes, which suggests that she really doesn't have a budget.
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Old 05-13-2014, 03:39 PM
 
26,149 posts, read 21,383,244 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by winkosmosis View Post
Give me a break. She already has a budget and lives very frugally.

The self help industry is full of ****.


Well then the budget needs to be redone to address the lack of an emergency fund and fully funding retirement then it would be useful.

I'm not sure self help is what I'd call putting together a budget, reviewing often and sticking to it but if it is and that is "full of ****" I will take it because it's certainly led to me being much better off financially
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Old 05-13-2014, 06:44 PM
 
2,888 posts, read 6,509,196 times
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You sound like everyone else in this world, living paycheck to paycheck. The only difference is that you are aware of it. Now you need to fix it.

You have to say no to things you can't afford. The love of a mother is not measured by how much money is spent on the children. In the end, the best thing you can teach a child is how to take care of themselves - and that includes living within a budget. Otherwise, they will grow up believing that they are entitled to anything they want - and not understand that sacrifices need to be made. They need to babysit, mow lawns, clean gutters, shovel driveways to earn those trips.

As a child, a vacation was a week on the road driving to visit relatives. That consisted of eating sandwiches and water from the cooler in the back seat and sleeping in a sleeping bag at my grand parents. When your kids are gone, you can dream of a real vacation.

I would plan a budget with your kids. Set how much money they get each month. That will cover clothes, food for school, fees for activities, performance trips, EVERYTHING. Then let them figure out how they want to spend it. It can be quite an eye opener for them.
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Old 05-13-2014, 06:49 PM
 
Location: Maui County, HI
4,131 posts, read 7,408,060 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by duster1979 View Post
She's actually posted very little information about her budget. She stated in one post that they probably spend to much on clothes, which suggests that she really doesn't have a budget.
The buys clothes at thrift shops. I highly doubt they spend too much. She sounds very frugal and she just needs more income. A budget will not increase your income and it won't decrease your spending if you're at the bare minimum.
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Old 05-13-2014, 07:04 PM
 
26,149 posts, read 21,383,244 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by winkosmosis View Post
The buys clothes at thrift shops. I highly doubt they spend too much. She sounds very frugal and she just needs more income. A budget will not increase your income and it won't decrease your spending if you're at the bare minimum.


You must be reading something I'm not

Quote:
I have been tracking my expenses for years but never set a budget limit for a particular category each month. I think it is time to do that for clothing because that is our greatest area of un-control.

This is not a budget and I don't see thrift store here but even if that's the case but there is no limit to your spend and that you greatest area of " uncontrol" whatever that is
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