Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
1. live far away from job, but in a nice, big house, the only problem is the 2 hour commute each way, why wake up, drive, work, drive, shower, and sleep, only to do it over again? the only time you will enjoy your "house" and "family" is on the weekends. life is short.
2. live close to job, in the city, but you dont want your kids to be around the environment, crime, school system. your apt or condo is small, but you will have a short commute and family time.
3. move to a smaller city, but you probably have to leave your parents, friends, family. when your parents get sick you probably have to go back and take care of them. lack of things to do in the new area, etc.
the only way out of this is if someone is rich or has a 200k+ family income. I just want to see what people think. life is a balance and i see this getting worse as cities with a strong job market are getting expensive, while the cities with a bad economy are getting more dangerous.
I have close to 200k in total hh income, no kids and commute a hour or more each way. I still have plenty of time to spend with my wife and enjoy our house. I bought 30 miles out for the lower overall expenses and to be able to save more
Is there the possibility of a 4th option in your case?
- live far away from city. get a job close to home (even if you have to occasionally travel to the city for example). enjoy both nice house/family time, and short commute.
I live in a metro area of 7 million people, i live 5 miles/20 minute drive from work in a single family home. I'd say my front yard is too big, my house is fine though if it were a bit smaller I wouldn't care, and the public school system is good to great. My house also wasn't expensive, below the median for the entire US. There is no crime worth mentioning. The only problem is the weather sucks. But I work in an office and airline tickets are cheap so I don't care. My parents and inlaws are also far away, I don't really care that much about that either even though both groups are lovely people - I'm not going to take care of them in their homes when they are old - if they want to come to live with me, we'll work that out..
No way I would ever commute 2 hours a day for work to live next to any city in the US, not SF, LA, or DC, or NYC, even though they are all awesome, they aren't that awesome.
This isn't a new conundrum. My grandparents moved to a different state than their families after WWII so they could get good jobs. Pretty soon, 2 of my grandfather's siblings followed. My mom moved half a country away from her parents to live near my dad's parents (her parents later retired to a different state); one of her brothers now lives in our state, 5 hours away. My cousin married a man who grew 1000 miles away from where she did; they settled in her home state and his parents moved to be close to them.
I live 2 hours from my mom - the small town I grew up in doesn't have the kinds of jobs I want to do. At one point I lived 5 hours away, but I moved closer so I could make day trips to visit.
I work in a big city but live in the suburbs and commute 40-60 minutes each way. My H brings the kids to school in the morning so I can leave early, and I pick them up in the afternoon around 5 - 5:30. That gives us time for family activities. My sister is looking for a job in the big city, and if she moves here my mom will move to this area too.
There's no way I would tolerate a 2-hour commute each way. I changed jobs recently to shorten my commute by 10 minutes each way If I had to, I'd move somewhere further away from my family. I am a suburbia type of girl - I would not do well in an apartment - and I am a saver, so I wouldn't want to pay those kinds of inflated prices for inner loop housing.
The right decision for you comes down to your values, where you live, and what you and your spouse do for a living.
A 4-hour daily commute is like working a second, part-time job without pay. Optionally, putting 10-12 hours per day into your job would likely gain you more rapid promotions and recognition. Even spending the 4-hours trying to come-up with a better solution is more productive (and a better alternative for your family) than simply driving.
.... or, you could simply keep driving 4-hours every day.
1. live far away from job, but in a nice, big house, the only problem is the 2 hour commute each way, why wake up, drive, work, drive, shower, and sleep, only to do it over again? the only time you will enjoy your "house" and "family" is on the weekends. life is short.
2. live close to job, in the city, but you dont want your kids to be around the environment, crime, school system. your apt or condo is small, but you will have a short commute and family time.
3. move to a smaller city, but you probably have to leave your parents, friends, family. when your parents get sick you probably have to go back and take care of them. lack of things to do in the new area, etc.
the only way out of this is if someone is rich or has a 200k+ family income. I just want to see what people think. life is a balance and i see this getting worse as cities with a strong job market are getting expensive, while the cities with a bad economy are getting more dangerous.
#2.
Crime risk is more than made up for by the lowered risk of commute-related death/injury, in all but the worst areas.
Moving far from work to live in a "safe" area and then spending 2 hours/day driving defeats the purpose and you end up with a higher overall risk of premature death/hospitalization than you started with!
A 4-hour daily commute is like working a second, part-time job without pay. Optionally, putting 10-12 hours per day into your job would likely gain you more rapid promotions and recognition. Even spending the 4-hours trying to come-up with a better solution is more productive (and a better alternative for your family) than simply driving.
.... or, you could simply keep driving 4-hours every day.
Actually, with negative pay. According to IRS guidelines a mile of driving costs about 50 cents - that commute is going to get real expensive quick.
I've done that for 8 months. Reason i did was because my new job offered 100% increase in pay, from my old company.
2 hours commute each way, it was the most miserable time of my life. I saved about $1200 per month.
After 8 months I just couldn't do it anymore, it wasn't worth the time and stress. I moved closer to work, then the quality of my life definitely increased two fold.
You will have to offer me 3X for me to do that again.
I love to drive, but it's a complete waste of time when commuting. I have always paid a little higher rent to live closer to work. In my current situation it actually works out to be the same and the area is fine.
I did however, spend a lot of years in the NYC metro area and my parents still live there. 2 hour commutes were normal when you add bumper to bumper traffic to the distance. People did it because houses in our town were $250K where houses closer to the job were $800K. This was in CT. In NJ it's not as bad because it seems like the jobs are spread out, so you can have a good job and live far from NYC.
Anyways I would never in a million years do that. Think about all of the time wasted. The only thing is that now I live far away from my parents. However, they are almost retirement age and will consider moving somewhere where me and my brother can get good job without crazy commutes and housing values.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
