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This is just a rant into the cybervoid, I don't expect it to be read or acted upon because it's not your problem, it's mine. I just want all this noise out of my head. If you don't want to read a sad story, then click your back button. This could be 10 minutes of your life you don't get back.
...Why the eff does it all come back to money? All the effing time...there are things that need taken care of and money is the answer.
Stepdad is in recovery but is declining. He's a very strong man; back in June he was just slinging 40ft ladders onto his truck every day to go to work (he's retired but still paints houses)...why? because he needed the money to save his house. He became ill. Had a surgery. Now he's trying to recover but he's so damn lonely. His arms are sticks now and he can barely eat because of the pain. I can't visit him every day like he needs because I don't have the gas money to drive the half hour (both ways) every night to see him.
My mom is home alone. She recently had a brain tumor removed. She regained speech but memory is still coming back...she has problems with numbers and new things...and that translates into money issues. She has lost her part-time job she was doing for over 5 years because the program she was taking calls for, didn't renew a contract and took their program elsewhere. She can't learn anything new without CONSTANT repetition/supervision. I can't help her because I don't have the gas money to drive to help her (25 minutes away but takes twice the gas because it's over two mountains). She has so many prescriptions she can barely afford (let alone groceries), a house that needs repairing, a car (and his truck) that are falling apart because they can't afford repairs. She has back and knee problems and has had severe and random episodes of vertigo since her surgery.
This isn't even half of what I originally wanted to post. There's so much more to know... but even the rest of my family wouldn't care to read half of what you just read, random stranger. Please be honest...is this whining? I have asked for financial help and only ONE person I had only spoken to once on facebook (I do not know this person, we are just both fans of a tv show) responded with a $20 donation...and that's it. My older sister (high-school teacher) has a teenager to raise and she's too busy chaperoning trips to Europe or visiting my aunts to do more than gripe that she's been asked for money she doesn't have and why is mom being so financially irresponsible? She's not here to see mom's day-to-day struggles and tears. When mom has an emergency or even just wants to chat...she calls ME.
Growing up, my mom was my rock. Since her brain tumor, I have to be hers but I feel like I'm failing her.
I want to just FIX everything...they don't deserve to struggle like that. How can money fix all that, do you ask? Here's my million-dollar reset button... I get to quit my job so I can be available to my parents full-time. I demolish their decaying house and build a handicap-friendly, ultra-safe home with lifts, ramps, grab bars, walk-in tubs, therapy pool for low-impact exercises, proper kitchen full of proper food...and so much more than I can think of right now. They would have reliable cars and a proper garage to keep them nice in. I would have my own apartment to live there so I can be available to them, especially mom. They won't have to work unless the WANT to and can actually stop to relax and enjoy and take care of their home. My being on-site full-time will let me provide cognitive therapy on a daily basis and help Mom recover.
Someone please tell me how I can achieve this? I have asked for help but no one has stepped up. I can't even have a proper wedding because I can't afford it at all (Been 15 years with my sweetheart. We want to get married 10/01/2014 on our 15th anniversary. We had almost $90 saved but had to use it for mom's prescriptions). I do not have any "extra" money. Everything I make pays rent and bills and goes in my gas tank so I can get to work again. I'm going fast back to eating ramen noodles and beans. I just want to help my family. Someone please tell me how?
If either parent is a veteran, get in touch with any/all possible veterans help groups.
Contact the hospital and talk to whoever handles patient finances. There may be programs they qualify for but aren't advertised. Sometimes the patient has to ask, if that makes sense. Also, the pharmacy where your mom gets her meds.
Can they move in with you? Can you move in with them?
Get in touch with local churches. May or may not matter if they went there. There's a couple of local churches where the pastor will just announce (no names) a family needs help with....whatever and people put money in a special basket.
A local newspaper might help if your parents don't mind the publicity.
I'll add that they are probably eligible for disability through Social Security, welfare and/or food stamps.
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In my state people get paid to care for elderly or sickly patients. I know a handful of folks my age...getting paid to house and/or care for their parent(s). Might be something you can do there.
Sorry to hear about your troubles. I can understand exactly where your coming from. My wife's side of the family is exactly like your family in terms of their nonchalant attitude towards your parents. Its admirable that your trying to help them even though you sound like your struggling. Random ideas to help your situation:
1. Do a personal detailed budget to see if there are any area's where you can improve your finances to save money.
2. Move to an area/state that has jobs that you know you would qualify for
3. Think about taking your parents in.
4. Do all of what the above posters have stated.
5. Think long term and have yourself or your BF work towards getting the certification/experience necessary for one of the jobs in the below article for better financial stability.
OP, please ask that this be transferred to the Caregiver Forum. It is amazing how knowledgeable many of the posters are on that site. They will be able to give you some great suggestions to help you get some real help for your parents.
In my state people get paid to care for elderly or sickly patients. I know a handful of folks my age...getting paid to house and/or care for their parent(s). Might be something you can do there.
A former neighbor of mine who is a CNA is paid by Medicare to act as a home health care provider for her ailing husband. Medicare will also pay for some homemaker services so licensing isn't necessarily required. You'd need to check with DHS or the Social Security office for information.
I feel your pain as I went through something similar with my mom a few years ago. Fortunately she still has her health and she had enough equity in her home that she could sell it to retire her outstanding debts and move into senior housing.
Go to the web page of the drug manufacturers. Many of them have programs you sign up for to get your meds free or deep discount prices if you can prove need. I think your mother can easily prove need, but obviously, you will need to do the paperwork for her.
I know it's just a little help, but every little bit counts.
Since you asked I'll be honest. Yes, it does seem a bit like whining. A lot of people have similar stories, myself included, yet have never asked FB or message board people for "donations. " But maybe I am just jealous because I never got $20 and am particularly upset about my family situation as they have recently stolen a lot of money from me and sacked me back into the void.
Sounds like they both qualify for SSDI disability through the social security admin.
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