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Totally crazy background there - I'm surprised you didn't get awarded anything in that divorce.
How much of the debt is federal and how much private loans?
If you put the federal loans on IBR, how much do all your minimum payments add up to, federal and private?
Have you tried taking on a second job? As a teacher, I'd imagine you should be able to do after-school tutoring and should find something for summer as well - can you do summer school?
If I were in your situation, I'd try to make at least $50k and keep paying the loans. Put the federal ones on IBR, and hope for higher inflation to come, nibbling away at the burden...
The court system doesn't really allow for that. Maybe she let him get away with it
He threatened me if I stuck him with any of the debt or filed any charges against him. Now I'm not so young (and dumb), but the statute of limitations has passed to modify our divorce agreement. I just used a paralegal and filled out the paperwork myself........ SO STUPID!!!!!!! My brain was a total fog and honestly after getting out of that situation, I just wanted out, did not care about consequences. Now that I've moved on, have a new life, new husband, kids, etc, this whole thing just kinda sucks.
Shoulda, coulda, woulda.... it's all my debt.
Last edited by mysteriousjane; 01-18-2015 at 06:38 PM..
Totally crazy background there - I'm surprised you didn't get awarded anything in that divorce.
How much of the debt is federal and how much private loans?
If you put the federal loans on IBR, how much do all your minimum payments add up to, federal and private?
Have you tried taking on a second job? As a teacher, I'd imagine you should be able to do after-school tutoring and should find something for summer as well - can you do summer school?
If I were in your situation, I'd try to make at least $50k and keep paying the loans. Put the federal ones on IBR, and hope for higher inflation to come, nibbling away at the burden...
About $100,000 is private student loans, which are years delinquent at this point as they do not allow any reasonable kind of deferment/forebearance. $100,000 is federal loans, $50,000 going toward my education and $50,000 worth of refund checks he spent. I did receive a great education so no problem paying back what I believe I owe for my actual education (50K).
I did just put the federal loans on IBR, which lowered my payment from $1200 to about $125, which is actually something I can afford. Before they were on deferment/forebearance.
My private student loan payment is about $2800/mo. I am years late on paying those.
Getting mired in the emotion of what this relationship cost you financially on top of what it has cost you emotionally is counterproductive and you need to find a way to let that go. I think if you met a woman who stayed in a relationship like this for 20 or 30 years rather than get out at 4 albeit in significant debt she might tell you that you got off cheap.
Therapy might be useful to help you with this if you haven't already gone. Also, to make sure you know how you got into this situation and make sure you never do again. You are at risk having already been in one abusive relationship.
So right. I think I am so very lucky to have escaped as soon as I did, as some women get stuck in those relationships for decades or worse don't live to tell about it and end up in a ditch. I could be a million dollars in debt and my new life is way better than my old life ever was, and for that I'm so thankful.
I do think I need therapy, even 5 years later. I try and recall some of the things that he did to me in our marriage and my memory is foggy, but then something will remind me of it and I have a panic attack and get super upset/emotional. I think my brain blocked out certain memories. Thankfully I have a new husband, who is very nice, we have had our moments, but are doing great now and there has been no abuse or signs of abuse. If anyone is the mean one in our relationship, toward the beginning it was me as I had developed bad habits from my old relationship.
OK, so is it rude to hit up a very very very VERY (as in multi-millionaire) relative to see if they can help me out? He's bailed my dad out of tens of thousands of dollars several times.............
Why looking at the cars bought plus amounts of loans; do I get the feeling someone thought bankruptcy would clear debt.I don't think anyone would not know the total of those loans to live; college and those cars. I mean likely a lot of other debt was discharged; leaving someone holding the bag as is.
OK, so is it rude to hit up a very very very VERY (as in multi-millionaire) relative to see if they can help me out? He's bailed my dad out of tens of thousands of dollars several times.............
don't hate, honest question here.
First off, sorry this happened to you. I know the feeling. My ex-husband spent all of our savings and cashed out investments and then wracked up a ton of debt in the months prior to asking me for a divorce. He got half of the debt of course, but basically I got stuck with the other half too (we are talking things he bought for him... nothing I ever saw or did). We had an upside down house too.
So yeah, I got saddled with debt from a poor choice in husband too. It took me years of cutting my budget to the bone, but I clawed my way out of debt (and let me tell you, it's a great feeling when it's gone).
Anyway, to answer the question above. You can ask, why not. If it were me though, I would ask for a loan and not a hand out (low interest... or maybe even this relative will give you a no interest loan). And then be sure to draw up documents and have them notarized with how much you owe, how much you will pay each month, etc. And stick to it like any other loan/payment plan.
At worst, your relative will say no. Maybe he will take you up on the loan offer and you will be in much better shape. Or maybe he will bail you out like he did your dad. Who knows.
OK, so is it rude to hit up a very very very VERY (as in multi-millionaire) relative to see if they can help me out? He's bailed my dad out of tens of thousands of dollars several times.............
don't hate, honest question here.
Well, you can mention your situation and see if any help is offered. If this relative would really want to help you, there isn't much of a need to ask.
Even if you do ask, the worst that could happen is they say "No", and move on.
As long as you don't push the issue or refuse to take no for an answer, I think you'll be fine.
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I just used a paralegal and filled out the paperwork myself........ SO STUPID!!!!!!! My brain was a total fog and honestly after getting out of that situation, I just wanted out, did not care about consequences. Now that I've moved on, have a new life, new husband, kids, etc, this whole thing just kinda sucks.
