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I just hope that the whole family doesn't make him out to be the bad guy if he doesn't give them money. If someone forewarned him, that would be a sign that at least some of the relatives are on his side.
Anyone who would set up an ambush in the manner the parents are planning, backing their son into a corner in front of an audience of relatives, and on Easter Sunday to boot, is an addict. This is the behavior of desperate addicts. Their addiction is spending and frittering their money away on minor luxuries. Nothing will change, unless they're forced to get jobs, and do whatever they have to do to generate income. Even if they lose their home to bankruptcy, I doubt it would change their behavior. Only the bankruptcy itself would force them to change, because then they wouldn't have any money to spend. They'd have to get out and earn money, work for it.
I just hope that the whole family doesn't make him out to be the bad guy if he doesn't give them money. If someone forewarned him, that would be a sign that at least some of the relatives are on his side.
You know they will (make the OP out to be the bad guy). That's why this is being staged before a live audience, to intimidate the OP into just caving in. Having this event, or attending it, is madness. If it's at the OP's place, should be canceled. If it's elsewhere, OP should not attend. You don't voluntarily walk into an ambush unless you are about to ambush the ambushers.
If it's elsewhere, if the OP really wants to be helpful, hire a service to deliver an Easter basket containing a chocolate bunny, chocolate eggs, and a Dave Ramsey book about money management, inscribed thus: "Dear Mom & Dad: While I can never pay any of your expenses, I will be glad to help you improve your money management. Here is an excellent place to start. Ask me for guidance any time. With love, --your OP child --Easter 2015."
And no, I don't blanket-endorse Ramsey, but most people would be better off taking his advice than the way they are currently doing it. The people who understand the flaws in the Ramsey presentation typically understand finance well enough to deviate from his advice.
You know they will (make the OP out to be the bad guy). That's why this is being staged before a live audience, to intimidate the OP into just caving in. Having this event, or attending it, is madness. If it's at the OP's place, should be canceled. If it's elsewhere, OP should not attend. You don't voluntarily walk into an ambush unless you are about to ambush the ambushers.
If it's elsewhere, if the OP really wants to be helpful, hire a service to deliver an Easter basket containing a chocolate bunny, chocolate eggs, and a Dave Ramsey book about money management, inscribed thus: "Dear Mom & Dad: While I can never pay any of your expenses, I will be glad to help you improve your money management. Here is an excellent place to start. Ask me for guidance any time. With love, --your OP child --Easter 2015."
And no, I don't blanket-endorse Ramsey, but most people would be better off taking his advice than the way they are currently doing it. The people who understand the flaws in the Ramsey presentation typically understand finance well enough to deviate from his advice.
Right. My suggestion was that he plan a counter-ambush. That wouldn't be hard to do, he just needs the will to follow through with it. Skipping out on a big family gathering for Easter wouldn't go over well, either. But if he doesn't have the nerve to confront his parents and get real with them about their profligacy, and their willingness to torpedo their son's and grandchildren's future to feed their irresponsible habits, then his only other choice would be to not show up. But IMO it would be easy enough to approach it so that their trap blows up in their face, and ends up making them look like the bad guys, and him and his family--the victims.
I was thinking earlier about the expectations in some Asian cultures. Of course, in most of those same Asian cultures, the parents are almost pathologically thrifty as a cultural impetus, thus very unlikely to go into spend-a-mint-then-milk-the-kid mode. Thus, such parents rarely need financial assistance, though they may (like many parents in all cultures) expect their adult children to follow their advice in life matters, and to help them physically as they age. Which does not sound to me as if it's on this particular table.
That is the expectation in Asian cultures.
To be fair, it is a give and take. Parents help their kids far longer than in the West, especially arranging marriages or letting them live with them (not out of economic necessity as has been happening in US now, but keeping them as part of the family.)
However.... sometimes it goes too far when you questioning your parents would be considered talking back (as if you were 14.) The unquestioning respect for elders is not good on the whole.
As I said, I like the American way. YMMV.
I am Asian. I know tons of Asian people. Not one single one of them has their parents pressuring them to give them money.
It sounds like your in no position to lend, or more accurately state what would happen, give away money. You need your emergency fund if you lose your job, so you can survive. You need to be looking for a new job before your current job ends. It is much better to move onto a new job while you still have a job, than looking for a new job while unemployed.
There are some things in your story that just don't make any sense. If your parents own a home where they stopped making payments and the electricity has been shut off, then why would the family be gathering there for an Easter dinner with all the trimmings? Are people going to sit around in the dark and cold? How is anyone going to cook anything in a dark and cold home without electricity? The water might also be shut off, which would make it harder to tolerate. You'd have to take turns driving to the nearest gas station, fast food restaurant, or store with a bathroom to go to the bathroom.
Is the plan to take everyone out to eat at a restaurant? If so, who is going to pay for that meal?
It sounds like your parents need a come to Jesus intervention, where the intervention has nothing to do with religion. But since they haven't changed their ways after a recent bankruptcy only four years ago, they may be beyond your help. Some people have to hit rock bottom to change their ways. Maybe hitting rock bottom won't be enough either.
Are your parents still working? If not, why not? Are they able bodied? It sounds like they should both be trying to earn as much money as possible, doing odd jobs if necessary. Cleaning bathrooms, or whatever it takes. They may need to be selling their plasma, which might yield up to about $280 per person per month. They need to look around their home and start selling everything. If they become homeless, what will happen to all their possessions? If they become homeless, then they probably are limited to what would fit in one or two shopping carts that they steal from a grocery store.
Hopefully, you will not get yourself into a violent situation, where your parents see no way out and think they have nothing to lose, killing everyone.
So, please post an update what happened. It would be a pretty empty end to this story if you simply vanish from the City Data forum.
I just realized that we have been snookered.
The OP is notorious for these type of posts.
He has one going in Work and Employment.
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