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Old 06-11-2015, 12:01 PM
 
12,053 posts, read 10,224,090 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by angeldragon View Post
And just in case you guys dont believe me, this is the stuff they give me after coming back from a vacation. This is just one trips stuff. Usually they buy little travel sized things as well which they give me because they buy new ones every trip.
The regular store items there total about five dollars. I buy the same things when I travel. They sell for up to a dollar each.

That Peter Thomas Roth appears to be some qvc items.
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Old 06-11-2015, 12:10 PM
 
12,053 posts, read 10,224,090 times
Reputation: 24782
I think you need to stay away from these people. They are not helping your condition. It is just making you angry.

There are lots of people that are in better financial shape than you and most likely always be that way. I can see that it is stressful, but I know families that live on less and seem to be happy. You might have to bite the bullet and claim some sort of disability. Does not mean you cannot work. From reading other conversations on here, it can be done.

You make so little that you are at the mercy of your husband. Does that contribute to your stress? If no disability, need to find a real job. It can be done. Are you in therapy? I'll post a link to an interesting story later. Gotta go. Take care.
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Old 06-11-2015, 12:33 PM
 
Location: I live in reality.
1,154 posts, read 1,419,655 times
Reputation: 2267
Quote:
Originally Posted by angeldragon View Post
He never saw combat, he was on a base doing paperwork in the US. They got the disability because he has social anxiety, something i am very familiar with since i suffer from it as well. She doesn't work because she gets migraines.

I just feel like i am getting no where financially, yet people whom are using my money (our money) that is suppose to help the needy, is going towards someones next big video game system or a vacation to Hawaii.
Sounds, to me, like you're getting ready to join you friend on the Disability train! Don't DO it! It's a long and dreary road that you will not like in the long run. What else would your friend tell you but "He's retired" when Disability gives you such a meager amount?? It's based on your EARNINGS OVER TIME, and as a 20-something even in the Military, it's got to be a very small amount of money.
I have a neighbor on it, for mental issues, PLUS she lives in a Section 8 housing situation, but she never worked longer than her early 20s and only get's like $600./month....NOT any way I'd like to live!
She looks 60 (she might be 45) and wears clothes from the 70s and asks me all the time WHY she cannot find a man??? I'd be very careful about jumping on that train...oh yes! I would.
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Old 06-11-2015, 02:19 PM
 
12,053 posts, read 10,224,090 times
Reputation: 24782
Quote:
Originally Posted by mooksmom View Post
Sounds, to me, like you're getting ready to join you friend on the Disability train! Don't DO it! It's a long and dreary road that you will not like in the long run. What else would your friend tell you but "He's retired" when Disability gives you such a meager amount?? It's based on your EARNINGS OVER TIME, and as a 20-something even in the Military, it's got to be a very small amount of money.
I have a neighbor on it, for mental issues, PLUS she lives in a Section 8 housing situation, but she never worked longer than her early 20s and only get's like $600./month....NOT any way I'd like to live!
She looks 60 (she might be 45) and wears clothes from the 70s and asks me all the time WHY she cannot find a man??? I'd be very careful about jumping on that train...oh yes! I would.
Military retirement is based on rank. For every year over 20 they add 2.5%.

This young lady needs some assistance. Counseling or something.
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Old 06-11-2015, 02:32 PM
 
12,053 posts, read 10,224,090 times
Reputation: 24782
Quote:
Originally Posted by angeldragon View Post
Sorry for such a late reply, i've been working so much i haven't had time to get online.

I think i already mentioned this before, but he has social anxiety. I have social anxiety as well as depression. I couldn't finish high school, got my ged at 15 and stayed in my room for 4 years. Literally, i did not leave the house. Maybe once to get my teeth cleaned, but thats it! I know how it feels to have social anxiety.

He served at a local base doing a desk job.

I suffer every single day with my condition. Constant panic attacks, with no medication because i cant afford it. They themselves abuse the drugs they get from the VA. He is just fine traveling and going to many conventions which involves many different people in a limited space and interaction is certain. I know this because i go with them! The past few years i've pretty much been living there (the stress of living in husband's parents house makes me visit/stay the night very often). So before you yourself jump to conclusions, yes i do suffer from anxiety and i DO know what it feels like. And yes, i do know what is going on there.

To the others that think i dont care about veterans, i do! I'm a caregiver and i used to care for many elderly veterans and to hear the stories is enough to make anyone cry. But to have him say "I'm retired!" with a smirk on his face makes me think otherwise.

That is nothing... nothing like the veterans i care for.

Here is the article I thought was very interesting;

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/23/health/23lives.html?_r=1&ref=health

“For years, we as psychiatrists have been telling people with a diagnosis what to expect; we’ve been telling them who they are, how to change their lives — and it was bad information†for many people.
No more so, perhaps, than for Ms. Myrick, who after years of devastating mental trials learned that she needed a high-profile position, not a low-key one, to face down her spells of paranoia and despair. Her treatment regimen, like most others’ in the study, is a combination of medication as needed and personal supports, including an intuitive pet dog, the occasional weekend stay at a luxury hotel — and, not least, a strong alliance with a local psychiatrist
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Old 06-11-2015, 03:44 PM
 
Location: Montana
1,829 posts, read 2,228,871 times
Reputation: 6225
Quote:
Originally Posted by angeldragon View Post
I'll go ahead and post my situation, because really thats the hole point i made this.. to better myself and get a understanding why we are doing so poorly.

I make roughly $500 a month, doing multiple part time jobs. I have to keep my days extremely flexible because i'm a sub for the postal service. Meaning i can get called at anytime and be expected to be there within 2 hours. I'm only actually scheduled to work every other saturday. I have to wait 10 years until i can get benefits and get it full time. I have to wait until the main retires. For instance this past week she called in sick, so i worked a full 9 days. $12.75 an hour, with an extra $50 each day for gas/car maintenance. But then i can go weeks without any work at all from them. In the meantime i clean houses, caregive, and animal/house babysitting. I also sub for the school district doing mostly overnight custodial jobs. On top of that i create crafts to sell, or buy/collect and resell items on ebay.

Husband is a hard working lumber mill worker. He makes about $1500 take home a month.

Every moment is thinking about living in a house instead of a studio above a garage. I have no running water and have to use the facilities downstairs in the house. Every moment is thinking of how can i get an extra buck to save to get out of here.

Breakdown:
In savings/checking for me: Roughly 10k. I put everything i earn into savings, i try not to spend anything at all. I dont even buy sanitary napkins, i resort to using reusable clothes and whatnot. Extremely cheap lol
Husbands savings: 8k (He automatically puts $400 into savings each paycheck)

Debts:
Cell phone: $172 (husband overspends in this area but he is stubborn and wont budge with changing this)
Netflix: $8
Dog food: $35
Food: $200 (rough estimate)
Car insurance: Cant remember off the top of my head, i believe around $150?

Long term
Car 6.5k $250
Credit card is at 2k
(To raise our credit we buy and pay bills with our credit cards and pay them off fairly quickly)

Student loan 5k $50 a month (Husband did not graduate, was going for engineer. Very close to graduate only a few credits needed)

Land: 55k total, have 53k left to pay on it. Paying $400 a month

House:
Currently trying to pay off land/car to get the loan for the house we want which is $119k

We can get the loan for the house now, but the mortgage would be really too high for us. So my plan is to keep paying off the land and by the time a good chunk of it is gone, the car will be paid for and that frees an extra $250 a month for the mortgage.

Any advice as to what should be done would be very helpful. Unsure what to really pay off right now. Husband wants to pay off car completely now, to free the $250 a month and just go for the house now. I'm uncertain and scared the monthly payments (over 1k) would be too much if we did this now.
Based on your numbers above it looks like you earn $2000 per month (net) and have fixed obligations of $1350 per month (net), with about $650 left over to cover gas/fuel, utilities, clothing, a little entertainment/dates, car repairs/maintenance, etc., so realistically you are very tight financially.

I am assuming since you did not mention rent, you are living free in the in-laws efficiency.

You lay out $10K and $8K ($18K total) in two different savings accounts, and have a debt load of $13500. Assuming there are not huge fees or penalties (like pulling money from a 401K) for using that money, you have a few of options to consider:

If your husband is a few credits short of an engineering degree (and "going for engineering" may or may not be the same as a few credits short of an engineering degree), I would think using the savings as living and tuition expenses and finishing the degree would be the quickest way to financial solvency. Both my sons are engineers, both had starting salaries in the mid $50,000s on graduation, and both were just under $100,000 annual income by year 5-6 into the careers (last year, so this is recent data). Clearly that is an option you should look at seriously as a way ahead.

Another option is for you to go to work full time with a single employer, rather than cobbling together multiple part time jobs for $500 per month average pay. Full time work would at least double that figure on a monthly basis, and it would be consistent income. You could throw an additional $500-$1000 at the property or debt reduction, and the income level would help your credit score as well as your ratios for mortgage qualifications. If you are still dealing with significant anxieties, that may not be doable, but again, worth considering. I have found the busier I am, the less problems I have. Not that the problems go away, but I don't have time to dwell on them and "invent" some that really don't exist, or at best are life's minor irritants that I am turning into full fledged barriers to living life well.

A third option is to use the savings to pay off all your debts (car, student loan, credit card) and that would lower your monthly expenses by $300-$400 per month, and still leave you with ~$4500 in savings (your biggest bang for the buck is paying off the car). You could then use that money to replace the savings, or accelerate payment on the land, without any changes to your current budget/lifestyle. It is amazing how well you can live on rather meager incomes if you have no debt!

On the house situation:

When you get the new house, you will have $2000-$3000 worth of expenses - I can't tell you what they will be because it is different for each house, I just know you WILL have $2000-$3000 in unplanned expenses, so keep that amount ready.

The bank will want a steady earnings history (2 or more years), about 6 months worth of mortgage payments in a savings or investment account, and the monthly mortgage plus all other monthly debt payments to be less than 36%-42% of you gross income (bank requirements vary slightly from bank to bank), and a decent credit score - usually in the 700's, and somewhere in the neighborhood of 20% equity (paid for land/equity in land works to meet this requirement) or you will pay a pretty significant amount every month for mortgage insurance. A bank will generally charge $6000-$9000 for mortgage generation, title services, appraisal and other fees to originate a mortgage.

That information should allow you to easily identify when you are qualified/ready for a mortgage.

To the first sentence in your post, I am not sure you're doing that poorly. You are living below your means, you have a positive net worth, you own land (contract), and you are making steady financial progress towards owning your own home. The real world is not like "Friends", where a coffee barista can live in Manhattan in a huge two bedroom apartment with a view; in the real world the coffee barista is living in a 200-400 sq/ft studio, on the 7th floor, with no elevator, and sharing that space with two room mates in the Bronx or Harlem and struggling to pay the rent and buy food every month.

Don't measure yourself against a false standard, or you will always be disappointed!
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Old 06-11-2015, 05:15 PM
 
18 posts, read 22,133 times
Reputation: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
The regular store items there total about five dollars. I buy the same things when I travel. They sell for up to a dollar each.

That Peter Thomas Roth appears to be some qvc items.
Kind of confused, why does it matter how much they cost? I mean if your speaking about them having to "pay" for it, that wasn't really what i was getting at.

This was to prove that they go on multiple vacations and give me their leftovers.

Which actually, does work out to my benefit because i'll never have to buy shampoo/conditioner/soap/shaving cream/toothpaste.. etc etc

In the long run that does save me money.. but that really wasn't what i was getting at :P

The brand comes from Hilton hotels and resorts.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
I think you need to stay away from these people. They are not helping your condition. It is just making you angry.

There are lots of people that are in better financial shape than you and most likely always be that way. I can see that it is stressful, but I know families that live on less and seem to be happy. You might have to bite the bullet and claim some sort of disability. Does not mean you cannot work. From reading other conversations on here, it can be done.

You make so little that you are at the mercy of your husband. Does that contribute to your stress? If no disability, need to find a real job. It can be done. Are you in therapy? I'll post a link to an interesting story later. Gotta go. Take care.
Thank you Clemencia. I have tried medications and counseling when i was younger, but nothing really seemed to help. Sadly at this point we have high deductable insurance and i'm currently unable to afford going to a doctor ($200+ a visit) let alone a psychiatrist or meds for that matter. I'm stuck and have lived with this anxiety my entire life. I cant do a full time job, unless its at night, due to the post office. In ten years i'll get that job full time.. but its the waiting game at this point. I've already invested in buying the right hand drive vehicle for my route.

Truck's Dad:
Thank you! This has been the most informative post so far that can benefit me financially. I understand i went about making this thread the wrong way, but atleast i'm getting some answers now.
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Old 06-11-2015, 07:57 PM
 
12,053 posts, read 10,224,090 times
Reputation: 24782
Quote:
Kind of confused, why does it matter how much they cost? I mean if your speaking about them having to "pay" for it, that wasn't really what i was getting at.

This was to prove that they go on multiple vacations and give me their leftovers.

Which actually, does work out to my benefit because i'll never have to buy shampoo/conditioner/soap/shaving cream/toothpaste.. etc etc

In the long run that does save me money.. but that really wasn't what i was getting at :P

The brand comes from Hilton hotels and resorts.
I think you mentioned that he had gotten back pay. A lot of vets get this when their claim is settled. They go back to the day you filed or something like that. I know so many Vietnam era vets that have gone through this. They get thousands in back pay. My brother, my other half, my cousins, my BIL, friends of family. They fix up their homes, go on vacations, buy a better vehicle - all sorts of things.

A vacation doesn't have to be expensive. 2-300 dollars for a room on the weekend.

Anyway, don't let it get to you. Is waiting 10 years for a job that might be yours a good idea?
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Old 06-13-2015, 12:16 PM
 
Location: I live in reality.
1,154 posts, read 1,419,655 times
Reputation: 2267
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tuck's Dad View Post
Based on your numbers above it looks like you earn $2000 per month (net) and have fixed obligations of $1350 per month (net), with about $650 left over to cover gas/fuel, utilities, clothing, a little entertainment/dates, car repairs/maintenance, etc., so realistically you are very tight financially.

I am assuming since you did not mention rent, you are living free in the in-laws efficiency.

You lay out $10K and $8K ($18K total) in two different savings accounts, and have a debt load of $13500. Assuming there are not huge fees or penalties (like pulling money from a 401K) for using that money, you have a few of options to consider:

If your husband is a few credits short of an engineering degree (and "going for engineering" may or may not be the same as a few credits short of an engineering degree), I would think using the savings as living and tuition expenses and finishing the degree would be the quickest way to financial solvency. Both my sons are engineers, both had starting salaries in the mid $50,000s on graduation, and both were just under $100,000 annual income by year 5-6 into the careers (last year, so this is recent data). Clearly that is an option you should look at seriously as a way ahead.

Another option is for you to go to work full time with a single employer, rather than cobbling together multiple part time jobs for $500 per month average pay. Full time work would at least double that figure on a monthly basis, and it would be consistent income. You could throw an additional $500-$1000 at the property or debt reduction, and the income level would help your credit score as well as your ratios for mortgage qualifications. If you are still dealing with significant anxieties, that may not be doable, but again, worth considering. I have found the busier I am, the less problems I have. Not that the problems go away, but I don't have time to dwell on them and "invent" some that really don't exist, or at best are life's minor irritants that I am turning into full fledged barriers to living life well.

A third option is to use the savings to pay off all your debts (car, student loan, credit card) and that would lower your monthly expenses by $300-$400 per month, and still leave you with ~$4500 in savings (your biggest bang for the buck is paying off the car). You could then use that money to replace the savings, or accelerate payment on the land, without any changes to your current budget/lifestyle. It is amazing how well you can live on rather meager incomes if you have no debt!

On the house situation:

When you get the new house, you will have $2000-$3000 worth of expenses - I can't tell you what they will be because it is different for each house, I just know you WILL have $2000-$3000 in unplanned expenses, so keep that amount ready.

The bank will want a steady earnings history (2 or more years), about 6 months worth of mortgage payments in a savings or investment account, and the monthly mortgage plus all other monthly debt payments to be less than 36%-42% of you gross income (bank requirements vary slightly from bank to bank), and a decent credit score - usually in the 700's, and somewhere in the neighborhood of 20% equity (paid for land/equity in land works to meet this requirement) or you will pay a pretty significant amount every month for mortgage insurance. A bank will generally charge $6000-$9000 for mortgage generation, title services, appraisal and other fees to originate a mortgage.

That information should allow you to easily identify when you are qualified/ready for a mortgage.

To the first sentence in your post, I am not sure you're doing that poorly. You are living below your means, you have a positive net worth, you own land (contract), and you are making steady financial progress towards owning your own home. The real world is not like "Friends", where a coffee barista can live in Manhattan in a huge two bedroom apartment with a view; in the real world the coffee barista is living in a 200-400 sq/ft studio, on the 7th floor, with no elevator, and sharing that space with two room mates in the Bronx or Harlem and struggling to pay the rent and buy food every month.

Don't measure yourself against a false standard, or you will always be disappointed!
WOW! What a fantastic thing for you to do...a free financial counseling via C/D! (NOT one bit of sarcasm in that, either...how LUCKY she is to get such, unasked for)! I hope they take your advice so she can, at least, buy sanitary products for herself each month. I 'get it' but that is just too much to give up, as even the Dollar Stores sell such products for a little money.
Truthfully, they do better than SO MANY people living on 'a shoestring', and she has evidently thought of many creative ways to make a few bucks...she is suma *** laude grad of 'school of hard knocks'.
I so wish them both the best in life and I hope he goes back to college and finishes his degree. THAT will help the minute that piece of paper hits his hands.
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Old 06-13-2015, 07:33 PM
 
18 posts, read 22,133 times
Reputation: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by mooksmom View Post
WOW! What a fantastic thing for you to do...a free financial counseling via C/D! (NOT one bit of sarcasm in that, either...how LUCKY she is to get such, unasked for)! I hope they take your advice so she can, at least, buy sanitary products for herself each month. I 'get it' but that is just too much to give up, as even the Dollar Stores sell such products for a little money.
Truthfully, they do better than SO MANY people living on 'a shoestring', and she has evidently thought of many creative ways to make a few bucks...she is suma *** laude grad of 'school of hard knocks'.
I so wish them both the best in life and I hope he goes back to college and finishes his degree. THAT will help the minute that piece of paper hits his hands.
FYI I can afford sanitary products, I just choose not to. I use reusable cups & cloth that is machine washable. This saves money and is better for the environment. Same as buying plastic plates/silverware etc. Every dollar counts. Even if it is a big hassle not having running water, we use real plates & bowls. This is purely my choice and plenty of others do it to.

Also: thanks so much for being mean to the one person that actually put thought and financial advice into their post.

He lost interest in engineering, around the time the market for them completely dropped. He has no will to return to finish it. He's making 18.37 an hour working 10 hr days where he is now and possibly getting an extra $40 a day if he gets the boiler position he's applied for

I never said I'm extremely not well off, this comes with sacrifice. I'm where I'm at now because of sacrifices. How else would I have 10k in savings? If I spurge, even alittle, that will be even more time to wait for a place to live.
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