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Don't judge until you have walked a mile in their shoes, and if you've walked that mile, you probably won't judge. Most of us didn't arrive at financial independence (or even financial literacy) overnight. It's a process. How did you feel about some "self-righteous jerk" rubbing your nose in their abundance of "financial wisdom." What's the old expression, "people don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care."
Read the last few replies I made, please. They asked me of how I did it. I didn't flat out tell people about how I handle my finances.
Read the last few replies I made, please. They asked me of how I did it. I didn't flat out tell people about how I handle my finances.
They asked, and you answered. And they were not happy because the answer you gave wasn't what they wanted to hear. It's simple. And the solution is simple, too: in the future, when you're asked how you manage to save so much, say something noncommittal like "well, it's certainly not easy," and let it go at that. Most people simply want commiseration (which you can certainly provide, as you know saving money is not easy) not an actual solution to their financial woes.
"Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces." What you've observed is hardly a new phenomenon!
Maybe it would be better for those of us who like to complain, to just choose wisely who we converse with. There are so many of you know-it-alls out there who have it all figured out, and love to judge other people who have issues.
Takes all kinds I guess. I'll be sure to scope out your penchant for smart-a55 answers before I make small talk with you...
Maybe it would be better for those of us who like to complain, to just choose wisely who we converse with. There are so many of you know-it-alls out there who have it all figured out, and love to judge other people who have issues.
Takes all kinds I guess. I'll be sure to scope out your penchant for smart-a55 answers before I make small talk with you...
Thank you all for the responses so far. I can't step back and see what I'm doing wrong if I don't ask.
I wish I know it all. I genuinely meant that, not trying to be sarcastic. I use this forum a lot for questions I have. I still continue to make money mistakes and learning from others who are better at being frugal.
Thank you all for the responses so far. I can't step back and see what I'm doing wrong if I don't ask.
I wish I know it all. I genuinely meant that, not trying to be sarcastic. I use this forum a lot for questions I have. I still continue to make money mistakes and learning from others who are better at being frugal.
I disagree with most everyone else.
How are irresponsible flailing people ever going to know how to straighten up and fly right financially if all they get is sympathy and "There, there, I know it's so hard"?
If all anyone wants to do is complain about how they're broke, then ask me how we manage to have two homes, investments and a worry-free retirement ahead of us, I'm going to say, "We don't spend every dollar we earn."
You can get the point across without getting personal.
How are irresponsible flailing people ever going to know how to straighten up and fly right financially if all they get is sympathy and "There, there, I know it's so hard"?
Most of them AREN'T INTERESTED in straightening up and flying right financially - that's the point. When you come across the rare person who genuinely WANTS the advice, by all means give it! But when the OP makes a simple and easy to implement suggestion (like switching to a cheaper cell phone plan, or shopping for clothes at thrift shops or only when they are on a big sale) and that suggestion is immediately shot down, it's clear the person simply isn't ready for serious advice. So why waste time giving it? It only causes upset.
You can't teach someone until they are ready to learn. (That's true for anything, not simply financial matters.)
Yes, you should say Nothing unless they ask for your help. Even then you should use caution- you seem to equate caring for people to changing people.
That is a slippery slope! REALLY use that sparingly!
Keep your thoughts to yourself-unless you want to finance their kitchen remodel.
I guess you can take this approach, but me personally I make the deliberate decision to NOT hang out with NOR DATE financially stupid people.
Before you know it, the loser will be asking you for money using some shaming line of, "Well, I'm your friend and if you are really my friend you would let me borrow XYZ." Or, "Well, I'm your girlfriend and if you really like me then you should let me borrow XYZ."
I love when they use the phrase of "let me borrow" as if they are even freaking credit-worthy to begin with. A Payday Loan shark wouldn't loan these losers money.
Do yourself a favor, only hang with and date people who have their personal financial house in order. Includes your family members, if they are BROKE then move clean across the country from them and try to keep conversations to a minimum. Do not sit on the phone with them talking about their financial problems and whining about their financial problems, all they are looking to do is get you to "feel sorry" for them so when they eventually ASK you to "borrow money" it will be easier to get you to cave in.
These people DO NOT want to hear your advice on budgeting, investing, listening to people like Dave Ramsey, not making kids you can't afford, changing their lifestyle, etc. They don't want to hear that.
So do yourself a favor, stay away from people with bad personal financial management, I don't care if it's your MOTHER! If they ask you for $1.99 to buy a freaking happy meal the answer is HELL NO, starve!
If you ask me a question, you can't put conditions on how I will answer it.
The OP isn't you, though. He does care - specifically, he doesn't want to offer advice that won't be taken well by the recipient. So for his own sake he should elide the question unless he's quite certain the person is genuinely asking, and not merely kvetching or expressing thinly-disguised jealousy of his financial situation.
There's really no pressing need to make small talk about personal finances, so why should the OP do it if he doesn't enjoy the results of such conversation?
I guess you can take this approach, but me personally I make the deliberate decision to NOT hang out with NOR DATE financially stupid people.
Before you know it, the loser will be asking you for money using some shaming line of, "Well, I'm your friend and if you are really my friend you would let me borrow XYZ." Or, "Well, I'm your girlfriend and if you really like me then you should let me borrow XYZ."
I love when they use the phrase of "let me borrow" as if they are even freaking credit-worthy to begin with. A Payday Loan shark wouldn't loan these losers money.
Do yourself a favor, only hang with and date people who have their personal financial house in order. Includes your family members, if they are BROKE then move clean across the country from them and try to keep conversations to a minimum. Do not sit on the phone with them talking about their financial problems and whining about their financial problems, all they are looking to do is get you to "feel sorry" for them so when they eventually ASK you to "borrow money" it will be easier to get you to cave in.
These people DO NOT want to hear your advice on budgeting, investing, listening to people like Dave Ramsey, not making kids you can't afford, changing their lifestyle, etc. They don't want to hear that.
So do yourself a favor, stay away from people with bad personal financial management, I don't care if it's your MOTHER! If they ask you for $1.99 to buy a freaking happy meal the answer is HELL NO, starve!
Personally, I would rather stay away from people who use the word "freaking" too much.
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