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When I deal with multiple related problems like that, I would first make a list of priorities. Having money may make her life easier but won't necessarily fix a few things you brought.
Her child is probably going through the rebellious stage. While hanging out with the wrong people played a huge factor, she needs a better distraction for her age. Moving her to another part of town won't discourage her from causing trouble, especially if she have friends with a license who can go pick her up from her new home. She could also run away if push comes to shove. Your friend may not be able to pick her friends for her, but she can guide her to the right placed to make friends. Have your friend looked into afterschool programs for her daughter? Maybe have her live with an aunt who could mentor her for awhile? Encourage her to participate in church or community events or volunteer at a local shelter? Keep the child distracted with positive influences will help keep her out of trouble while your friend is dealing with her finances.
Secondly, the car issue. It sounds like she just didn't know any better and was naive. This can happen to anyone who is naive enough to fall for a convincing ad. My husband is one of those people. His heart is in a good place but he still have trouble accepting the whole "if it's too good to be true..."
If your friend wants the advice, ask her to create a budget. Where did the money go each month? How much extra was left that could go to paying off this car? Start with the highest interest bill, pay as much principal as possible.
About the lease. Again, fix one problem at a time. Don't worry about the child if she puts in action to what I described above. Then the next worry is the increased rent. I hate paying fees, especially cancellation or penalty fees. If your friend move into the mom, would the cost of them living with mom be LESS than where she currently is? Add into the costs of commute to work/home and other obligations that are more convenient and financially for her. By moving back to her mom, can she find a better job in that area? Can her mom financially support two more people in her house or would she need to contribute?
Lastly, no matter where she goes, she should keep looking for a higher paying job. More income means more opportunities to add that money into paying off the loan faster. She needs to learn to live frugally if she already is trying to do so.
Many cities in Ohio have a strong jobs market, is she at a place that she can advance into better, high paying positions? If not, she should work somewhere else.
Breaking a lease doesn't have to be horrible, if she follows through their process with a notice and they find someone to re-rent it, she should be fine and get her deposit back. Hopefully she has taken care of it??
It wouldn't hurt to just talk to a BK attorney to have them crunch the numbers, not sure what else she may have that is dischargeable. A good attorney will lay out a plan for her, when to file, what she can keep, what debts will go away, how she will live on NO credit for a few years, what debt she must continue to pay, etc.
Just be careful, not sure how long you've known her, but please help her with thoughtful advice and not cold hard cash.
Should a single parent work 60 hours per week indefinitely? Is that a good home life for their dependent children?
No, a single parent should not work 60 hours a week indefinitely, and I don't see anywhere on this thread where that is advised. I also do not see where anyone says anything about a good home life under those conditions.
The point is… This lady could make five times what she's making now, and she will blow it all. She has a severe spending problem, and no amount of income is going to overcome that. The spending has to get under control first!
Should a single parent work 60 hours per week indefinitely? Is that a good home life for their dependent children?
NO it's not a good home life for her child, but also having a kid by a DEADBEAT thug isn't a good home life either, and that's most likely what this woman did.
She got pregnant at 16 and had the baby around age 17, she wasn't even at the point to where she could take care of herself, nevertheless, trying to take care of a kid.
Like I said, she put herself in this situation with the following choices:
- Having a kid at 17
- Having a kid by a deadbeat thug
- Getting a worthless degree (an English degree DOES NOT demand decent pay in the job market)
- Buying cars she can't afford, on installment programs with insanely TOO high of interest
- Running up items on a credit card that she doesn't have deposits sitting in a bank account to cover
The woman is financially stupid. The OP (assuming the woman isn't the OP lol) needs to get the hell away from this woman before her stupid ways rub off on The OP.
No, a single parent should not work 60 hours a week indefinitely, and I don't see anywhere on this thread where that is advised. I also do not see where anyone says anything about a good home life under those conditions.
The point is… This lady could make five times what she's making now, and she will blow it all. She has a severe spending problem, and no amount of income is going to overcome that. The spending has to get under control first!
No need to get huffy.
I agree that good money management is not a function of income. I disagree that she doesn't have an income problem. 25k per year is not much for a family of two.
I agree that good money management is not a function of income. I disagree that she doesn't have an income problem. 25k per year is not much for a family of two.
Good money management involves managing income AND expenses.
The woman has an income AND expense problem, both of which she put herself in. She could have majored in and acquired a different degree than an English Degree, she could have not been sleeping around at 16 getting pregnant, she could have not been buying cars she couldn't afford, and she could have not been running up transactions on credit cards that she didn't have the funds to pay for.
Good money management involves managing income AND expenses.
The woman has an income AND expense problem, both of which she put herself in. She could have majored in and acquired a different degree than an English Degree, she could have not been sleeping around at 16 getting pregnant, she could have not been buying cars she couldn't afford, and she could have not been running up transactions on credit cards that she didn't have the funds to pay for.
The past is what it is. The thing to do is make better decisions going forward.
Everyone, thank you for your replies and information. It has given me some things to think about and mention to her. With the time I've spent trying to help her versus my own life it may be nearing a point where I need to step back, but I'll take one good hard last look.
I do not believe that she's really wasting much money anymore. She is an avid believer and follower of the ideas of Dave Ramsey. She is actively working pay off her highest debt (the car), but I believe she just feels emotionally like she is in this black hole paying it off forever hoping it ends one day. You are right, she needs to just work to pay it off to make it go away, and if she can - move in with her mother.
As far as the after school things, she has looked so hard to find something for her daughter. She really tries. But working 2 jobs with no supporting members (child's father is in a different state, her mother doesn't drive, her father is unable to drive, her friends are useless also so she ditched them), it's been hard for her to find something she can get her daughter to/from.
A really unique saving grace she had over the last part of this summer was the mother of her daughter's siblings took her daughter into her home for a while to allow the children to bond and give her a break. She had been using the free time to apply to jobs but when I push her to make time for job fairs or networking she gets skittish and never goes. I think she feels inferior, but I won't make excuses for her, I can just imagine where she is coming from and I try to counter her thinking and help her feel more positive. It usually sounds like it works for a day or so...
I think helping people is important because even when we know we need help it honestly is not always clear cut who to go to or ask, if you can even think of anyone to turn to in your life or city that really knows their stuff. Asking you friend, although well meaning, may not give you the best answer versus asking an unbiased financially-experienced consultant... I wish she had someone like this to give her this information and help her make this plan you're all describing different aspects of. That's what I think I'll do for her as my final attempt - try to locate someone in her area she can meet face-to-face with and will work with her... I no longer live within her area, I recently moved to a different state, but I won't give up on her because I see pieces of myself in her and I know how much I've struggled through different things alone with no one I could relate to around to help me.
You can definitely keep the information coming.
Last note, posts like the ones from jotucker99 are not appreciated. That person should be banned from this forum in my opinion, but that is the last I will address that type of nonsense. It was mostly unhelpful, downputting garbage and the world could have gone without those strokes on the keyboard. The value of pointing out my friend's history of unwise decisions need not be reached for in such a nasty way.
The past is what it is. The thing to do is make better decisions going forward.
Yeah, but if you are still doing the same financially stupid decisions that you did in the Past, then that means you never learned from your mistakes and the Past is still relevant.
Quote:
Originally Posted by positive.feelings
Last note, posts like the ones from jotucker99 are not appreciated. That person should be banned from this forum in my opinion, but that is the last I will address that type of nonsense. It was mostly unhelpful, downputting garbage and the world could have gone without those strokes on the keyboard. The value of pointing out my friend's history of unwise decisions need not be reached for in such a nasty way.
Thank you all!
How in the hell would you have liked me to respond then? In a nice, cuddly, teddy bear type of way? This woman has a HISTORY of making bad decisions. She got pregnant at 16, she had the kid by a guy that isn't helping her support it, she majored in a worthless degree, she runs up high charges on a credit card she can't afford, she buys TWO (not one, but two) cars that she can't afford on high interest installment loans, she has a horrible budget (if she even has a budget), she continues to overextend herself financially knowing she only makes $12 an hour, etc., etc., shall I continue?
It's not like she slipped and fell, or made a "mistake" and ended up in this situation, her lifestyle is one of constant financially stupid decisions. It started at age 16 and she's now 30 and STILL making dumb financial decisions, so you are talking 14 years straight of stupid choices.
There's no going NICE with this woman, that's the problem, people around her (like you) have been kissing her tail all this time and that's why she continues to make dumb financial decisions. Somebody needs to smack this woman in the face with reality so she wakes up.
Her decisions have put her 13 year old daughter's life in jeopardy, living in a danger zone with no Father, and you want me to go "nice" on this woman? Are you serious?
Last edited by jotucker99; 08-13-2015 at 11:53 PM..
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