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I had a career when we married and worked a little bit professionally but most of our 39 year marriage I was SAHM with 4 kids. About 7 years ago I inherited income producing real estate which was not a surprise. I have used a great deal for the betterment of our family including a very nice home, cars, etc.
DH acknowledges he is terrible with money and gladly handed over the family finances to me before we married. I am putting this property in trust, first for the education of our two minor children and then distribution to all 4 children at certain mature ages. All the rest including a paid for and expensive home, retirement accounts and savings will pass directly to DH at my passing. I probably will die before him. He has his SS and a generous pension plus other assets. He will be fine. And he knows what I'm doing. He's 75 and healthy and I'm 69 and not so healthy.
But from time to time he drops hints that is has hurt his feelings I did not put him on the deed as co owner of the property. I have told him this income is what kept my mother going till she died and she asked me to keep it in my name because she knew of some of the money mistakes he made in the past. She was not even aware of the whole picture.
Of course I cannot go into 39 years of marriage but for many reasons I've been very glad I had this income to call my own. And I am encouraging my kids (especially my 3 daughters)to keep their inheritances in their own names for the same reasons.
I'm not going to change anything about our situation but I'm curious about how other women handle money or property they want to keep in their own name--even if they know they would use it for their family, as I have.
I have some of my own for reasons other than those stated; he has some of his own for reasons other than those stated.
But the majority is jointly owned.
We never got an inheritance, so that is off the table too.
Assuming my parents don't spend down all their assets either intentionally or not, my brother and I could come into some property, which is already in a trust. I'll have to read the trust again, but I believe that it is worded so that the property could only be inherited by my brother or I, or our direct blood-relative children. no spouses. I wouldn't have it any other way; I think inheritances are protected from spouses anyways.
I don't know why your husband's feelings are hurt that he's not on the deed of the property that you inherited, especially considering his past history managing money. Like it matters at this point.
Also in the not married yet camp. Not sure how much I stand to inherit (don't know how much of her assets Mom will spend down before passing), but it should be a decent chunk. These assets, including her house, are being placed into a trust that my siblings and I are beneficiaries of. My portion of this, will remain in my name only. It doesn't mean that I won't use it for joint things, as OP did, but it will remain in my name.
I have no intention of being a SAHM, so I will continue to earn throughout my life. I will most likely subscribe to the mine, yours, ours theory, as I am in my mid thirties already, and so by the time I get married, there's too much history to dump it all into one bucket. Shared expenses will be split proportionately to income. Individual expenses will be handled, individually.
Everything we have accumulated in our marriage is owned jointly. However, the trust my father left is owned by my mom, brother and me. My kids have survivorship rights for my third so if I die before my mother, they will inherit not my husband. I haven't touched a dime since he died 23 years ago. And will not until my mother is gone. I worry that the money may be needed for her care and will forgo all of it if it comes to that. I suspect my brother has gone through his portion and will inherit only half my mother's share.
I've been a long time and everything is in both our names. I just want to say there is not a right or wrong way to do things. What works in one marriage doesn't work in another.
I don't like to think about it, but if something were to happen to one of us anytime soon the other would still be young enough with a lot of years to go and maybe wouldn't want to be alone. If I remarried the whole joint owning wouldn't happen simply because of the two kids we have. Things have been set up with a living will and trust to benefit our two sons and I don't think it would be right for what my husband and I have accumulated to be shared with someone else and their kids that came along later. People have to choose for themselves what is right.
Another thing to consider is that the reason the joint account idea works for us is that we both make good decisions with our money and there is enough that there isn't a need to keep score as far as who gets what. For a different two people trying to do this might ruin their marriage.
Last edited by I love boots.; 10-14-2015 at 04:35 PM..
Yes, but I didn't vote because none of the answers applied.
It's only separate until an old financial issue he has is completely gone Not taking any chances.
Nothing to do with 'was mine before we were married' or any of that.
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Not taking any chances.
