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Yes, when they make those kinds of choices going against advice and then turn to you asking for help when things don't work out. had this situation with my former best friend.
Honestly, I end up pulling away from them. Unfortunately, at least in my world, finances and consumerism is a big part of life and I have little in common with those that make these kinds of choices. Most of the time its a gradual parting, but I had a friend (she befriended me, not the other way around) that I grew really sick and tired of and it didn't end gracefully, let's just put it that way. She was over the top though.. just very, very extreme...
My sister is pregnant with her 3rd child (being induced today) up to her neck in medical bills from the second child.
She is not working and her husband and her family just moved into our parents house to help them out since she is not working and child care would crush them.
within the first month of living with my parents, her husbands car was totaled by a drunk driver while it was parked on the street. They went out an leased a top of the line Honda minivan (leather nav etc.) the lease is $500 per month!!! She started driving it and her husband started driving the 2013 ford that she pays $550 a month for with 2 years left on the loan.
so now they have $1050 in car payments.
But her husband is now commuting for work and the ford is a bit of a gas hog so he went and traded it in for a brand new Hyundai Senota ( fully loaded)
Payments are the same so they are still at 1050 in car payments alone.
They had 2 opportunities to get into something affordable and it drives me crazy!
Edit: BTW My wife and I make over 100k/year combined yet we drive 15 year old cars and my wife commutes to 60 miles to work each way.
We keep 1 spare 20 year old lexus as a back up that we rarely ever use. The only use it really ever got from us is when i tore my Achilles and couldn't drive my manual trans
I understand its not my business but as family I hate to see it happen. I keep my mouth shut about it but its hard.
Bluntly -- if you open your mouth, you may end up with every one ticked at you. If someone is going to be able to broach this subject, it will have to be your parents, as they are living under their roof.
But...this sister learned this behavior some where...might it be your parents?
Yeah...just keep quiet, until they ask for help... And if they do, go slow
But...this sister learned this behavior some where...might it be your parents?
I don't think so, my mom is a spender but she makes the money to support it. but she isnt flashy or anything. My parents keep their cars usually at least 8-10 years..
I think she gets it from an aunt of ours whom she is really close to and she is very materialistic and is not careful with he money.
We had a bad one in my family and looking back some of use should have been more insistent about things. We tried as hard as you can with a grown adult, without things ending up in a fight. We knew there were bad decisions being made but we didn't know how bad until a few years later and it effected everyone.
You don't know what you don't know, but it is frustrating.
Yeap, I totally understand your position. My brother borrowed over 50k from my parents to buy a house, help him start his business, pay his credit cards, etc. If my parents refuse, he makes them feel guilty for not helping his disabled daughter have a better life. And the help never last with him. He continued to make bad financial decisions that cost him the house, his business, accrue more debt, etc.
It's hard to keep quiet. All I could do is talk to my parents and try to persuade them to stop helping him. At the same time, he uses their grand daughter as leverage. After awhile, I gave up and stopped trying to help my parents. By this point, my brother and I have no relationship. I don't see him as family anymore. Sadly, when people who make bad decisions continue to do so and drags innocent people down with them, all you can do is stay away from them and let kharma handle the rest. Your love for your family cannot help them.
It does bother me to a certain extent. Unfortunately some close friends and family will guilt trip you into a loan if they can manage to persuade you.
When it comes to close family, their financial blunders can impact your future inheritance. Like some of the previous stories have mentioned, siblings have borrowed from or sponged from parents. Most never pay it back and your inheritance becomes a lot smaller. Unfortunately they don't see it that way and expect the same amount as you when the time comes.
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