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I live with 2 roommates. I make more money than they do (probably close to as much as they both make combined). They both have student loans, and I don't. One roommate routinely struggles to pay the bills. Should I pay more because I make more and it's not fair for them because they don't have spending money or an emergency fund? If one of my roommates chose to have a child, should I increase my portion of rent and utilities to make it easier on them?
No.
Now, you're not in a roommate situation: you live with your boyfriend. That changes the rules slightly, but only with previous discussion. Why didn't you talk to your partner about the finances before he moved in?
You are comparing apples to oranges here. Yes I know both are fruit, but they look at taste very differently... The point is A and B are in a romantic relationship; they are not JUST roommates. If the latter was the case then by all means what you stated above applies.
Don't know about that. That is kind of like saying a couple who is having marital problems should have a child and everything will be smooth after that.
You are comparing apples to oranges here. Yes I know both are fruit, but they look at taste very differently... The point is A and B are in a romantic relationship; they are not JUST roommates. If the latter was the case then by all means what you stated above applies.
She referred to him as her roommate in the post I quoted - it's unclear to me if he was brought in as a roommate who became a romantic partner or if he was a boyfriend who took the place of a boarder she would need to bring in otherwise. I was responding in kind.
Either way, she needed to set expectations about rent, utilities, and food costs with anyone who moved in, be it her boyfriend or a roommate. It seems that the expectation was $500 a month and a vague "chipping in" for food expenses. Those expectations can change over time, but that needs to be communicated with specific figures to Person A.
I can see now, any man coming here and reading this is probably going, "Yep, I knew it. These single moms only want us for our money and to pay for their kids."
I give up.
If b is paying more than a how could you say b is the mooch? That is absurd
I don't necessarily disagree with any of this, but THIS is the argument to be made, not how unfair it is that the OP has more expenses than her boyfriend.
What's fair market rate for rent for a bedroom in a house in the OP's area? That could very well be $500 - especially considering he's sharing. He should absolutely be paying that every month with no complaint. If $500 was not enough for the OP's budget to make it work, she needs to have a discussion about raising the rent. When he moved in, they should have set groundrules about a budget and run the numbers. It doesn't seem like that happened.
It sounds like the OP would be in further trouble if she didn't get money from her boyfriend.
This guy definitely sounds like a jerk, no doubt about it, but supporting her teenage kids isn't his responsibility. It's nice if he were to do it, but not a requirement. Where is their father? Where is their child support/SS benefits?
Fair market would probably be at least $800 a month. To rent an apartment that is decent, is $1500-$1600 a month. To rent the current house would be $2200 -$2500 a month. A previously lived in a really run down 1 bedroom apartment, which was an old school turned into little apartments. It had not been renovated in 30 years. But it was cheap and only cost $500 a month.
A decided he would pay B the same as what he previously paid, but would buy groceries. B was fine with that as it helped. But then when B suddenly was not getting rent and found no groceries in the house, B is struggling. B certainly cannot afford to pay for A & B to go out. Which is A's newest resentment. B has nothing more in the budget that can be stretched to accommodate A's resentment.
If b is paying more than a how could you say b is the mooch? That is absurd
Because you have two children to support and own the house. Your expensive car payment and insurance are for YOUR vehicle that you use to transport YOUR children. A is not responsible for any of those expenses. You would have them whether or not A was in the home.
What would you do if A wasn't paying rent?
The fact that he's not paying for the previously agreed upon rental amounts is a serious problem, but what he's paying is on you.
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