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Old 09-22-2017, 10:53 AM
 
1,212 posts, read 2,247,043 times
Reputation: 1148

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It's doormat syndrome. I saw it with my parents,
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Old 09-22-2017, 11:09 AM
 
Location: Upstate NY 🇺🇸
36,754 posts, read 14,771,171 times
Reputation: 35584
Quote:
Originally Posted by skycaller23 View Post
Let wife find an evening job so when you get home you can watch the kids.
Wife puts 100% of salary into paying off those loans.

Get rid of that debt now while those kids are young. College and retirement are future goals you are going to need to save for. But right now..it's get rid of those loans.

^^
This.

That substantial debt is your wifes obligation, not yours.

And, quite frankly, the fact that she incurred student loan debt, has no job, and is procrastinating so that you (or taxpayers) can bail her out leaves me speechless.

Someone needs to get busy, and it's not you.
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Old 09-22-2017, 11:31 AM
 
Location: Northern California
128,934 posts, read 11,931,519 times
Reputation: 38775
One car between you is enough, she can drop you off at the station every morning & pick you up in the evening. There is no need for a suv, just because you have a baby, many people have more than one baby & get by with a smaller car. I also agree, that she needs to get some kind of work. Looking after baby is great, but these days, both parents need to work, to pay the bills. Your parents are available for baby sitting, her excuses for not wanting to use them are dumb, they brought you up Ok, & she married you. I wish you well. it is a tough spot to be in. HUGS>
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Old 09-22-2017, 02:03 PM
 
13,811 posts, read 27,378,934 times
Reputation: 14244
I don't think the OP has even come back, probably just a troll.
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Old 09-22-2017, 03:01 PM
 
Location: SoCal again
20,705 posts, read 19,880,600 times
Reputation: 43031
I don't know why he is so surprised - he posted the exact same thing in 2013 already. He married her anyway.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Casey Ryback View Post
I’m living with my gf and she is just about to finish her master’sd egree in education, but there are a few problems. By the time she’s done, she’ll be about 35Kin debt (student loans + car payments), but has no job and minimal teaching prospects in the region we live in. Sure, she gets interviews for various lower-end districts for a variety of positions – leave replacement, permanent sub, ad hoc subbing, TA’s, and fullon teaching (rarely), but nothing more comes from it. Her last “full” time position was about 6 months of leave replacement at a district but they didn’t have the means tohire her back as a permanent sub for this coming school year. Herlast avenue for work was this tutoring job she used to do, but they don’t giveher any hours and when they did, they were 1-4 hour shifts at minimum wage, so maybe enough to pay a bill but that’s it. Although I think she shot herself in the foot when she told them shecouldn’t work weekends or nights – her reasoning was that it was because those would be the only times I’m home. I’m usually in the city for 12-13 hours a day – now more since I started mymasters.

So when all is said and done, she has this huge lump of debt and no real means right now to pay it off. She actually collects disability every few months because she has an autoimmune condition, but that’s chump change in the grand scheme of things. What I tried to tell is that she needs income and steadily. I know it’stough out there to find something, but surely it’s possible to find SOMETHING to lessen the damaging debt? It sure beats sitting at home all day watching Full House and Charmed. It’s a bad feeling coming home after a longday and she’s acting all lethargic.

I’m sure a few people would say to dump her and get it over with, but I can’t do that nor do I want to. It would be wrong to do it for that reason anyway – supposed I’m unemployed for a long time? I think shewould want to be there for me. This is really the only issue with the relationship and she’s a great person overall. But the fact is, without that income on her half, it makes me want to postpone getting married, kids, ahouse, etc. I think she’s personally waiting to win that “teaching lotto” that is, landing a full time position in ahigh rated district with track to tenure; but regardless, she needs steady income and needs it now no matter what it takes to get it. How can I knock some sense into her to just take whatever job she can?

OP is not the brightest.
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Old 09-22-2017, 03:17 PM
 
24,541 posts, read 18,118,486 times
Reputation: 40231
Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve View Post
I don't know why he is so surprised - he posted the exact same thing in 2013 already. He married her anyway.

OP is not the brightest.
No kiddin'!

I'm at a total loss as to why people do this kind of thing to themselves. The formula to success is to marry your socioeconomic equal, not a basket case you'll need to support. And then she pops out a kid. With a kid and being unemployable, he's on the hook for the next 20+ years for the kid and likely what NY calls "maintenance" for life.
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Old 09-22-2017, 03:52 PM
 
1,644 posts, read 1,657,910 times
Reputation: 6237
OP is a doormat he has had several threads and the common theme is always his wife taking advantage of him in some way. She doesn’t want to work, she wants to be a stay at home Mom but wants the OP to work full time with a long commute and then come home and cook and clean. She wants OP to get up for all nighttime feedings. She doesn’t get along with his family, she wants him to pay her debt etc. it’s never ending but until he grows a set of balls things will never change.
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Old 09-22-2017, 04:07 PM
 
176 posts, read 302,579 times
Reputation: 242
Nope, not a troll...yeah I've made some of these posts before, if you've seen my posts on other sections of the forum you would know I'm not really messing with anyone...I guess the other post about loans was from 2013. Interestingly enough right after that she did get some good income and made payments as needed (not 0 income based) so things were better, but in the end it was more of a band-aid because now I have this bigger issue that has compounded.

I'm at a point in my life where I don't really have much emotional support from many people...not comfortable telling my family about these issues but in the past they were great emotional support. Friend list is dying down, I never had a lot to begin with but the ones I had were quality and not quantity. I made a thread a week or two ago and who knows? I probably lost that friend too. I admit I have pretty bad self-esteem issues so I'm just generally not confident when it comes to befriending people or maintaining them. Anyway ,I'm rambling too much, but that's sort of why I make these threads here..even the poster with the snarkiest reply won't get to me that much but I feel like enough people will try to help without truly judging me. Sucks I have a certain reputation around these forums too, but I can assure everyone I'm being truthful and these things are very real.

I will come back to this thread once I have an update because I do appreciate most people's responses even if some of them weren't what I wanted to hear...
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Old 09-22-2017, 04:20 PM
 
Location: Omaha, Nebraska
10,348 posts, read 7,936,317 times
Reputation: 27742
Quote:
Originally Posted by GeoffD View Post
The formula to success is to marry your socioeconomic equal, not a basket case you'll need to support.
I'll quibble with that slightly. I don't think it's important that the two people in a marriage be socioeconomic equals. A surgeon marrying an auto mechanic can work out just fine. What matters is that they are both functional ADULTS. Marrying Peter Pan or a Fairytale Princess is a road to disaster.
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Old 09-22-2017, 04:56 PM
 
2,212 posts, read 1,070,658 times
Reputation: 1381
Quote:
Originally Posted by Casey Ryback View Post
Nope, not a troll...yeah I've made some of these posts before, if you've seen my posts on other sections of the forum you would know I'm not really messing with anyone...I guess the other post about loans was from 2013. Interestingly enough right after that she did get some good income and made payments as needed (not 0 income based) so things were better, but in the end it was more of a band-aid because now I have this bigger issue that has compounded.

I'm at a point in my life where I don't really have much emotional support from many people...not comfortable telling my family about these issues but in the past they were great emotional support. Friend list is dying down, I never had a lot to begin with but the ones I had were quality and not quantity. I made a thread a week or two ago and who knows? I probably lost that friend too. I admit I have pretty bad self-esteem issues so I'm just generally not confident when it comes to befriending people or maintaining them. Anyway ,I'm rambling too much, but that's sort of why I make these threads here..even the poster with the snarkiest reply won't get to me that much but I feel like enough people will try to help without truly judging me. Sucks I have a certain reputation around these forums too, but I can assure everyone I'm being truthful and these things are very real.

I will come back to this thread once I have an update because I do appreciate most people's responses even if some of them weren't what I wanted to hear...
Go and read your old post from 2013. Then ask yourself are you financially better off today than 4 years ago ?

When you have debt that high, time is your enemy. IMHO you getting a second job will make it worse as you already seem stressed out mentally and physically.

You absolutely have to cut back the luxuries which includes a leased car.
Wife has to get a job. Juggle hours/days so that one of you is babysitting. She could even do uber/insta cart if you have it on the weekends.
You really need to tighten the belt and live like you're poor.
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