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Some people prefer buying chicken that has not been treated with antibiotics, washed in chlorine, and injected with heavy amounts of salt water and additives. Buying healthier food is a personal choice and, in my opinion, one of the better ways to spend one's money. Organic chicken may be important to Eliza, but I would assume because it wasn't the norm for her husband, he never understood what it meant to her. She may not have "needed" organic chicken, but apparently she could afford it and it was important enough to her to spend the extra to have it. Just a case of people not seeing eye to eye and placing importance on different things.
Chicken hasn't been treated that way in years.
Yes, and your comment says exactly to what Eliza was talking about.
I definitely know I don't have a clue. I've said that many times. Unfortunately poverty like many other horrible situations is one those things that unless you go through it you can't have a clue. A good friend of mine lost her son to suicide, he was a marine and suffered from horrible PTSD, some times I would take her out to dinner after her support group and the reoccurring theme is unless you go through it you have no idea what it's like.
I have no problem with that.
My questions pertains to using that background to brow beat others.
Now once again "frivolous" is very subjective and begs another question. Is all we do is work so we can meet basic "needs"??? how horrible would life be if that's all we did. No one "needs" a vacation but I don't think a family vacation is "frivolous". No one needs a Christmas tree to survive but some of our most special memories are when the kids where young and celebrating Christmas.
Going to the prom is not "needed" but many moms sacrifice to get their daughters a special moment.
Now yes, organic food is important to me, so much of the stuff we purchase in the markets is processed, sugared up and loaded with chemicals. I'm a label reader, so maybe oats are all the same, but some times they are not, some times especially with the flavored oats, they are filled with sugar and "fillers". Obesity levels have not fallen and African Americans are twice as likely to die from preventable illnesses like diabetes and high blood pressure ESPECIALLY black men and when my old guy was battling cancer, a good diet definitely prolonged his life.
That being said, I really believe I'm great with a budget, I know that I can't afford everything so I make sacrifices. a higher grocery budget definitely meant 10 year old cars and working 23 days straight to grab all the O/T I could.
Actually we were a good team financially. My husbands background made him a great saver, my background made me a great investigator so when we did spend money frivolously or not we did so with the knowledge that we got the best deal possible. we supported each other.
Lol I wasn't trying to beat you up, Eliza. Really.
And I was talking about OATS. the old fashioned kind, not the quick sugared kind, the old fashioned cook a while till it's done kind, add your own flavorings if you like.
And I'm glad you had a great team with him.
My OH is a spender, I'm a saver. My OH has no idea how to budget anything, whether it be a $10bill or a brick of cheese that my OH will eat in one sitting instead of spreading it over a few days and actually enjoying it.
I drive an 11 year old minivan, we bought my OH a new car in,'14. Cash paid. My OH is often wasteful, I am conservative. With anything.
My OH grew up about the same as I did, but we have different priorities it seems. But my mil was European. She had a different take on things whike my FIL grew up ok.
Sometimes we agree, sometimes we disagree. My OH doesn't help With the budget, just wants to know the bills are paid.
I'm glad you and your hubby found some ground to work with, we often don't.
But, and maybe this is my fault, I thought basically you were asking if he was right, and I was answering that part as,well as the other parts.
Good luck as you forge ahead alone, without him, sorry for your loss.
I think if you haven't experienced growing up wealthy or dirt poor you cannot comprehend what it is like for the other. I would have been considered spoiled when I was growing up. My father did well and my mother did OK but she was a spender and not super responsible. I lived with her and learned about bounced checks, running out oil for the oil tank, etc. lol. Those were minor things as I did have a great childhood. The difference is if the people realize how good they have it and don't rub it in or flaunt it. I remember one Christmas I got so many really great gifts but when my close friends at school asked me what I got I played it down. I saw no reason to brag when I knew they didn't get the same gifts.
I now live in the mountains of TN. It is overall a very poor area. I've gotten to know quite a few locals and call many my friends. On the flip side most of my NY family would be horrified by the people and lifestyle here which is sad because there are some really great people here. So yes until you experience it or see it first hand I believe there is a disconnect.
As for inheritances I have two comments. One only leave to those who care about you and are in your life and two give it to them when they are old enough so it won't alter what they may do "for themselves" in their life. Money is good for a safety net or a little extra. It's bad when people are not ready for it.
Yes, a lot of people from mainstream America really have no sense of what it's like to grow up in a truly poor area, even if you aren't poor yourself.
I grew up working to middle class. Occasionally some bills were late or we may not get a vacation in a certain year, but I had all my needs. Still, being here in Tennessee, you are surrounded by poverty at every turn and you're most likely to know people who are having severe financial issues.
Well, to some extent I will say I believe it is true that IF a person grew up with parents who never struggled financially, that person may not be able to relate to having to struggle financially, or make choices where they have to DECIDE BETWEEN make certain spending options. I don't want to say they CAN'T relate because then that's a blanket generalization. And of course not relating -- does NOT mean being resentful. That's two different things.
Deciding whether to take 15 people to the Caribbean -- or Europe this year....is not the same anxiety or stress producing decision as whether I pay the utility bills , or the rent/mortgage or take my kid to the doctor.
Sure, people with wealth can teach their children to respect, and help, and not be judgemental of those who by fate -- have less money. But no, you'll never convince me that I v a n k a T r u m p or Paris Hilton -- or even people not on THAT level can relate to the financial decisions many Americans have to make. Now, that's on an individual basis of course. But heck -- look at one recent inaugurated national leader who made his money in real estate after getting a head start because his DAD was in real estate. Every time this person opens his mouth you can tell -- he has no clue.
I have a friend whose husband is an investment banker, pension fund manager and venture capitalist. I've known their kids since they were babies. I can tell you they have no clue about struggling financially at a subsistence level. They've "summered" in Europe every year and went to private schools. Now, am I being too harsh on a 16 year old who buys $90 dollar Gucci socks, $245 jeans, and wants a $1,600 pair of boots -- that SO FAR her parents have said "no" to. There are 8 year olds who give their gifts to the homeless. This 16-year-old wants $1,600 boots.
They are NOT at the Billion dollar level, but certainly at least a few mill a year (in NYC). They're spending decisions have been between which private schools for the kids, which exclusive suburb to live in, which sports car to get for a mid life crisis. He makes all that money and still feels 'stressed.' IS it the same stress -- does that mean he can relate to having less, or to the person deciding between repairing a car to get to a job, buying kid's school supplies, or getting health insurance??
Does he have a clue about that. I doubt it. Maybe yes, but likely....no.
This!! Spoil brat kids that has zero working skill sets to survive a power outage. The parents MIGHT have work hard for their fortune, as somebody had too, but to just hand it over to your spoil kids is the problem we poor folks have. Were out busting our butts off and all we get is 1 loaf ofbread, while JR over here is who hasnt sweep a floor in his entire life is able to buy 20 loafs of bread without sweating the light bill. We all make choices and most wasnt born with a silver spoon. We do our best to better our selfs by education, job hopping, doing what ever it takes to make life easier and comfortable. Then you get those that will put so much red tape, low wages, politics to keep you from having it. Take a look at your COL. If town has high wages, it will have high cost in food and housing. I hope somebody makes a reality show with rich kids vs poor kids and see who can survive the island. Winner gets to swap their lifestyle.
This!! Spoil brat kids that has zero working skill sets to survive a power outage. The parents MIGHT have work hard for their fortune, as somebody had too, but to just hand it over to your spoil kids is the problem we poor folks have. Were out busting our butts off and all we get is 1 loaf ofbread, while JR over here is who hasnt sweep a floor in his entire life is able to buy 20 loafs of bread without sweating the light bill. We all make choices and most wasnt born with a silver spoon. We do our best to better our selfs by education, job hopping, doing what ever it takes to make life easier and comfortable. Then you get those that will put so much red tape, low wages, politics to keep you from having it. Take a look at your COL. If town has high wages, it will have high cost in food and housing. I hope somebody makes a reality show with rich kids vs poor kids and see who can survive the island. Winner gets to swap their lifestyle.
Wouldn't it be better if there weren't any "winners" or "losers"? Instead everyone can try to help each other out and everyone survives?
it seems like the ultimate disdain is for someone who grew up wealthy and never had to work. it smells a lot like jealousy to me.
i grew up very comfortably. i never felt that i was treated badly for it. my feeling about how people treat you has always been that you get what you give. i am always nice to people and that is what i get in return.
Wouldn't it be better if there weren't any "winners" or "losers"? Instead everyone can try to help each other out and everyone survives?
BE nice if it worked that way but we know the 1% would just tell us to eff off. And go earn it. Well kinda hard to earn it when you dont have the means to earn it. Takes money to make money.. Still like to see somebody like Trump Kid wash some dishes or fold his own cloths instead of a maid. Honest work, Honest pay... People who earn their wages have better respect from me than those that was just handed to them and play all day long do absolute nothing to contribute to society.
it seems like the ultimate disdain is for someone who grew up wealthy and never had to work. it smells a lot like jealousy to me.
i grew up very comfortably. i never felt that i was treated badly for it. my feeling about how people treat you has always been that you get what you give. i am always nice to people and that is what i get in return.
Yes being nice and get the same in return, being humble about what you have is far better than some kid showing up first day in collage in a lambo while he walks past the tuition assistant line of people.
I was reading another thread and a statement about a nanny and it made me wonder about this. So I was married to a wonderful man for 30 years (I'm a widow) who unfortunately grew up dirt poor. We were great together (lol, hence the 30 years) but one area we would some times clash is he thought because I grew up relatively upper middle class I "did not have a clue".
Didn't come up a lot usually in reference to spending for the kids or vacations but I would counter that I'm not going to be punished because he grew up poor and since he did have a happy childhood with great parents and two great siblings what's the problem?
for example, my parents once a year took the entire family on vacation, all my siblings, nieces and nephews etc etc. usually to a Caribbean island.
lol, my weakness is Christmas. I totally admit to some times being out of control
So do you think we have a biased against folks if they did have luxuries growing up? One aspect I find interesting is that people will talk about leaving their kids inheritances but then criticize a kid that grows up with an inheritance as being "entitled" or "spoiled". Isn't the point of an inheritance to make them live an easier life??
What do you think?
It is more general than that. In 80% of the cases Person X thinks Person Y is deficient in some way because Upbringing X is different than Upbringing Y.
The only way cases differ is in the degree of self-righteous arrogance of elites vs. those without.
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