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So about a week before Christmas, my car was stolen from my mom's place of business. I was the legal owner of the car, I paid for the insurance, maintenance, etc. My mother purchased the car for me back in 2012 (or maybe it was 2013), as she wanted me to have my own source of transportation to work, school, etc. I was 19 at the time and commuting to classes and working part time.
My mom had asked to borrow the car, so the car was in her possession when it was stolen. Now that the insurance company has declared the car a total loss since it was never recovered, my mom is basically saying that she thinks I should give her some of the money since she bought the car. I did not ask for this car, and as I stated before I have been paying for everything associated with the car. With the money I am getting, I planned on completing BS 1 and starting on BS 2 (loosely following Dave Ramsey). Husband literally just got a job after being laid off in October, so we were behind on bills by about 2k. I would use the money to catch up on bills also, and yes she knew/knows about us being behind. She paid about 7k for the car, insurance is giving me 5.3k for the payout. She did not specify an amount that she wants, but honestly I don't feel like I owe her anything. I've been taking care of the car, and I was under the impression that the car was a gift from her. I asked her when she got the car if she wanted me to pay her back and she said no. I feel kind of bad about it, but my mom isn't hurting for money and she tends to be a greedy person when it comes to it. Just with catching up on our 4 walls and finishing BS 1 is over half of the money anyway and what is left can pay off 1 of our 6 credit cards for our snowball.
Do I think she should have asked for money back? No. Absolutely not.
Do I think you owe her any money? No.Absolutely not.
1) the car was stolen while SHE had it. So technically it's her fault it was stolen in the first place. (Not her 'fault,' but I take it you know what I mean.
2) IF the car hadn't been stolen, you'd have gone on with your life with the car. And she wouldn't have "gotten anything back."
Given that, she's being an opportunist. Pure and simple. (That's disappointing and disillusioning to see in a parent.)
3) How she figures she's due any money from this, I can't fathom. Again, being an opportunist.
4) Don't you need to use some of this money to replace the car? to make YOU whole with transportation. (Then at least you could say, "mom I don't have anything left after replacing the car. Heck, you could say that regardless of how you spend the payout.
Just how far are you planning to stretch this 5K?
It doesn't change the fact that I don't think you owe your mom any money.
But...who's name was the car in?....and....the very fact that your mom asked to borrow -- or if she could use -- the car....in my mind means the car was YOURS. IF the car was hers she shouldn't have needed to 'ask' to borrow it. She could have just said, "I need the car. YOU take the bus." No one needs to "ask" to borrow their own car.
Again just tell your mom you won't have any money left over after replacing the car (and your own needs.) Which actually will be the truth.
She is not at "fault" for getting the car stolen. They'd laugh you out of court if you made such an argument. She could leave the keys in the car with the engine running and someone hopped in the car and drives off with it. It still wouldn't be her fault.
She gave her daughter money for a car. Money that she couldn't have obtained otherwise. She wants some of the money back from insurance and her daughter should give it to her. If for nothing else where will she turn if she needs money again.
Frankly I think it was preposterous that she even asked, especially knowing your husband was out of work. You don't owe her anything unless she bought the car for you and expected you to pay her back. The next time she asks remind her that you need the money to buy a replacement car or at least for a down payment on one.
What is your relationship like with her? I find it so odd that if she has money and you are struggling that a mother would even suggest such a thing.
No, I asked her when she bought the car if she wanted me to pay her back. She said no, and the car nor payment of any kind has been brought up since then. Until now, of course.
We have a fairly close relationship now, but it hasn't always been this way. I guess the bigger question I have to figure out if whether or not she has say in what I do with the money. This situation is ironic though because a couple years ago, my husband loaned my mom money to replace a fryer in her restaurant. This was discussed as a loan not a gift. My husband hasn't seen a cent since then, and we stopped bringing it up a while ago because we pretty much figured she isn't going to pay us back. I guess this is why this situation bothers me so much, because it kind of seems like a slap in the face. " Yes, you loaned me money 2 years ago, but I expect payment from what I gifted you almost 6 years ago." I don't get that, or maybe there's something I am not seeing.
She is not at "fault" for getting the car stolen. They'd laugh you out of court if you made such an argument. She could leave the keys in the car with the engine running and someone hopped in the car and drives off with it. It still wouldn't be her fault.
She gave her daughter money for a car. Money that she couldn't have obtained otherwise. She wants some of the money back from insurance and her daughter should give it to her. If for nothing else where will she turn if she needs money again.
I just want to mention that I kind of laughed at this because that is exactly how the car was taken. She started the car to let it warm up while she went in the finish closing down her business and then two guys hopped in the car and drove off. Entire thing was caught on her camera. I do not blame her for the car getting taken. Just an unfortunate event.
Actually she didn't give me cash to go buy a car, we went to the dealership together. I was saving to get a car (not necessarily for the car she got), so that I could obtain it myself. She decided to purchase it. For context, I don't ask my mom for money, not even as a kid/teen so regarding the comment about turning to her for it if I needed it, I wouldn't and after this situation I definitely wouldn't.
So about a week before Christmas, my car was stolen from my mom's place of business. I was the legal owner of the car, I paid for the insurance, maintenance, etc. My mother purchased the car for me back in 2012 (or maybe it was 2013), as she wanted me to have my own source of transportation to work, school, etc. I was 19 at the time and commuting to classes and working part time.
My mom had asked to borrow the car, so the car was in her possession when it was stolen. Now that the insurance company has declared the car a total loss since it was never recovered, my mom is basically saying that she thinks I should give her some of the money since she bought the car. I did not ask for this car, and as I stated before I have been paying for everything associated with the car. With the money I am getting, I planned on completing BS 1 and starting on BS 2 (loosely following Dave Ramsey). Husband literally just got a job after being laid off in October, so we were behind on bills by about 2k. I would use the money to catch up on bills also, and yes she knew/knows about us being behind. She paid about 7k for the car, insurance is giving me 5.3k for the payout. She did not specify an amount that she wants, but honestly I don't feel like I owe her anything. I've been taking care of the car, and I was under the impression that the car was a gift from her. I asked her when she got the car if she wanted me to pay her back and she said no. I feel kind of bad about it, but my mom isn't hurting for money and she tends to be a greedy person when it comes to it. Just with catching up on our 4 walls and finishing BS 1 is over half of the money anyway and what is left can pay off 1 of our 6 credit cards for our snowball.
So my question is, would you give her any money?
it seems kind of strange that your mom would see this as a chance to get some cash. dont you need another car to replace this one?
generally speaking, i cant say no to my mother. if my parents gave me a gift and later wanted to ungift, im not going to say no. however, i would think that if i needed the money and my parent didnt; we could work out an arrangement to divide the cash between us.
it has probably been addressed, i havent read everyones posts but i dont really understand how this is a time for the mother to request money.
it seems kind of strange that your mom would see this as a chance to get some cash. dont you need another car to replace this one?
generally speaking, i cant say no to my mother. if my parents gave me a gift and later wanted to ungift, im not going to say no. however, i would think that if i needed the money and my parent didnt; we could work out an arrangement to divide the cash between us.
it has probably been addressed, i havent read everyones posts but i dont really understand how this is a time for the mother to request money.
No, with my husband's new job the traveling expenses are covered so we would not be replacing the vehicle.
So yes, she bought this car on her own free will, stating that she was "helping" me at the time. Now the car is gone and I want to use the proceeds, which will still "help" me maintain my household that also includes her grandson. So if we are taking issue with the fact that I am not using the money for replacing the vehicle but rather "helping" in another aspect of my life, is it wrong for me to want to use this "gift" in another form?
I don't care what she said, or what you've spent. IT WAS YOUR MOM'S CAR... Period. You should be thankful you were able to drive around a car at the cost of only general maintenance, gas, and insurance. You're out NOTHING, but in fact ahead quite a bit by avoiding any sort of car payment. Use that money you saved up to buy the car in the first place and purchase a new car for yourself instead, then you won't ever have to deal with this issue.
My dad bought me a car when I was in High School. I paid my insurance, paid for new tires, paid to have a control arm fixed (which I broke doing doughnuts in a parking lot). I washed and waxed it at least once a season because I was in love with it. When I went to college my dad took back ownership and gave it to my nephew. I wasn't mad one bit. He PAID for it after all. Who was I to claim that my general maintenance and minor repairs was worthy of me claiming ownership?
BTW, even if you return all of the money your mom is most likely still out a few grand due to depreciation. She is out that money without any benefit of her own. My personal guess is that she is mad about what you did with the opportunity she presented you and now wants to recoup some of her losses.
Why did she need to borrow the car in the first place? My first thought is that your Mom might have some closet money problems. Maybe try to have a heart to heart and find out.
No, with my husband's new job the traveling expenses are covered so we would not be replacing the vehicle.
So yes, she bought this car on her own free will, stating that she was "helping" me at the time. Now the car is gone and I want to use the proceeds, which will still "help" me maintain my household that also includes her grandson. So if we are taking issue with the fact that I am not using the money for replacing the vehicle but rather "helping" in another aspect of my life, is it wrong for me to want to use this "gift" in another form?
i would say it would be wrong of you to deny your mother's request. she helped you with transportation when you needed it and now you dont need it. however, you are welcome to ask to keep some.
Why did she need to borrow the car in the first place? My first thought is that your Mom might have some closet money problems. Maybe try to have a heart to heart and find out.
She sometimes drives over to the next town and doesn't like putting the extra mileage on her car, so occasionally she would ask to borrow the car.
I know a lot about my mom's finances, I am joint on some of her accounts. She recently purchased a 2017 car, paid for the car in cash. She just got back from her second vacation in two months. I don't believe she is hurting for money.
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" No one needs to "ask" to borrow their own car.
