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It may need to be used very selectively in these cases, but I've always found annual totals to be shocking/convincing when talking about consumer excess. You can snark at their $4.00 coffee, or you can do some quick math in your head ($4 x 5 days a week x 50 weeks) and casually comment, "Wow, you spend a thousand bucks a year on coffee?" (Always best to calculate conservatively, too. It'll do.)
It may need to be used very selectively in these cases, but I've always found annual totals to be shocking/convincing when talking about consumer excess. You can snark at their $4.00 coffee, or you can do some quick math in your head ($4 x 5 days a week x 50 weeks) and casually comment, "Wow, you spend a thousand bucks a year on coffee?" (Always best to calculate conservatively, too. It'll do.)
I agree with this! I once did that exact thing with a student of mine, who said she drank 2 or 3 cups of coffee from coffee shops, so I asked her how much a cup was, then proceeded to calculate the yearly cost and showed her on the calculator on my phone. She literally gasped when she saw it was between $1500 and $2000 a year!
Do you have friends and/or family members, who simply cannot seem to make ends meet, or who seem to be constantly in what I call 'crisis mode' when it comes to money and really, life in general?
I know several people like this, who have no idea how to manage money and can't even realize or even begin to understand why they are in the situation they are in. I watch as they waste money, struggling and then keep asking why they can't quite seem to get ahead.
One friend kept telling me how she just couldn't get ahead, yet she always found time to go out to dinner. She wanted coffee-no big deal, pull through and get a $4 cup of coffee. Want to take off and go on a vacation, sure, why not? While telling me how she was struggling financially, I mentioned that she does tend to spend a lot and she always had. She became offended and we haven't really spoken since then!
Hearing them play the victim card over and over can wear on one's nerves. How does one go about responding to this and/or try to give them advice?
So let me say I think the word "friend" has a lot of different levels. I have 4 ladies who have been my friends for 50 years, we've been through marriages, divorces, child births, losing a child, cancer, losing spouses so I really can't see one of them not talking to me anymore simply because I said they are spending too much.
If someone got offended that easy, I'd call them more of an acquaintance then friend.
Now I also think some people are "complainers". I have a coworker who if you ask say good morning, how was your weekend, she will launch into a 20 minute rant about her lousy family. Yet she has been married over 30 years and raised pretty successful kids
my friend has a daughter who is in her early 30's, I keep wondering if girlfriend is ever happy. just this week alone, she complained about "fake" philadelphia eagle fans, people who can't drive, parents who let their kids run in the street and the bridal salon where she and some friends are getting bridesmaids dresses. girl simply loves to complain.
Next, everybody has their own things they value. My best friend and her husband at age 60 brought a 6000 square foot house with an awesome outdoor back living space. Now they don't have any kids and don't like to travel. I mean they are serious home bodies. would I take out a 600K mortgage at 60 years of age? hell to the naw but you know what they are happy as pigs in slop so who am I to judge.
I agree with everyone else, unless they ask directly for help, simply smile, nod appropriately and move on to the next conversation.
So let me say I think the word "friend" has a lot of different levels. I have 4 ladies who have been my friends for 50 years, we've been through marriages, divorces, child births, losing a child, cancer, losing spouses so I really can't see one of them not talking to me anymore simply because I said they are spending too much.
If someone got offended that easy, I'd call them more of an acquaintance then friend.
Now I also think some people are "complainers". I have a coworker who if you ask say good morning, how was your weekend, she will launch into a 20 minute rant about her lousy family. Yet she has been married over 30 years and raised pretty successful kids.
Next, everybody has their own things they value. My best friend and her husband at age 60 brought a 6000 square foot house with an awesome outdoor back living space. Now they don't have any kids and don't like to travel. I mean they are serious home bodies. would I take out a 600K mortgage at 60 years of age? hell to the naw but you know what they are happy as pigs in slop so who am I to judge.
I agree with everyone else, unless they ask directly for help, simply smile, nod appropriately and move on to the next conversation.
Great post, and yes you're right about the use of the word 'friend'. I count only a very few people among my 'friends' and don't use the term lightly. I did include this person, as we'd been friends for a long time, had gone through many experiences together, etc. But you're right, for her to be so easily offended and stay distant afterwards doesn't exactly ring 'friend'.
Great post, and yes you're right about the use of the word 'friend'. I count only a very few people among my 'friends' and don't use the term lightly. I did include this person, as we'd been friends for a long time, had gone through many experiences together, etc. But you're right, for her to be so easily offended and stay distant afterwards doesn't exactly ring 'friend'.
lol, money and boyfriends/girlfriends are the hardest things to give advice about.
Also if you guys have been friends for a while she also maybe coming around to the realization that her way isn't actually working. She might not be jealous but she could be realizing that she's always broke and her other friends are not. Some times when you do always play the "victim" after a while it does start to sink in that it just might be "you".
Interesting hearing all these stories, as they sound like the people I'm talking about too. One of them buys several pieces of jewelry a month. Once, we met her for lunch and the Nutcracker a few years ago. She didn't eat lunch, and just drank water. I later found out she didn't have the money to buy lunch because she had spent all her money on jewelry! I have heard this same person complain about not being able to save up to buy her own house, yet she pays $1800 a month on an apartment and her cable bill is $150 a month!
Funny you should mention the cable bill. The person I was talking about has full cable, Showtime and HBO.
I have regular cable and get something like 250 channels(and am thinking of getting rid of that as I watch only a few channels). I mentioned to this person I got DVDs of the show "Shameless" at the library, and she says "oh I like that I show I watch it on Showtime"....LOL.
I could get Showtime and HBO but I think it's wasteful. I have seen all these cable shows "Orange is the New Black" by getting them at the library.
You can't eat jewelry.
It really seems most of these people can't save a dollar, and if you give them money they just p**s it away.
That's why we have "Go Fund Me", people used to have a "Rainy Day" fund, money set aside for emergencies, now it's put your hand out.
So let me say I think the word "friend" has a lot of different levels. I have 4 ladies who have been my friends for 50 years, we've been through marriages, divorces, child births, losing a child, cancer, losing spouses so I really can't see one of them not talking to me anymore simply because I said they are spending too much.
If someone got offended that easy, I'd call them more of an acquaintance then friend.
Now I also think some people are "complainers". I have a coworker who if you ask say good morning, how was your weekend, she will launch into a 20 minute rant about her lousy family. Yet she has been married over 30 years and raised pretty successful kids
my friend has a daughter who is in her early 30's, I keep wondering if girlfriend is ever happy. just this week alone, she complained about "fake" philadelphia eagle fans, people who can't drive, parents who let their kids run in the street and the bridal salon where she and some friends are getting bridesmaids dresses. girl simply loves to complain.
Next, everybody has their own things they value. My best friend and her husband at age 60 brought a 6000 square foot house with an awesome outdoor back living space. Now they don't have any kids and don't like to travel. I mean they are serious home bodies. would I take out a 600K mortgage at 60 years of age? hell to the naw but you know what they are happy as pigs in slop so who am I to judge.
I agree with everyone else, unless they ask directly for help, simply smile, nod appropriately and move on to the next conversation.
Well if it's a two story house they may be sorry, smart people downsize at that age in regards to houses and get one story ones, as stairs can become an issue.
It may need to be used very selectively in these cases, but I've always found annual totals to be shocking/convincing when talking about consumer excess. You can snark at their $4.00 coffee, or you can do some quick math in your head ($4 x 5 days a week x 50 weeks) and casually comment, "Wow, you spend a thousand bucks a year on coffee?" (Always best to calculate conservatively, too. It'll do.)
You're on the right track.
I have been in that position. Broke but want to think you can give yourself permission to spend a few dollars for lunch (I never spent on coffee but expensive coffee wasn't yet a thing then), stop and get a couple of drinks with friends, etc., so that your life isn't nothing but going to work and drudgery and paying bills.
I'm not talking about people who buy $500 purses or fancy cars. I'm talking about people who could crawl out from under debt if they cut down on the little things that add up.
I think understanding that the $4.00 coffee or the $10 sandwich are adding up to large amounts over time is an effective way of seeing that there is control you can take financially when you feel you don't have any.
For me, it started with lunch. As a NJ to NYC commuter, I justified not carrying lunch in from home because it just added one more chore, one more bit of time taken from the little free time I had, and so I spent around $5 a day for lunch. Obviously, this was some time ago, as you're not going to get a sandwich or a salad for $5 in NYC anymore. But the point is the same. When I realized that I was spending $50 out of every biweekly check, I decided to start making lunch at home and putting that $50 toward a credit card.
Funny you should mention the cable bill. The person I was talking about has full cable, Showtime and HBO.
I have regular cable and get something like 250 channels(and am thinking of getting rid of that as I watch only a few channels). I mentioned to this person I got DVDs of the show "Shameless" at the library, and she says "oh I like that I show I watch it on Showtime"....LOL.
I could get Showtime and HBO but I think it's wasteful. I have seen all these cable shows "Orange is the New Black" by getting them at the library.
You can't eat jewelry.
It really seems most of these people can't save a dollar, and if you give them money they just p**s it away.
That's why we have "Go Fund Me", people used to have a "Rainy Day" fund, money set aside for emergencies, now it's put your hand out.
Yes on all points ^^^ lol. We have Netflix at $7.99 a month and that is more than enough for us. I just can't imagine paying so much for tv, but then again, I can't imagine paying to go to a movie, or for a $4.00 cup of coffee and such. It really does boggle my mind to think about wasting that kind of money on things such as that.
If one adds up all that money over the course of a year, one can quickly save up money for a down payment on a house or put that extra in an IRA.
Going out to eat is one of the most expensive thing a person can do. If people actually kept all the receipts and add it up by the end of the month, they would be shock. People say that they don't have money saved up for retirement but they go out and eat lunch and dinner day in and day out.
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