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My kids are older so I have a different perspective. Not sure you'll feel the same way when all your kids can afford is a home in a crummy or unsafe neighborhood with lousy schools for your grandkids. Or when $ is needed for medical (or dental) costs that are unaffordable on their salaries. Easy to say they need to match except when life gets in the way.
I'm not going to have kids. I live 3000 miles away from my parents. If the bar is too high to buy a house in a certain area, then move somewhere else. I live in the SF Bay Area and I wouldn't be surprised if I'm forced out of here due to high costs, so it's not just some abstract thing that's easy for me to say other people should do; it's something that's been hanging over my head for a long time.
If you'd read my post closely, you'd see I already mentioned things like medical/dental, and reasonable education costs as exceptions.
100-200 per month????? that's insane. we only managed to save 25 per month for each child for college and leaving the rest up to them to pay.
If I were to put some money away for my kids I would start a ROTH ira for them. a one time $20k lump compounding for 50 years at 4% interest will get 140k+ when the kids are ready for retirement. While they won't be able to retire on that, it will a great head start.
My kids are older so I have a different perspective. Not sure you'll feel the same way when all your kids can afford is a home in a crummy or unsafe neighborhood with lousy schools for your grandkids. Or when $ is needed for medical (or dental) costs that are unaffordable on their salaries. Easy to say they need to match except when life gets in the way.
ultimately, the goal is to provide the highest quality of life for your kids. i dont really care if they appreciate the value of a dollar or work for anything that they own. if they are happy, that is all that matters. so just because someone has bought into the idea that you have to work to be a good person or you should have to work to earn something doesnt mean anyone else has to. i dont buy it. so we will see how it works out. if it fails, it is on me. my money isnt going to my children either way, im not going to donate it or spend more than would maximize my quality of life.
ultimately, the goal is to provide the highest quality of life for your kids. i dont really care if they appreciate the value of a dollar or work for anything that they own. if they are happy, that is all that matters.
But a big part of being happy is having realistic expectations and understanding that having a good life takes effort (in relationships, in work, in raising your own kids, etc.) The paradox is life gets harder if it's too easy. It's the classic example of how a certain amount of parental financial support is a good thing (food, basic clothing and shelter, help with college--although probably not the whole bill--if they are so inclined and get decent grades)...but too much financial support actually puts them at a disadvantage in life. It's like putting fertilizer on your lawn, a certain amount is great....too much and it kills it.
Mr. Money Mustache said it well. I was looking for one piece of the article to quote, but it was so good it was hard to find just one part of it:
My kids are older so I have a different perspective. Not sure you'll feel the same way when all your kids can afford is a home in a crummy or unsafe neighborhood with lousy schools for your grandkids. Or when $ is needed for medical (or dental) costs that are unaffordable on their salaries. Easy to say they need to match except when life gets in the way.
Yes it is easy to say they must match what we will give them.
The point is helping, guiding, and building their character by matching funds.
When I was a teen, I mowed lawns, raked leaves, shoveled snow for extra money. I used their lawnmower, made them get the gas and oil and maintain the equipment. That kept my costs down, and I gave tgem a bargain rate of $5.00 an hour to mow. Once I knew how long it would take me to mow their lawn, the money was a set price for every time I did mow, same with leaves and snow. $5 was much higher than the $3 and something that constitued minimum wage at the time, all I did was show up regularly to mow and leave (or rake or shovel).
If we give them everything, they will get used to handouts, not working hard to earn the funds we will match.
They Must earn and learn. That will prepare them for the future. They will have to WORK for a c ompany to get a matching 401k - what we plan to do is the same as that.
With a wealthy grandfather, their parents may help them, and if we just give give give them, they will learn nothing except to have their grubby hands held out for more money.
So if they aren't willing to work and save, we won't be helping.
We've had life get in our way, and we are making stride to provide us a retirement.
ultimately, the goal is to provide the highest quality of life for your kids. i dont really care if they appreciate the value of a dollar or work for anything that they own.
You'll be providing your kids with everything they need, except for the one thing they need the most: resilience. Anything material can be lost, and people who've always had everything they need handed to them tend to crumple like a cheap paper towel if disaster happens and they lose everything they own. They don't know how to cope with needing to start over from scratch, or how to work hard to slowly claw their way back to prosperity.
Resilience in the face of life's unpredictable hardships is the single most important thing you can gift your kids. Mere money pales in comparison.
No, not as long as you don't have expectations that put undue pressure on your child. My childhood best friend was told by her parents that since she had chosen to join the Coast Guard, she forfeited the money they had saved for her college education. Their relationship was never the same again.
If something like this is going to hurt a relationship, there was something wrong with it to start with.. I see nothing wrong with this approach; in fact, it could be motivational.
You'll be providing your kids with everything they need, except for the one thing they need the most: resilience. Anything material can be lost, and people who've always had everything they need handed to them tend to crumple like a cheap paper towel if disaster happens and they lose everything they own. They don't know how to cope with needing to start over from scratch, or how to work hard to slowly claw their way back to prosperity.
Resilience in the face of life's unpredictable hardships is the single most important thing you can gift your kids. Mere money pales in comparison.
i view the two things as separate. i want to educate my children on how to properly spend their money and how to prepare for potential problems while also providing them with enough money to offer them the flexibility to take whatever job they want (or no job if they dont want).
i understand that it is a challenge but i do not value hard work for all its theoretical benefits even when hard work isnt needed. if it isnt needed, it shouldnt be done. its my job to educate my children to understand that if it is needed, they will have to do it and to prepare them with that ability.
and also my situation is different than most people. i am saving heavily now for them so that there is a good shot that work isnt needed; so im a little different than just helping with school or a home down payment.
ultimately, the goal is to provide the highest quality of life for your kids.
I do not share the same kind of goal as a parent.
It is up to them to provide for themselves. My responsibility [as I saw it] was to prepare them as children for success in the world when they became adults.
One of the proudest days in my life was when our eldest son bought his first Tri-plex residence, when he was 22. At that time he was only making Minimum-Wage, but he found a way to become a landlord.
It is up to them to provide for themselves. My responsibility [as I saw it] was to prepare them as children for success in the world when they became adults.
One of the proudest days in my life was when our eldest son bought his first Tri-plex residence, when he was 22. At that time he was only making Minimum-Wage, but he found a way to become a landlord.
i know my wording wasnt great but i wonder if it was really understood that i meant that the parents are responsible for maintaining their child's quality of life for as long as they live. when i said provide; i meant provide the tools while you are responsible for raising the child. i didnt mean being on the hook for their happiness for their entire lives. there is a time where you are responsible for parenting; and then they are supposed to run with it.
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