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Interesting discussion. My .02 is unless the family is quite wealthy there is no reason to spend big money on a wedding. I think we paid $50 to a JP to get hitched and a group of friends threw us a party in somebody's back yard. It was my wife's second marriage, and I'm not one to stand on ceremony so that's just us. Most 20/30 year olds aren't thinking what 30 years in a good index fund can do for one's financial future though so it's up to parents and friends to educate. In the end it's their money and up to them.
If you suck up your pride and just be humble and not stress about what your guest might think or try ot make this grand impression at your expense, a wedding can easily be half of $30K and still get 100 to even 150 people there.
The venue and food and the 2 biggest expenses and that is where so many people get taken to the cleaners. When looking at the venues, they will be like the food is AMAZING and you dont wanna have bad food, blah blah blah. I told the lady, I dont even eat $30-50 plates of food, so there is no way im going to turn around and now pay for 120 people to eat $30-$50 per plate on my wallet, and all of a sudden they tried to start making deals. in the end I found a caterer for $18 a plate and would have been $13 if not for the wife wanting something nicer.
Unless you're getting married in a church that can hold alot of people for cheap or somewhere else that holds alot of people at a low price, dont choose a exotic venue or Saturday for a Wedding, as that is when the price is sky high. If most of the guests are local, a week night wedding saves $$$ or even choosing a Monday after a holiday date, saves alot.
I went to a wedding where they served meatballs, shrimps, and cheeses as the main appetizer after the wedding, so while some said it felt cheap or even ghetto, I was very happy for the couple as I saw the happiness on there faces that they were now married and remember the day was to be there to celebrate them getting married, not nitpick the food and demand a full meal, band, fancy mirrors/chairs/centerpieces.
The initial pictures and memories are nice, but after about 3 years, you barely ever look at those pics again, so its silly to spend $30-80k for 4-6 hours in 1 day, where most of the expense is trying to impress your guests.
The initial pictures and memories are nice, but after about 3 years, you barely ever look at those pics again, so its silly to spend $30-80k for 4-6 hours in 1 day, where most of the expense is trying to impress your guests.
I think this is too much of a generalization. We don’t look at the wedding album that often, but the print photos are up at our house (and relatives’ houses), not to mention in the rotation on all our digital frames. I still smile whenever a photo from our wedding pops up.
And also, I don't blame a woman who doesn't want to wear a 30-year old dress on her wedding day. I didn't wear my mom's gown either. Do you normally wear clothing that old? Would you show up at a party wearing your dad's 30 year old tuxedo? Or wear a 30 year old suit to a job interview?
Anyway, what people do with their money is their own business.
Priscilla, it wasnt meant to be a sterotype of women.
Its the factual truth. Tune in to TV, especially ones like kids cartoon netwrk, look at the toy dept, and youll see PLENTY of cartoons depicting little girls as"princesses", and find toy kits with plastic tiaras, fake "princess dresses, silver dress up slippers, mini pretend make up kits, etc
And there are plenty of movies where, like cinderalla, she gets the princess treatment, and gets the handsome prince. Hallmark channel runs several "get the prince (or knight), when they are not running the Halloween or Christmas movies, and even then its always guy gets girl or girl gets guy for the holidays, even if hes not a prince. Many people hang on the edge of their chair just waiting for "THE kiss" to happen.
Tide has a commercial where a little girl wears her princess dress up clothes all the time, but gets talked into wearing a sherriff costume once a week so dad ( yes dad) can wash her princess clothes in Tide, of course.
Its not ME stereotypeing that, its engrained in our society, some times blatantly others subtly.
As far as wearing 30 year old clothes, i would have worn my dads suit had it fit me, after dry cleaning of course.
And the point you made about the 30 year old dress is/was exactly the point i was trying to make.
Why spend a small fortune on a dress worn once and put in a box in the cedar chest, or stored in climate controlled environment at an additional expense. ( of course the same can said about the Perfect prom dress, too.) Its all about THE dress. TLC has plenty of "Wedding Gown searching " TV shows.i know cause sometimes i have to suffer through them as my OH likes to watch them. At some point the dresses all look alike to me, but i dont obviously wear dresses, not even for Halloween!!
And when a wedding is announced ( or used to be) in the paper, it ALWAYS features a big blurb about "the bride wore a white taffeta and silk gown with handbeaded pearlescent pearls and hand embroidered lace and beaded sequined bodice....", but never a blurb about what tge groom wore, except to maybe say " the groom wore a traditional tuxedo ".
And of course HE gets to stand waiting for her while ALL EYES must be on her as she proceeds down the aisle. Especially to see what beautiful dress and train she has chosen.
And of course weddings depicted on TV are all huge weddings, with hundreds of guests. Very rarely are JP weddings featured unless to show how quick or cheap the wedding was.
My post wasnt meant to stereotype, just to repeat the "ad nauseum" depiction of "THE perfect wedding " already out there, and to show how ridiculous some can be.
Gimme a small intimate wedding like we had ( fortunately my OH didn't want a huge expenseive ceremony ) any day over a large affair any day. Ours was just as *magical* as an expensive " big to do" would have been, if not more so.
So i wasnt trying to stereotype or diminish women in any way.
Centuries and centuries of BIG wedding arrangements and events have already done that, not me.
I hopeyou took it that way and wasnt meant to slam me for pointingd it out.
And if that's what SHE wants, and has the money to do it ( we were broke when we got married ) and certainly if she has saved tye $$ for it, hsve at it.
Id rather, as OP s original point was, invest the money for the future, maybe a Hawai'i trip @25th anniversary instead, or to boost retirement.
Priscilla, it wasnt meant to be a sterotype of women.
Its the factual truth. Tune in to TV, especially ones like kids cartoon netwrk, look at the toy dept, and youll see PLENTY of cartoons depicting little girls as"princesses", and find toy kits with plastic tiaras, fake "princess dresses, silver dress up slippers, mini pretend make up kits, etc
And there are plenty of movies where, like cinderalla, :
Television, movies are cartoons are not "factual truth". These are made up stories. Do you realize that? What you are seeing on TV is not real. It's fantasy and fiction. You shouldn't be creating stereotypes of women based on cartoons and then saying "this is fact."
my wife watches these silly soaps every day . so i said to her , i don't know how you watch this stuff . you don't really think any of this is reality and going to happen to you i hope ?
she said well , you guys watch porn , dont you ? what are the chances of that happening to you ? ha ha ha . she got me there ....
I know these subforums are dominated by the frugal, but, applying the logic in this thread no one should ever buy more than basic transportation for a car. As long as it starts up and drives and gets you where you need to go it's fine right? So everyone must be driving slightly used toyota corolla's or honda civics because car's don't last that long (like weddings today as many people pointed out). Why spend money on a car that has power windows when the crank windows work fine right? Do you need a truck to haul/tow every day? you could rent one for a few hours or a day from home depot right?
Play golf? better be playing the par 3 course for much saving over the regular, still playing golf right?
Don't go out to eat when you can cook at home, and wait for that movie to come out on red box or cable, wait...over the air because cable is a waste too right?
If one day experiences don't matter, you better not ever go to a concert or any other type of performance.
People pay often hundreds or thousands of dollars to go to concerts, sporting events, shows etc, often justifying by saying, it's a once in a lifetime thing, sometimes it is sometimes it's not. Same with a wedding. Just think you are sharing that experience with hopefully close friends and family. If you are going into a wedding thinking that it's only going to end in divorce in a few years then "duh" maybe you should save your money.
We have a friend of my wife who got married and just about 3 months later was already separated and ended up divorced about 6 months later. Should everyone get their money back? Isn't there a 12 month/10k mile warranty on these things?
I know these subforums are dominated by the frugal, but, applying the logic in this thread no one should ever buy more than basic transportation for a car. As long as it starts up and drives and gets you where you need to go it's fine right? So everyone must be driving slightly used toyota corolla's or honda civics because car's don't last that long (like weddings today as many people pointed out). Why spend money on a car that has power windows when the crank windows work fine right? Do you need a truck to haul/tow every day? you could rent one for a few hours or a day from home depot right?
Play golf? better be playing the par 3 course for much saving over the regular, still playing golf right?
Don't go out to eat when you can cook at home, and wait for that movie to come out on red box or cable, wait...over the air because cable is a waste too right?
If one day experiences don't matter, you better not ever go to a concert or any other type of performance.
People pay often hundreds or thousands of dollars to go to concerts, sporting events, shows etc, often justifying by saying, it's a once in a lifetime thing, sometimes it is sometimes it's not. Same with a wedding. Just think you are sharing that experience with hopefully close friends and family. If you are going into a wedding thinking that it's only going to end in divorce in a few years then "duh" maybe you should save your money.
We have a friend of my wife who got married and just about 3 months later was already separated and ended up divorced about 6 months later. Should everyone get their money back? Isn't there a 12 month/10k mile warranty on these things?
Generally, the people here are in the "spend less than you earn and invest the difference wisely" crowd. They're not in the extreme frugality crowd. The spending kind of depends on your income. If you're earning into 6 figures, max your 401(k) every year, no debt beyond a mortgage, and have a healthy emergency fund, you can spend most of what's left and have a good outcome. A 20% savings rate including mortgage principal is fine if you keep at it your whole work career. The less you make, the higher your savings rate needs to be, particularly in your younger years to take advantage of the compounding.
What you get a lot of is people with no particular wealth in middle age. To avoid living in a cardboard box under the railroad bridge eating dog kibble when you can no longer work, the usual advice is a heavy dose of frugality for a decade to get at least partially caught back up.
Some of you need a reality check about living life. I spent more than half a decade getting degrees and financial licenses. I spend 50 hours a week doing finance at the highest level. I would never reduce my life events and fun activities down to a money calculation.
$30,000 is chump change in the long run of life. That type of money gets pissed away in property taxes or some random insurance I don’t use (and hopefully won’t have to). That’s a federal tax bill going who knows where. I enjoyed my wedding. Granted, not as much as my wife probably did. Or my mother. Or my grand parents. These are life defining moments. Would I have taken this day away to pad my stock portfolio for 50 years down the line? Lol...
It was one of the best days of my life. The honey moon was the best trip of my life.
Do I envision myself getting divorced? No. I choose my wife for a reason. We have similar backgrounds, ambitions, interests, goals. Our marriage gets stronger over time. I don’t envision getting divorced even an option above trying to work things out. A marriage is supposed to be a life partner.
I don’t do a present value calculation to know how much my vacations cost. Or my wedding. When I die, I will think of the places I went. I don’t sit around and think that $70 dinner and movie with my wife was really $1,300 from my retirement.
Dude pleez. 30K might be "chump change" to you, but it damn sure is NOT to me or to most every person that I personally know.
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