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Old 01-07-2019, 08:52 AM
 
Location: Philadelphia/South Jersey area
2,847 posts, read 1,386,256 times
Reputation: 9976

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Parnassia View Post
The financial aspects of the OP's situation can be resolved with time, but I would wonder about the relationship situation. This parent took deliberate actions that she knew would harm her daughter for quite a while. It was more than stealing, more than carelessness. It was done with intent. Lucky the damage wasn't worse.

I am not someone who would have a relative arrested for a non-violent offense, nor would I try to get revenge over it, but I would want some way to teach this relative in no uncertain terms that what they did was morally, ethically, and humanly WRONG. That they have lost something valuable because of it. I would want them to know that I am not some helpless doormat they can take advantage of simply because we are related. Telling them they have lost my trust doesn't seem like enough. Letting it pass and doing nothing doesn't seem like forgiveness, it seems worse. Dropping the person from my life may not have any effect because they obviously don't care either way. OTOH, if you do nothing at all, it will take a lot of strength not to let it sour your life, creating a bitter, suspicious or paranoid person where one didn't exist before. OP I'm so sorry someone did this to you. Can't imagine how I'd feel.
Wow, talk about melodramatic.

I doubt it. I'm willing to bet that mom hit a rough patch and like many folks with "good intentions" probably thought "I'll just do this until XYZ" .

one mantra that I hear on the cd all the time that I think is absolutely incorrect (especially from working with poor) is that they dig themselves these holes "buying Iphones" and "big houses". lol I don't have a single client who has an iphone and most live in section 8 housing in Camden.

Now I've been blessed with people in my life who do care about me. Because you do some thing wrong does not translate to being a cold unfeeling be-atch and because you love someone does not mean you will not do stupid stuff.

When my husband died suddenly leaving me a widow with 3 boys to raise, I was horrible. I did a few horrible things.

Luckily the people in my life were not like you and recognized that was not who I truly was and did not simply drop me nor did it turn them into "bitter paranoid" people.
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Old 01-07-2019, 09:02 AM
 
Location: Omaha, Nebraska
7,246 posts, read 4,113,268 times
Reputation: 18130
Quote:
Originally Posted by eliza61nyc View Post
Wow, talk about melodramatic.

I doubt it. I'm willing to bet that mom hit a rough patch and like many folks with "good intentions" probably thought "I'll just do this until XYZ" .
Not melodramatic. Fact.

If Mom had hit a rough financial patch, she could have asked her daughter if she would be willing to open up a line of credit on her behalf. Then daughter, having opened those accounts herself, would have know she had minimum payments to meet, and wouldn't now have a credit score of 524 (which is going to be a substantial hindrance to her for years to come).

This was theft, plain and simple. No different than if Mom had stolen $4,000 from her daughter's purse. Desperation may provide an explanation for mom's behavior, but it's not an excuse.

Edited to add: OP, you obviously love your Mom, and that's normal. But for your own protection, you need to understand that she has shown herself to be a thief. She has left you in a position that insures you cannot rent from a decent landlord, cannot get a decent car loan, and cannot take out a mortgage. Your abysmally low credit score may also make it more difficult for you to get a decent job (as some employers run a credit check as part of the hiring process, and your current credit score of 524 is at the absolute bottom of the barrel). I can understand why you don't want to prosecute her, even though she is every bit as much a thief as a junkie burglarizing your apartment, but for your own protection you need to keep your credit locked and NEVER trust her with access to your credit cards and bank accounts. By her own actions, she has shown herself to be untrustworthy.

Last edited by Aredhel; 01-07-2019 at 09:24 AM..
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Old 01-08-2019, 09:45 AM
 
1,712 posts, read 1,928,799 times
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My dad did this to my brother several decades ago when he was a baby. This was b/c he shared the same name as him so it was easy for him to open credit cards and stuff in his name.

If he did that to me then I would've thrown his good for nothing ghetto butt in jail for identity theft so he can consider himself lucky. If I was born a boy (his son) then he would've screwed me over since he would've given me his name.

I guess you can't control what parents you have. Distance yourself from low-class, uneducated, impulsive and irresponsible people whether they're "family" or not. Very sorry to hear that this happened to you..
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Old 01-15-2019, 07:25 AM
 
Location: Raleigh
8,232 posts, read 6,103,669 times
Reputation: 11454
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aredhel View Post
Not melodramatic. Fact.

If Mom had hit a rough financial patch, she could have asked her daughter if she would be willing to open up a line of credit on her behalf. Then daughter, having opened those accounts herself, would have know she had minimum payments to meet, and wouldn't now have a credit score of 524 (which is going to be a substantial hindrance to her for years to come).

This was theft, plain and simple. No different than if Mom had stolen $4,000 from her daughter's purse. Desperation may provide an explanation for mom's behavior, but it's not an excuse.
I understand that it is as you describe in the bolded, but its likely her mom thought of it no differently than raiding the college fund to pay the mortgage/medical bills.

Again, not disagreeing with you. But I don't think that her mom regarded her actions that way and I don't know if OP does.
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Old 01-18-2019, 12:23 AM
 
25,991 posts, read 28,400,541 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JONOV View Post
I understand that it is as you describe in the bolded, but its likely her mom thought of it no differently than raiding the college fund to pay the mortgage/medical bills.

Again, not disagreeing with you. But I don't think that her mom regarded her actions that way and I don't know if OP does.
While intent matters on a personal level, the end result is the same. The OP should lock up and monitor her credit and not let mom have any access to any of her accounts.
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Old 01-18-2019, 07:06 AM
 
12,695 posts, read 9,929,265 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Goldenbaq View Post
Thank you. My mom owes it of course but she's living on disability now, so she can't pay anything.



Thank you!!! I've frozen all of them, and if someone used my SSN I'm notified by email. And no I couldn't bring myself to take my mom to court. I literally would've never finished RN school if it wasn't for her.



Thank you! The $4000 is how much I have to pay back. I can't do that to my mom sadly.



Thank you! You're very correct about reliable transportation. I'll start paying it off now.
Morally, this is not your debt but your Mom's. Take the $4000 you would pay and use it to buy an old car with cash. Then take what would be your car payment each month and put it in savings. After a year, you can upgrade to a better car.

Car payments are a trap. When you borrow money to buy things that go down in value, you are setting yourself up for trouble if your hours get cut back.
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Old 01-18-2019, 09:09 AM
 
Location: Omaha, Nebraska
7,246 posts, read 4,113,268 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ncole1 View Post
Morally, this is not your debt but your Mom's.
But unless the OP files a police report and contests the charges as identity theft, legally it's hers. That's why she now has a credit rating of 524 - the banks and credit agencies think she borrowed all that money and hasn't made any efforts to repay it.

It's not simply the money that is the problem ($4,000 isn't much on the grand scale of things), it's the terrible credit rating that's the issue.

Quote:
Take the $4000 you would pay and use it to buy an old car with cash. Then take what would be your car payment each month and put it in savings. After a year, you can upgrade to a better car..
Not a bad idea as far as getting a ride goes. But if she's not going to go after her mother, at some point the OP HAS to deal with paying off the $4,000 debt (even though she didn't create it, i's under her name) and start getting her credit rating repaired. Otherwise she'll be in big trouble if the day comes when she needs to buy or rent her own place, or if she applies for a job where the employer runs credit checks as part of the hiring process.
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Old 01-20-2019, 11:16 AM
 
Location: Philadelphia/South Jersey area
2,847 posts, read 1,386,256 times
Reputation: 9976
I think we need to look at this whole picture.

Op is a registered Nurse. now I'm not sure about Louisiana but here in PHiladelphia Pa, the average entry level is about 33 bucks an hour which is easy 60K. again that's entry level.

Next she's 23. Even if her that stayed on her credit for 7 years (isn't that the max before you can have it removed) that puts her at 30.

This is hardly going to wreck her for life. Next op, I'm hoping you'v already shut down your mom and put a lock down on your credit files. contact all the agencies and have them put some thing in your file detailing what happened. Now me, personally I would probably pay the bill, call it an expensive lesson to learn and move on. Not sure again about La, but around here nurses and doctors have a credit union that are a lot less stringent than banks.

4K at your age and earning potential?? this is a blip sweetie.
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Old 01-21-2019, 08:57 AM
 
Location: Raleigh
8,232 posts, read 6,103,669 times
Reputation: 11454
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aredhel View Post
But unless the OP files a police report and contests the charges as identity theft, legally it's hers. That's why she now has a credit rating of 524 - the banks and credit agencies think she borrowed all that money and hasn't made any efforts to repay it.

It's not simply the money that is the problem ($4,000 isn't much on the grand scale of things), it's the terrible credit rating that's the issue.



Not a bad idea as far as getting a ride goes. But if she's not going to go after her mother, at some point the OP HAS to deal with paying off the $4,000 debt (even though she didn't create it, i's under her name) and start getting her credit rating repaired. Otherwise she'll be in big trouble if the day comes when she needs to buy or rent her own place, or if she applies for a job where the employer runs credit checks as part of the hiring process.
Bingo...Probably I'd buy a car first, then work on squaring away the debt.
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Old 01-21-2019, 09:06 AM
 
Location: Raleigh
8,232 posts, read 6,103,669 times
Reputation: 11454
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aredhel View Post
Not melodramatic. Fact.

If Mom had hit a rough financial patch, she could have asked her daughter if she would be willing to open up a line of credit on her behalf. Then daughter, having opened those accounts herself, would have know she had minimum payments to meet, and wouldn't now have a credit score of 524 (which is going to be a substantial hindrance to her for years to come).
Thinking about that...OP doesn't state why its 524. It could be that Mom just opened up two credit cards and they're maxed out. In any case given that its 524 she'll likely be able to square it away and be fine in a few months with no ill effects a year out.
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